Moanie Miss Groanie

I HATE ex-boyfriends and Lions.

2010-01-28T05:41:00.000-08:00

Curly and I have become one. <---- Which is something I would say if I was as soppy and pathetic as I used to be.

By 'one', I mean that we are a couple...even on FACEBOOK (it's only official if it's on facebook...).

It happened pretty quickly...it was last Friday night, we decided we might as well become a couple seeing as there was nothing stopping us and the whole thing was basically inevitable.

So...yeah.

He's very sweet (but not too sweet...he doesn't talk about taking me to the moon in a bubble...if he did, I would rip all of his hair out one strand at a time. Then he would no longer be worthy of the name 'Curly')...and good looking...

He came to my house yesterday morning at 8am before college and made me a cooked breakfast.

THAT is commitment.

...The only problem in my life NOW is my ex-boyfriend who i went out with for just under two months in between me and Bape breaking up and getting back together.

When I broke up with him, he seemed to take it very well...yet he still texted me all day every day until about two days ago when I basically told him to BUGGER OFF,

And he STILL texts me...just not as much.

I basically can't go on Facebook chat anymore, for when I do, he talks to me AS SOON as I sign on. Which means that he sits there looking at the list at the side of the page just waiting for me to come online.

That is screwed up.

He told me he loved me, which is ridiculous because we only went out for a very short period of time and only saw each other on weekends...and for some strange reason he seems to think the feeling is mutual; he thinks I love him too.

He has actually turned into one of those psycho ex-boyfriends. He added Curly on facebook and sent him a message saying not to worry and that things wont be awkward between them.

There are many many problems with that. The two most important being that:

1. Curly lives in Oxford (the same city as me) and goes to my college, whereas Ex-Boyfriend (who from here on will be called Lion) lives in Winchester, so they wouldn't exactly be bumping into each other...so it couldn't be awkward.

2. THEY DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER. They have met ONCE.

So Lion is clearly a psycho.

When I first met him, I thought he was a really rational guy. Even though he's spent most of his life at boarding schools, he didn't seem to be at all arrogant.

But lately I've been beginning to realise just how much of an arrogant bastard he is. He keeps trying to flirt with me and trying to get him to have sexual conversations with him like over text or facebook (not since I got this new boyfriend, but while I was back together with Bape he was...and obviously I'd just be like er....F off?. He's not even remotely attractive. And he's always going on about how much he knows about posh wine, and always talks about his 'rich boy' experiences at Bryneston. I just hate how cocky he's been lately.

I do feel quite bad though...I mean at the time I thought I genuinely liked him a lot..but I guess he was just a major rebound.

I haven't actually been horrible to him, but there's only so much comforting that I can do.
I can't keep constantly being nice to him, because I don't want him to think that there's ANY chance of us getting back together. 'cause there REALLY isn't.

Also...something which is quite creepy...he keeps changing his facebook statuses to the kind of thing I change mine to...like black books quotes etc. And I can just tell he's doing loads of things or like changing himself in ways that makes him more like me.

So this means either that he wants to do anything he can to get me back...or he wants to BE me.

Now I sound arrogant...I'm not trying to...this is just GENUINELY what he's been doing.

And he's been talking to one of my friends...and she says that he always finds a way to steer the conversation into talking about me.

I'm just getting a bit freaked out now.

Ugh there's still half an hour left of this free...seriously cannot be bothered to do anything but sit in silence...and I'm so tired today.

OH..and I've had my braces tightened...and they hurt so much =[

Anyway...I think I've killed a sufficient amount of time.

Good Bye.

XXXXXXXXXXX MMG

Hey look!! I'm NOT dead!!

2010-01-21T06:17:00.000-08:00

RIGHT well...

Much has changed since I last bored you with cringeworthy nonsense.

1. Me and Bape have since broken up.

2. I messed up my ASs BIG TIME (DDDC)

3. Moved to a school which is actually worthy of the name 'school'...except it's a 6th form college...so not technically a school.

4. I'm retaking my ASs here...(at a place where the education is payed for by the parents, rather than the bloody government).

5. I'm predicted all As here, which is amazing for me.

6. I've started to enjoy working more than being cosmically horned.

7. I got a new boyfriend who I broke up with when Bape came back from uni for xmas hols.

8. Realised we were still in love, so got back together.

9. We broke up the day after he left to go back...not because I don't love him, just simply because LAO having a long distance relationship with someone who doesn't want to marry me, nor do I wish to marry him.

10. Very interested in someone I'm going to refer to as Curly (I've pretty much accepted that I'm the only person who reads this blog, but its very relaxing to write it, so let me call people whatever the hell I want, OKAY?)

Due to my (non-existent) OCD, I'm gonna just stick with 10 life changes...rather than go to 11.

I've started being very much more mature with my life decisions (ie. deciding to move schools instead of retaking where I would end up with possibly even worse grades). So mature, in fact, that I am actually able to refer to myself as more mature than I used to be...which is a start.

This is going to be a fairly short post, as opposed to some of my painfully long posts where I do nothing more than ramble on about my love life...which at the time (this time last year) was very (way too) consistent.

(Plato, however, may argue that erotic relationships cannot be consistant, because they exist in the physical world, rather than the world of the forms) I have no idea what all these philosophical geezers were on when they came up with these proposterous ideas, but I want some! Descartes got all his knowledge and ideas from spending a prolonged time in the oven...although any time in an oven is far longer than than it should be, if you're a human. Ovens, I'll have you know, were not designed for the cooking or 'meditation' rooms of mankind, but rather the cooking of edible substances which would not give you the name 'canibal' if you were to eat them...hmm.

OH SEE?! I'm rambling again, I promised myself i wouldnt.

BYE.

X X X X X MMG

Helo again.

2009-06-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

My my my...it has been a paaaiiiinful few months for me...but now it's over.

I've finished my AS exams (thank CHRIIIST) and now have time to focus on my self-improvement (ie. re-learn the violin, make myself appear to be interlectual to others to prepare myself for Uni the year after next...etc.)

I could never bring myself to write my blog, I always felt there was something more productive to do like watch trashy TV, complete long overdue homework and revise, and most importantly see and entertain Bape (who I am still happily in a relationship with).

It has been a grand total of 9 monthhs...almost 10...since we've been together =]
It's had its ups and downs...and major downs...but we've kept it up and we're still in love and its almost perfect. Apart from that inzy winzy detail that he's GOING TO UNIVERSITY IN OCTOBER!!!!! and leaving me with my friends...(most of which haven't matured since the end of GCSEs).

This has been the cause of all sorts of terrors for me...I went through a mild depression stage where I cried myself to sleep each night, thinking about the last time I kiss him before he goes...but now i've just got used to it, and there's no point having regrets. Even though it means a lot of pain which, potentially could have been avoided, but I'm glad to have had this experience.

I think I have, dare I say it...matured.

a bit...

Instead of letting us have a holiday after exams, we've gone straight into learning stuff for A2s for a month before summer holidays which SUCKS.

And Bape has finished school forever...which, for me, feels weird, and so so sad.
I don't know how it will be next year, I'm trying to think of all these ways of filling the gap he leaves, but I think it's going to be a lot harder than that.

At least I get to spend the summer with him, I mean, he's going to Cornwall next week to celebrate end of school with his friends, while I'm stuck in school...learning. In the rain.
But in the holidays, almost straight after we finish school, I'm going to Bahrain with him, and that will be the best week of my life so far...i hope...but it's just that summer holidays go so bloody fast...and when it's the end...it IS the end.

My life will be totally different,and I just don't know how i'm going to take it.

I thought it might be easy to write this seeing as I haven't cried about it for so long, but as I'm typing teardrops are hitting the keyboard...crap.

It's not even a bit deal, him going, at least it doesn't seem like it should be, just imagining meeting him in like 10 years time when we've both totally moved on makes me so...angryupsetconfusedirritatedandhelpless. (yes, that is one word)

Will we stay in contact all through out uni? Will he get a girlfriend his first year? Will I even want to look at another guy for...god knows how long...?

I can't be depressed, Bape finishes his exams tomorrow and I have to be there to cheer him on...because i love him and im amazing =]

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG

Psychology

2008-12-10T02:03:00.000-08:00

I had my mock psychology exam yesterday...
I spent like 3 evenings revising...and it turned out fine. I didn't struggle...I answered all the questions and I think that there is a problem because I actually seem to have done well?!

Now, we must remember that I'm the sort of person who will say this kind of thing and later find out that I FAILED MISERABLY.

Anyway, that's taken a huge weight off my chest...although, unfortunately there's still an annoyingly heavy weight still there.
And no, shut up, i am not talking about my boobs. I'm talking about the exam I have to revise for through the WHOLE of the Christmas holidays. My ACTUAL psychology exam. Which means revising everything, not just the list of things my teacher told us to revise when she knew exactly what would be on the mock paper.

In fact, I feel like boring you all with a long list of things bothering me in my life at the moment.

1. I've just put a check for £100 in my bank account, and soon after realised that most of it will have to be spent on xmas presents for my family, Oscar AND Bape. How annoying.

2. * **** ******!!!!!! Which I'm so annoyed about that I cannot even physically type it up.

3. I have an exam to revise for.

4. My music teacher keeps not turning up to lessons, which will result in my epic failure.

5. There are going to be total strangers (oscar and his girlfriend) in my house for 9 days of the christmas holidays, and yes, I guess I'm looking forward to seeing Oscar, but I don't think he realises how small our house is, and that it will certainly explode trying to contain 6 people plus Bape, who is usually here...and that makes is 7 people. Oh God.

6. I want more clothes.

7. I feel like I'm failing in life.

The above, just incase you fell asleep as you were reading them and need me to remind you what they were, describes how terrible my life is, and how all of you don't realise how lucky you actually are.

On the brighter side, there are a few ACTUAL good things in my life =0

1. I have a boyfriend, who I love, who loves me. And that's awesome.

2. erm...

3......oh christ my life really is crap isn't it.

Oh well. I'm sure it will get better once i get an A in my psychology AS.....which I wont.

And Bape, no complaining that you weren't mentioned in this post, because that would mean you hadn't ready it properly, which would mean I'd have to hit you.

Love you =]

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

Philisophical Blabber

2008-12-01T13:59:00.000-08:00

I'm really enjoying philosophy.

I realised that today when I got really into a discussion about Descartes' cogito and idea about Dualism.

Those of you who don't know, (hopefully not many of you do, because then that would mean I know more than some others =]) 'Cogito ergo Sum' is latin for "I think therefore I am"...which is a statement brought up by some dude called Descartes who wrote a series of 'Meditations'/book kind of thingies, while he was locked in an oven.

Christ knows why he was locked in an oven...something to do with a cold winter...?

If you ask me, the whole oven thing kind of goes hand in hand with some of the phsycotic stuff Descartes came up with...

So yeah....back to the statement "I think therefore I am...".

I'm probably getting most of this wrong by the way, but remember, this blog, as well as being my life TO THE LETTER, is a slightly fictionalised version of my life, which, in my world, means that anything I write here doesn't actually have to be correct. For all you know, everything I'm saying could be a lie...

for all you know, you might not even exist...that's what Descartes said.
Somewhere within his stream of consciousness ('Meditations'), he wrote that we can doubt anything and everything; that we can even doubt our own existence...
but that the very fact that we can even DOUBT our existence...or anything for that matter, proves that we do exist.... in some form....
So, here comes that well known phrase that everyone knows.
The phrase that I mentioned before.
You know, the one that if I were to say it (which I already have, earlier on in this post), many people would think 'oh yeah, I've heard that before')
That one which talks about thinking therefore being.

"I think, therefore I am"

Now isn't that bloody interesting.

Awesome.

Dualism time =]

Dualism then, is the idea that our mind and body can actually be separated, but you would still be the same person...

I think...

So...like....if you were to take your mind (not brain, but mind) out of your body, your mind would be able to live on, as the same person. Descartes also said that "it's possible to imagine oneself without a body...but it is impossible to imagine oneself without a mind" <---- this statement could be seen as partly true i guess....but if you think more into it...what is there to imagine if we don't have a body...nothingness?
?

Some might agree with the idea of Dualism, (weirdos) and say that 'your mind/personality makes you who you are'...how sweet.
But some (like me) might disagree and say, "Well, Descartes, nice idea, but it's pretty crap if you really think about it... imagine yourself without your body...is that even possible? If we were just our minds, and not our minds together with our body...then how the hell would we see things in the same way? How on earth would we experience things in the same way? And what happens if we're intoxicated?...surely everyone knows that our mind has an intimate connection to our brain...what happens when we're upset?...WE CRY...and why do we cry?...because of some nonsense that happens in the brain! Didn't think about that one, DID'CHA?"

Yeah, my neck hurts, too much philosophical thinking.

Maybe i'm gonna end up good at philosophy....maybe I can write my own meditations, but I don't think I'd fit in the oven...

Perhaps the fridge?

Nono, I don't think theres even anything more to philosophise (a word?) over anymore....there have been too many people with weird names.

At least I have a normal name.

(just so you know...Moanie Miss Groanie isn't actually my real name, anyone who thought that it was, is an idiot.)

Maybe my mum would find it easier if she were to start writing in the oven, she might get all of her books done by winter the end of winter!

I think I should go now.

Something is wrong.

Night!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG

Anger and Love

2008-11-14T01:50:00.000-08:00

You know what?

Forget the last post...I basically don't write my blog....so I also basically don't read other blogs...
so forget it =]

Anything new?...not that I can talk about.

Things still going good with Bape...

Lately I've been having major anger/tear outbursts...and the tinyest things keep making me cry.
You know when you're a boy (this is something I have never experienced), you get angry and want to hit people and take out your 9inch dagger? Yes?
Well when you're a girl, anger makes you upset (well, makes me upset...).
But lately I've been getting a similar feeling to male anger...I start snapping at people, and want to hit, and shout and scream.

I know it's probaly my hormones being messed about from being on the pill, but it's confusing and upsetting me a lot, and must be extremley difficult for Bape to deal with.

But he's sweet to me, he seems to understand, and doesnt snap back at me, he just takes it in, and gives me a hug and tells me everything is going to be okay.

I don't know how he knows this is the correct thing to do about you're girlfriend's mood swings...he's never had a girlfriend before me, just flings...

If you're male and you're reading this, here's a word of advice:

When a your girlfriend/sister/daughter is crying or angry or upset about something small, that can only sort istelf out...DON'T TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
Just hug her and tell her it will be okay, that's all we need.

I learnt this from my mum.

She told me about how her mother was crying and upset once, and my mum didn't know what to do about it, but then my mother's grandmother just went right up to my mum's mother, and gave her a squeeze.

Sounds complicated (probaly from the repetition of 'mother' and 'mum'), but it's true...girls are said to be ridiculously complex...but really...we're not...in some ways.

I'm not too good at explaining myself, especially when I'm writing from school. I have no quiet time to think...around me are hooligans, looking over my shoulder, laughing, singing Katie Perry's 'I kissed a girl' at the top of their voices. Annoying, and hard to concenterate on my feelings.

This blog started out not being about feelings, but being a place where I can say sarcastic things about my friends and family.

Maybe it's important for me to write my feelings down rather than bore other people who haven't CHOSEN to hear them (like you readers...not that there are any...).

More about me and Bape:

We spend SO much time together, and when we're not in the same room, we're either on the phone, texting, on msn or thinking about eachother...which usually leads to texting or calling or going on msn.

Is this normal? Or is it just standard young love?

His friends get pissed off with it all, and are always telling him they miss him and he spends too much time with me.

But he doesn't seem to care that much...I think he pretends to, because he should, but we haven't started seeing eachother less...although we should, because he's got like 75897580 A2 exams after the xmas hols.

My friends are really nice about it, they say they miss not seeing me as much, but that they're really happy for me, and Bape told me how one of my friends had gone up to him and told him about how happy he's made me. =]

I am SO in love.

BYE NOW

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

"it's all about me"...?

2008-10-21T06:41:00.000-07:00

^^ the title...i copied that from MG's blog =]

She told me to take this random quiz thing...not quite sure how im supposed to use it...

My mother, MG, tagged me. This is how it works: Display the award. Link back to the person who gave you this award. Nominate at least 7 other blogs. Put links to those blogs on your blog. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated. You can only answer in one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? Bag

2. Where is your significant other? Maths

3. Your hair color? Brown

4. Your mother? Writing

5. Your father? Working

6. Your favourite thing? Boys...

7. Your dream last night? Forfilling

8. Your dream/goal? Stage

9. The room you’re in? Commonroom

10. Your hobby? Performing

11. Your fear? Spiders

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Engaged

13. Where were you last night? bed

14. What you’re not? Obease

15. One of your wish-list items? Money?!

16. Where you grew up? Oxford

17. The last thing you did? Laughed

18. What are you wearing? Green

19. Your TV? Standard.

20. Your pet? Psychotic

21. Your computer? School's

22. Your mood? Content.

23. Missing someone? Boyfriend

24. Your car? Dad's

25. Something you’re not wearing? Coat.

26. Favourite store? Bonnie

27. Your summer? Ok.

28. Love someone? Totally.

29. Your favorite color? Green

30. When is the last time you laughed? seconds

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

People I plan to tag...i'm not going to tag seven...because I don't actually know of seven blogs...and I would be lying to say that I liked them...if I had never read them...

MG Harris, Chu, Spazology...hmm...that's 3...

Oh well! I'll make links to them later...right now I'm about to go home..I'm in a free period at school...because we have them now =] being in 6thform and all!

Just incase you're wondering..things are going very well with me and Bape...very well...we're experiencing tennage love...we're ALWAYS together...hate being apart...practically live together...

In love...

already....

2 months on friday!...

MMG XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Photo.

2008-09-08T08:32:00.001-07:00

Look ------>
I put a picture up...now you have a slight insight to what I look like.

I say 'slight' because it has been edited a bit...

Right, why am I choosing this particular moment to blog?
Because I've had something on my mind all day.

The thing I have on my mind:

Me and Bape are still together...but here come the problems...well...not a big problem, it just feels like it should be a problem.

I spent a few weeks (the only 2 and a half weeks we've been together) wondering what was wrong with him.
Nothing is wrong with him...at least I thought...

His ONLY flaw, and it's not even that much of a flaw, is that he is so sexually driven...

We haven't actually had sex, I've decided I'm not going to lose my virginity until I'm in love.
We've done everything else though...already.
I'd prefer to blog this rather than tell people, cause I don't want him to find out and get pissed off or hurt.

We are really sexually compatible though, and I do feel a connection with him, and it feels right and all...but I feel like I should be worried...

I feel like I SHOULD feel like it's a bad thing that we're moving too fast.

Again, it feels right...but also I feel like I should feel bad...understand?

I tried lightly mentioning this today, but he just laughed it off.

He probably thought I was joking.

We spend a lot of time at eachother's houses, i mean we have actual fun too, we laugh we joke we cuddle we....yeah....we watch films nd stuff...in fact, we watched the notebook (poor guy, he must've been bored to death) and I cried, which was slightly embarrassing.

I wanna DO something though!!...ugh

I think my problem is that I feel like I SHOULD feel like I wanna get serious...but then I know that he's probably just in it for the fun of being in a relationship.

But in actual fact...I'm not in love with him...(yet...hmm...i dont even know if i wanna fall in love again for a long time...)...our relationship is limited to a year because he's going off to uni next year...
Maybe I should just lay back and have fun...yeah, i guess thats just what i'll have to do.

Oh well. Apart from that minor problem, everything's going really well, and i really like him =]

School's fun (it won't be for long though...)

I have loads of double lessons...and barely anyone's in my music and philosophy classes...

I'm bored of this now.

Adios!

xxxxxxxxxxMMG

Completely pointless post. (alitteration)

2008-08-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

Feel like writing...(again), but I have nothing to say, so I'm going to tell an old story.

The day I got back from Newquay (i don't think I even mentioned I went to newquay...something overwhelming happened over there, something that depressed me so much when I tried writing about it that I had to actually delete the blog entry...)...I went to A's that night, and he was having a party. There was a HYOWGE mix of people there, I don't think it really worked to be perfectly honest.

I met this guy (briefly) called Angel (this name because he sings and plays the guitar, and a friend says he sings like an angel...wtf? How do they even know what an angel sings like?).
So yeah, because I missed newquay so much, I wasn't very sociable. In fact at one point, i literally just went up to sit in arthur's bedroom on my own. Then I went home.

So when I told people I was going home, Angel randomly asked me why.

And I said...: "...Because I want to."

Angel: "You seem a bit depressed"

Me: *glare* "...yeah, kind of."

Angel: "what's up?"

Me: "no offence...but I only met you today, why would I tell you?"

Angel: "...oh."

Me: "bye"

Did I sound rude?
I did didn't I?
At the time, I didn't mind that I sounded rude...then a few days later I did...now I couldn't give two flying washing machines.

Next day, a few of us went to uniparks...and surprise surprise, he was there.
I realised that he was actually pretty hot...but there was something weird about him.

He seemed slightly fake, no one else seemed to notice it, so i kind of pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

We made eyes.

We talked.

We laughed.

The next day, we spent the whole of it texting.

The next day, he asked to meet me in town.

So we did, then we went to meet people in the park.

Then we went to another friend's house...then they both came back to mine...then they both left.

Then he texted me....and I could still see him when he texted me...
what the hell?

He invited me to go over to his house.
I did, but i knew nothing could happen, because firstly, I've changed...slightly. Well I like to think I have.

Also, I had woken upp with impetigo around my MOUTH that morning...AND I was on my period...(i'm one of those freaks who thinks everything happens for a reason, so I took that as a 'sign').

So at his house, I started to like him...but I only told one person.
We had a good time...he played guitar and sang to me...which was a bit freaking out...too film like for me...I think I enjoyed it at the time...but now I can't tell.

He was like overly affectionate towards me as well...(seeing as we hardly knew each other and hadn't even kissed or anything).

He kept kissing me on the forehead...IN FRONT OF HIS MUM...

Ewewew.

What a complete pervert.

That night I went to a party at Dino's house.
Angel barely spoke to me the whole time, which I actually didn't care that much about...the only thing I cared about was the fact that I had got alcohol IN MY IMPETIGO, and it KILLED.

I was crying cause everything seemed to be going wrong...and I missed that thing about newquay which I'm not going to ever write about.

So the next day, Angel texted me saying: "Hey howa you? How has your day been? Sorry I was a bit off with you at Dino's (and he put a kiss face)"

I texted him back being all like...."just incase you think I was crying about you...I actually wasn't..." (but made it more convincing...even though i ACTUALLY WASN'T)

He didn't text back...lol to that.

So then when I met Bape, a few days later, I completely forgot about Angel, which I'm very happy about, cause I've heard some stuff about Angel....he is SO not the person I thought he was...he's a complete player apparently. And really bitchy too (not right for a boy to actually be referred to as a bitch)

So.....the day before Bape got back from Bahrain, I met my friend VP in town. I got a text from Angel's friend TO (who I was really good friends with before he went on holiday), and he asked to meet me and VP. When we got there....Angel was there...who had got back from holiday 2 days before.

We somehow (against my will) ended up all going to the cinema together.

Angel sat next to me (I didn't sit next to him...he sat next to me....idiot)

He tried to lace fingers...and i elbowed him in the arm.

I'm good =]

I have such good will power

(i SO don't).

This story really doesn't feel complete to me...Maybe I should just leave it that way.

After all, it is MY blog.

Why should I have to follow standard procedures?

This is the place where I can write down my deepest thoughts without being judged by anyone who I can physically hit.

I like it that way.

The end.

xxxxxxMMG

blogging

2008-08-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

I just really feel like writing my blog right now.

I couldn't possibly be more up for writing it.

There couldn't be a more perfect thing to be in the mood for.

If I were any more up for writing my blog, I would have to soak my head in lactose free milk. (lactose intolerant)

Anyway, although I am in SUCH a writing-my-blog mood, I don't actually have anythiing to write about.

Okay, I've just decided I do.

RESULTS.

Didn't do as well as I wanted to, but my parents seemed happy with it.

Music: A
Drama: A
Philosophy & Ethics: A*
English: B
ICT: Pass
Citizenship: E (YESS...except my dad told me off for not getting a G)
Science: C
Additional science: C
Maths: C

That's all.

I got money out of it so...plus I got into sixthform

Another topic? I think so

Birthday.

It was really good to spend quality time with my mother.
Especially seeing as all we talked about was me. And Bape.

Wicked was AMAZING. Like amazing. There wouldnt be another word to describe it.
I want to BE Elpheba.

CLOTHES. I got lots of clothes.

Me and Bape have been emailing =]

He's in Bahrain.
What an annoying place for him to be.
In fact, anywhere apart from where I live is an annoying place for him to be.

But yeah...it SEEMS to be going well...even though he's across the world at the moment. Not coming back til sunday.

When I said it SEEMS to be going well...thats just MY point of view...and remember, my luck with boys is NOT good. Ever. Lets just hope that this time, it turns out good for both of us.

eating now.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

...regaining the main aspect of my personality.

2008-08-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm actually starting to REGAIN the main aspect of my personality.

Could either be seen as a good thing...or perhaps a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. Not that there's anyone there to look at it seeing as I seem to have lost most of my readers.

Which I don't mind too much.

This is for me, I've decided.

...My blog...that is...

I can't be bothered to have a handwritten diary cause that would mean I'd have to burn every page after I've written it to prevent people who I would prefer not to read it from reading it.

Also, I like the idea of people I don't know being able to read it, which may sound slightly strange to some...but not to me.

Anyway, back to the 'regaining the most important aspect of my life' thingy...

I've met someone who I'm getting along with quite well, and it COULD amount to something...maybe

Perhaps...

If he wanted to...

If we spent enough non-boring time together...which has happened every time we've been together actually: it's never been boring, it's always been...fun?

Bape. That, of course, isn't his name, because I tend not to use people's real names on this blog..seeing as it's anonymous.

Bape, happens to be the make of the shoes he was wearing when I met him =]

Uhuh, I'm a stalker.

Actually, I'd prefer not to be referred to as that from now on...so scrap that.

I'm just very interested.

So yeah...Bape.

I like him, he seems to like me, he's told another friend he likes me...we've kissed a few times, and we're basically acting like a couple.

He's 17..and I'm 16 on Tuesday.

I was talking to my friend, A, today, and he said that he thinks we've grown out of literally initiating the beginning of...boyfriend & girlfriendhood.

What I mean, is that there's no, "will you go out with me..." or "shall we make this official"...allowed anymore, and if there was, we would have to have decreased in age and become 14-year-olds. Do you follow?

I'm really bad at this kind of thing though...cause, well, those of you who've been following my blog, should have noticed that I've been in a 'thing' with quite a few guys, and every time I've actually gotten into a proper relationship (as far as a 'proper relationship' goes, at this age...), it's always been initiated out loud.

This proves how immature I am, and how mature Bape could be.

OH YEAH!, you don't know anything about this guy yet do you...?

He's a tiny bit taller than me, wears a lot of topman...has black hair, and green eyes....which is always a HOT combination.

That's all you need to know.

So the question that this post revolves around is: How do I know if this guy is my boyfriend or not? (when he gets back from holiday)

End of...for now.

On another note, I get my GCSE results back on Thursday!

I don't know whether i'm dreading it or looking forward to it...it all depends on how I do...which makes no sense because that's in the future....and I can't decide if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it AFTER the event, can I now?

Here's what I'm hoping to achieve:

Maths: C
Chemistry: C
Biology: C
Physics: C
Citizenship: E (it get's better after this...)
English Lit: A
English Language: A
Food tech: A
Philosophy and Ethics: A
Music: A*
ICT: C
Drama: A*

...I think that's all the subjects...
anyway, I'd be extremely happy with those results!

Especially the A* in music.

Anyway, I'm at A's house with A and Rawr (which is also a fake name), and I'm being very antisocial, so must go..

Night

XXXXXXXX MMG

Losing the main aspect of my personality

2008-07-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

Guess what happened to me.

Tired of trying to work out what happened? Or have you figured out that however long you spend trying to guess what happened it wont matter because I am going to eventually tell you what happened and break the suspence?

I think I'll tell you now.

Towel (remember towel?) kissed me last night.

We were walking back from a party to the area where both he and my friend, Jamz, lives and when he walked us to Jamz's house, he kissed me goodbye. And it wasn't one of those 'IM HORNY' kisses, it felt really meaningfull.

It's weird. Usually I'd be thinking this is a good thing, and I'd be really excited about it. But I'm not. And through this post I'm aiming to try and figure out why the hell i'm not happy about it.

I mean, I've liked him for quite a bit, on and off, so thats even more reason for me to be confused at why I'm not HAPPY.

Maybe it's because I haven't kissed/been kised like that since Kaz. But last time me and Towel wer getting close it all went really bad and messed up. I really have changed in that way.

Remember what I said a while ago about Sheep? About how whenever I approach him a danger sign comes up in my head. Well, this is starting to happen with every guy now I guess.

Ever since Kaz I've been put off boys.

It's taken me a while to actually admit it...but I think that's whats happened.

Wait...what?

It's not like I'm completely put off boys, I mean I'm still very interested in boys, I'm still attracted to some of them...hah.

I'm just terrifyed of getting hurt.

OH MY GOD I'M SO WEIRD.

BYE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG

Bored.

2008-06-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am so bored.

Seriously though.

I am the boredest person in the history of anybody ever.

If there were to be a prize for the boredest person on this planet (ever), it would be extremely likely for me to win.

This might not seem like an original thing to say, but it IS in fact, an original feeling, because as I said, nobody has ever been this bored ever.

This is the only way such boredom could be described.

This is all you need to know.

I'm going to go and bathe in my boredom.

MMGXXXXXXXXXXX

PS.....pathetic..i know.

DANGER

2008-06-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

Surely this blog has now been forgotten...just a distant memory falling away...like a wet cake.

But I'm afraid I've started up again...yep. I shall notify my mother...who with then notify oscar...and then I will have 2 main readers again...(perhaps more if my other regulars [two others...] hear...or check the blog out of bordem)!!

Why haven't I written for over a month? Because I've been revising, tricking myself into thinking I'm revising, socialising, sleeping, and sitting exams. Most of which I was revising. Sounds fun dont you think? (when I say most of the time I was revising, what I actually mean, is that because revising is so boring, 4 hours seemed like a whole day).

I'm not sure if theres anything actually interesting to tell... I guess I'll just take one of the biggest events and explain...hmm

OH! A's party...twas on the night of um.....the 4th of May?..(I think) All was silent...well...it wasn't...it wasn't at all. AHEM! Basically, it was a joint birthday party to celebrate the birthdays of both A and...F (two of my friends). They decided to have a pre-BBQ, which only about 8 people were invited to...and I happened to be one of them.

This was very good, because it meant we got food, not just any kind of food...meat!...the kind of food which is the flesh of animals? Some people don't eat meat, they prefer vegetable slop (MOTHER). We were also provided with drink (the mind altering kind), which got me quite tipsy for when the rest of the party guests began to arrive. This was good, because it meant that I didn't have to FORCE myself to be more social and greet people as nicely as I did completely naturally when my mind had been slightly altered by the alcoholic beverages which I mentioned before.

Anyway, the party had begun...and everyone was there...it was a mix of groups which made it a lot better too...and yeah...it all ended in tears...

Everyone was flirting with that guy I like, I might actually give him a name now...Sheep...theres a reason for that...a reason that I can, actually explain...for some strange reason...whenever he approaches all his friends say his name as if it were coming from the mouth of a sheep...like BBAAAAAAAAHHHHH except with him name...oh well...
So Sheep it is, so everyone was flirting with sheep...and because i was mind-altered, AND upset, I started crying...and that resulted in Shar crying too cause she knows he likes her and she doesnt like him and she's in love with someone who has a girl friend and the whole thing is just COMPLETELY MESSED UP!!! *sigh* some and Shar went to the end of the garden and were talking and crying on the bench...when STUPID Sheep comes up! Come up with that 'im-having-a-great-time-at-this-party-i-know-i-think-i'll-come-over-here-and-try-and-spread-my-joy-and-take-no-notice-at-the-fact-that-they-obviously-have-a-good-reason-to-be-alone-over-here-crying------oh-well!!' look on his face...ugh. He asked what was wrong, (still with a smile on his face...) and I said "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK IS WRONG YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT? I REALLLLY like you for some stupidly pathetic reason, and you, instead choose to like someone who you find impossible to have a conversation with, someone who you've basically never spoken to, someone who DOESNT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN YOU!!!! rather than someone like me, someone who you can have fun with and TALK to!!" (I didn't actually say any of that....but I was thinking it...
Shar and I just gave him a "get-the-hell-away-from-us" glare.

Later, when I'd mostly finished crying, I walked past Sheep, and he asked if he could speak to me...he basically told me that he was concerned and really cared that I was upset...which was very convincing, but i know deep down he was chortling at the fact someone who cant have him likes him...then i told him that i liked him and told him why it upset me. He didn't look AT ALL suprised, and said that he was really sorry, he saw me as a really good friend and that he LOVED me as a friend...but that he still really liked Shar.
This upset me VERY A LOT.

That is all I have to say on the matter.

Nowadays (a few weeks later) I still find it difficult...It's weird its something I haven't really felt before...it's kind of like...whenever I start thinking about him, or get into a deep conversation with him...I force myself to get out of it. Even though it might mean that we are getting closer, and the conversation could lead to others which lead to him starting to like me...there is still always something stopping me.
It's like every time I cross the line of socialising with him..my mind says 'DANGER'..and I back away.

I don't know why this is suddenly starting to happen, i only noticed it in the last two days.
But I think it's because I'm scared of being hurt again.
Kaz hurt me...and I think that's because he wasn't nearly as into me as I was into him...
And Sheep isn't into me.
I want someone who after having only a few conversations with...I can click with.
Someone who shows an interest in me straight away.
Until them, I'm closing off to boys.
I wont go out of my way.
Afterall, I think I'll be happier that way...

ANYWAY! thats enough deepness from me!

I'm going to revise....BYE!

XXXXXXXXXMMG

Brazil...

2008-04-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

Not too sure how much time I have to write this....the computer is likely to explode in...i dunno.....2 hours.....1 minute....who knows. (the battery is low)

Things that have happened since I last posted:

#I've started to like that guy that I mentioned (you know, the one who likes Shar?...) WAY more than I did before....but Im not gonna do anything about it cause of exams =]

#I've finished literally ALL of my coursework, thank CHRIST.

#I've taken a long plane journey to the other side of the universe (Brazil)

#I'm still AT the other side of the universe

#I've seen a rather large toad.

#I've kicked the rather large toad with my toe.

#I've got an AMAZING tan which I am thouroughly proud of!!

#I've tried to calm my sexual frustration (which is getting FAR worse than it should be) by almost drowning in the sea when being tumbled by waved taller than my 2 story house.

#I've seen the HOTTEST GUY EVER, and made eyes with him, and am hoping to at least SEE him again, (which I really wont).

They are all the significant things I can remember.

Everything else is a blur really...

Oh well.

and SPAZ, i PROMISE I will start commenting on your blog when I get back, it's just I have like NO time over here :(

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

WAY HO.

2008-03-27T04:48:00.001-07:00

I've just finished ALL my IT coursework =]

You may have guessed that I'm in an IT lesson right now. Well, I am.

I only have about 15 mins to write this, I had a major urge.

Remember I told you about Towel?

Well, I liked him for a few days...kind of do now, but he's ridiculously shy around girls, in fact, he'll probaly get shot for it =]
So, you know me, if I have to work to hard to get something that I don't want THAT much...I'll give up, and I've now, officially given up :)
Only took me a couple of days, go me, I'm maturing. (no snide comments from Oscar thank you very much)

I'm interersted in someone else...a tiny bit, but he likes shar, and shar like him a tiny bit, but she said shes not gonna do anything about it.

I wont tell anyone about this guy, cause when I do, I always get more into them. Which wouldnt be good, cause then Shar would probaly start to like him (my luck indeed) and they'd go out and ID be the one crying in the corner. Nono, I think I'll pass on that. But, I'm sure there will be more to tell you about this guy, who BY THE WAY, is not a normal teenager...he's never been into girls until recently, but he's BLOODY hot. *sigh*

I need to concenterate on my exams which are coming up painfully soon. PAINFULLY soon.

I did well in my terminal task today though...don't know what that is??
Well, the name "terminal task" kind of says it all...we have 25 minutes to compose a peice of music 16+ bars long. I enjoyed it though, I'm actually good at that kind of thing, believe it or not.

Ha, I bet I'll get around 3 out of 30 now I've said that...

WOAH, someone just threw talc n powder all over Ginger kid...I think I called him OEL...not sure though. That someone was Towel...haha, im an idiot.

Okay, I think I'm going slightly crazy, seeing as I just saw the outline of a moustache in my head.

Kill me, kill me now. :)

LOTS OF LOVE!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

2008-03-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

I can't tell weather im in the mood to write this or not...am I?...or am I not?
Oh well, I guess I have to write it, seeing a I've got my laptop in front of me and no one worth talking to is on msn...and also...it's almost been a week since my last post, which BTW (on the subject of my last post) has no relevance to my current state of life/mind. What I mean to say, is that pay no attention to the previous post...I was in the middle of a MAHOOOSIVE mood swing and everything was upsetting me. Trust me, you don't want to know why I was so pissed off...and even if I chose to tell you, I wouldn't be able to because I'm not experiencing the emotions I would require in order to tell you...(the emotions which I was experiencing at the time of my previous blog) I can see you know PRECISELY what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, I'm in a pretty good mood...I've realised I get extremely depressed and moodswingy when I havent seen any of my friends in a day...I noticed this yesterday, when I was in the house ALL day...I began to get stressed out for no reason, and I knew I had to get out of the house...so I did. And I was in a really good mood when I got out. I thik I might be addicte to socialising. Now I can't imagine this being a good thing what with all my GCSEs coming up in...about 2 months, so I'm definitely going to have to find some way of dealing with this rare teenage problem.

I'm happy now though =] BECAUSE my parents have bought me NOW thats what I call music 69 so I don't have to spend hours getting my friends to send songs to me, they also bought me the soundtrack to WiCKED the musical. And some random books. Oh, almost forgot...a music revision book so I might get higher than a D in music (i wont).

GOODBYE!!!
xxxxx MMG

What?!!?tahW

2008-03-17T12:59:00.000-07:00

Why do guys purposefully make my life so difficult? Not anyone else's...just mine.

Anyway, going completely off the topic of guys: I'm completely over Kaz...and it feels AWESOME. Apart from the fact that I feel like a complete idiot for being on him in the first place...oh well! He doesn't speak to me anymore.

But blah blah, i went to a party this weekend and got to know this guy called...erm....Towel...okay, yeah that one did literally just come off the top of my head...but Towel it is (for those complete losers who don't know how I roll, Towel is in fact NOT his real name, but just a nickname I've decided to give him so people who I know who so rudely find some way of reading my blog without my permission don't know if im bitching about them or not..although most of them could probally guess anyway...) So yeah...Towel...we got on really well at the party and exchanged numbers...he goes to my school mut we've never really spoken before, he's quite shy...wait, I'm just going to kill my keyboard breifly...
fiheduaifhuaikjfhuaikgfluadkgh uadkgrfAgBalGHIAEHI tmkahygkadrugl\sy,ktjmyrebjmdthnvdkeghesj,fhrje,svnh dkx,xnhjdbhnv njmxbh vf kjmgb ehksaulj,fnervej,smtnfrhskjtvhndsrb gyjhmdtbg brhjmdbrhejkg hajfjnhybkrxg jd,tnhgtrj,wnherjg hjkbnj3nhegheghjeyviowuteoiymeiltk,ewukw4tbw5mu

Oh god that felt SO good!!!! I think I might have to do it again, but this time I'll delete it afterwards...

ugh again with the feeling goodness.

I don't feel like writing actually...I'll have to finish the story when I feel more inspired =]

this'll keep you waiting

NIGHT!

XXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

Need to find someone new to like...any suggestions?

2008-03-09T01:48:00.000-08:00

The show must have (just as I suspected) been SO painful for everyone in the audience, because the stage is so MAHOOSIVE, you couldn't hear any of the chorus work...at all.

And the younger people put barely ANY effort into it whatsoever.
I was bloody sweating after my solo 'Somebody to love'...which went better than expected.

Also, everyone of my friends who said they would come came...but what's more is that everyone who said they probably wouldn't come came too...apart from Kaz (who said he would come when we were together)...but tbh, he probably wouldn't have been that supportive at the end anyway, and he's not obliged to support me anyway...so why would he have come?...shut up. About half of the left side of the audience was taken up with people from my school!! Of course they didn't JUST come to see me, 'cause another one of my friends. Shar, was in it too she was SO good, we had this scene with her..(you know the last scene that I told you about?...the one I was crapping myself about?) and she filled in lines for another girl who was hopeless in that particular scene...well tbh we were all pretty hopeless compared to the rest of the show.

At the end of the show they were all screaming my name and some of them threw flowers at me...good thing too, if they'd thrown tomatoes I would have just picked one up and eaten it. oh well.

I went to a restaurant afterwards..and after that to a friend's house with quite a few other people. Everyone was telling me how 'amazing' i was...it made me feel so buzzy. Some of them said I 'glued the show together'. HAHA two of my friends were actually crying at the end...I asked them how bad I was and they were like I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

I want to do the show again, NOW.

But anyway...school tomorrow...church today.

I want a boyfriend already, i need one...otherwise I'll get depressed, why can't you just walk up to a random hot guy and said 'Hello, would you like to be my boyfriend?'???? It's just not done, but why? I just miss having someone to go to who I can be open and affectionate to...and they can be back...Kaz wasn't very affectionate....okay shut up now.

Also, the cosmic horn is getting worse...couldn't I at least have the general horn?...it would be easier. I need to like someone, it makes life so much more interesting, I still like Kaz, but I'm definitely not gonna try anything, or get back together...well I might try the whole friends with benefits thing...but I doubt it will work, it would basically be the same as what it was like actually going out with him, he'll act like we're not together at school...then when we're both 'horny' it will be as if we are going out...but less.
I kind of feel like once his mother got back from India he like didn't want/need me anymore, and that was one of the reasons it all went downhill (including my extreme tendencies to moan to excess). I mean, if this was the case I think it would be quite sweet that he wanted some sort of woman in his life, to kind of look after him. But why did I have to make it me?!

I just sort of wish I hadn't got emotionally involved with him, I don't think we made a good couple, we're so different, and everyone was telling me that all along, they were all saying that they didn't think he treated me very well, and I should have listened. But oh well, I didn't.

Ugh, I really don't know how to get my point across to you few readers!

He is really nice inside, like REALLY nice,as in, helps his elderly neighbor bring her shopping into her house. And that cannot be good for his "image"
He just has a quite tough outer shell, but once you break through it he's such a lovable person.
I want to be friends with him though, not cause I still 'fancy' him, but because he's hilarious, and good to talk to. But I'm gonna leave it to him, cause blah blah he's the one who broke up with me...there are rules and I need to wait until HE's ready to start talking...but then what if I don't start a conversation with him an he thinks I'm ignoring him..then he never talks to me again? He's so confusing like that! This is quite a philosophical topic...agreed? It just keeps going.

Whatever, I just need to find something else to blog about other than Kaz.

...........this could take a while.

I think I'll go now,

Good morning!

XXXXXXXXXX MMG

The Show...and the continuation of getting over Kaz.

2008-03-06T11:30:00.001-08:00

Hm, I know it's only been a day since my last blog...but it's just so hard to keep away from my adoring fans...(sarcasm)
The real reason is that I just wanted to express my anxiousness AND excitement(...well...something in between one of those two), about the show tomorrow (tomorrow being friday)!

Just incase you, for some reason, haven't read every single one of my blogs religiously and check it every day to see if I've written another post, then you might want to know (and there is also a possibility you do not want to know, in which case, please direct your cursor to the small X in the top right hand corner of the window) about the show I'm a part of at a little stage training thingy called Stagecoach.

The show is We Will Rock You...its basically a really badly written play based around Queen songs which have been ultimately POPifyed by the beloved Ben Elton. I've got the part of Scaramouche, who's pretty much the leading character's (Galileo) sidekick/lover. Oui, I have a few solo's and I'm on stage quite a lot, so i'm pretty excited about THAT part of it...the only part I' worried about is...well....

The whole of ACT 2!!!!! =)

We've barely blocked the FINAL scene which is s'posed to be the best part of the show, the part which the whole audience are SUPPOSED to remember and leave thinking "hmm, what a fantastic show, the direction in the last scene was FABULOUS, it created a tremendous ending! I wish I could see it again!". But in fact, they will probaly be leaving thinking..."hmm...it started off pretty good....but the end ruined it. Why on earth did I waste my time on this when I could have been wrapped up in a duvet eating strawberry cheescake flavoured ice cream with a long spoon, watching Shrek 2 behind a locked door? =)".

I might just be assuming the worse...but you never know!

But in the end, at least we have fun DOING the show.

I hope it turns out okay...

By the way, the Kaz situation since yesterday is pretty good, it doesn't pain me to think about him anymore...it doesn't make me upset...which for some reason actually makes me stop thinking about him!!

That could always be because I haven't seen him in practically 2 weeks...which is slightly gay, cause I would actually like to stay friends with him...but if he doesn't want to I guess that's his choice. oh, and in school on tuesday....or monday...not really sure what day it was, I'm sure it won't really make a difference to the story...
he was standing outside our science room, and i went to say hello to him, and he seemed SO uneager to talk to me...i mean, fair enough...but he could at least try to be civil.

Anyway, i'm moving on now, I'm pretty much over him, it was a fun relationship while it lasted..well...some of it. And I learnt something extreamly important!
NEVER EVER listen to a guy when they tell you they think it's best if you tell them their faults...I think thats the main reason why we split up. Every time he upset me or pissed me off I would tell him about it in a really 'hello-I'm-going-to-suffocate-you-until-you-become-the-perfect-boyfriend-for-me" kind of way. I started getting pretty pathetic towards the end...I just got really moanie and didn't think of how that might make him feel...I allowed myself to get upset too easily.
He toughened me up a lot though, I'm don't regret our relationship now, thinking about it I really did learn a lot.

I'm gonna be a good girlfriend next time I find someone...hopefully!!! (which I wont, because I've decided to just lao guys unless they come to me....no going out of my way for any guy from now on....unless im in a relationship.)

But unfortunately..the cosmic horn is starting up again, and there's no one to take it out on. I'm SO sexually frustrated. Hmm I'll just call Kaz-.....WAIT, he'll get freaked out nd hang up. (even though he doesn't have a phone atm...)..yeah, actually, sorry to moan on at you, but is it normal to still be extremley attracted to your ex about a month after they break up with you?? Well it isn't for me, but for some reason it's happening. My imagination's getting carried away every time I see him...too much information?...I think not!!

I wonder what he'd say if I suggested being friends with benefits...not even friends...perhaps just two people who go to the same school who never talk with outside of school benefits...hmm...I know what I'd say if he asked me :D
If he wasn't oh so intimidating I would suggest it....oh well.

hahaa, I'm a pathetic freak who's turning into a pathetic geek with a very large sex drive!!

oh.....AND I'm working in school!

The only problem right now is that my cat has done a rather large poo behind the kitchen door...oh well, life's good!

Adios!!

XXXXXXXXx MMG

Panic Attacks

2008-03-04T11:50:00.000-08:00

Something very strange and unlike me is happening.

I'm beginning to fully concentrate in school...i'm still not completely over Kaz and I hate that, so I guess I'm just putting all my anger, depression and....depression into thought (about work) or exercise (either performance or something ridiculous like P.E or swimming). And it's paining me, it's good at the time, especially right afterwards when I realise i've spent a whole lesson not thinking bout Kaz...then of course, I realise that everything I had just achieved in the past hour has just been wasted in those few seconds where my mind switches back to Kaz.

But anyway, I went way off topic, what I was attempting to write, was that when I get home after my drama rehearsals which occur every day religiously, after school, I'm always in chronic amounts of both physical AND mental pain from working harder than any human teenager who hasn't been to a private school should.
For example, yesterday I was so caught up in forcing myself to stop thinking about Kaz, so I actually decided to do loads of homework, then go swimming. Either I'm maturing more than I would like to, I'm becoming clinically depressed/dying, or the rift between time and space has been opened, and the top left hand corner of my brain has been taken over by a small, alien wasp type creature who is controlling my every move.
I, personally, think the last explanation is the most likely by far. Don't you?

Anyway, I've got to go now, I need to go to sleep. Uhuh, at 8pm. This is what Kaz has done to me.
ACTUALLY, I've just remembered something which you readers might actually find either interesting, or disturbing.

I've been having these panic/anxiety attacks lately...not too sure whats causing them, but the first one started in maths, I'd almost completely finished the work...before anyone else...(just another example of my new wasp-operated brain's hardworkingness) and suddenly a HUGE shot of adrenaline went up me, and i got a really bad headache, honestly, it felt as if I was being used as a bulldozer (my head that is...) my lips and hands went numb, I got butterflies in my stomach (and can I just say, it was very rude of them to enter without being invited before hand) and I couldn't breath properly. So the teacher asked me if I was okay and I said can I go and get a drink of water...so he said 'no, you can go to the medical room', so I went downstairs and outside to get some fresh air, and called my mother to ask her if she could help me calm down. She could, of course, she's very good at that sort of thing. So I described my symptoms(although I'm not sure she actually heard ANYTHING I said, cause I was in such a panic), and she told me to breath slowly and blah blah I can feel this getting boring.

Basically, I went to my next lesson, almost died again, then went to the medical room, sat in there for a bit with my face in a pillow...I was in tears...but I didn't want anyone to see so I practically forced myself upon a pillow, which seemed very happy to ingest me at the time, but found it rather difficult to let go when I realised I was being suffocated and had to get out.
I was really shaky for the rest of the day, and for hours afterwards I had a really strange ringing sensation in my ears...spooky stuff.

So yeah, I've had a couple of these over that last few days, not nice at all, I need to train my antibodies to fight these horrible attacks off....but is that even possible?

Thankyou for wasting my time!!! I'm going to sleep now, BYE!!

XXXXXX MMG

UGH.

2008-02-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

Me+Kaz= Over

Me-Kaz= Tears

Kaz-Me= Happy, apparently...not exactly in those words, he said he still liked my but thought it would be better if we finished it before things got worse. For example, he stood me up on valentines day :) Yes, he fell asleep.

In my opinion Kaz-Me= no life
But I would prefer him to be happy, and I agree, that is SO not me. Whats also not me is the fact that im crying about breaking up with a boy, usually it's ME doing the breakup and I dont cry afterwards....I usually cry at the time...but I've been crying on and off since we split up. Everything reminds me of him....even THIS reminds me of him, WHY?! I was listening to a song called 'Now You're Gone' which reminded me of him and i broke into tears. Oh well, I know I'll get over it in a matter of days...im not sure if i actually miss HIM...i think i just miss having a boyfriend and affection on tap. My mother suggests not getting a boyfriend until summer so I can concenterate on my work, but I'm gonna start having flings....and I don't want to....wait...If i dont want to....why dont I just NOT?

Shut up now.

Bye

XXXXXXMMG

Life. (Nothingness)

2008-02-11T11:34:00.000-08:00

HELLO!!!

God it feels good to write this thing...its been about 3 weeks....maybe 4..whatever its just been a very long time for me, stop accusing me of lies.

Anyway....not much has really happened....in fact...actually nothing has happened.

Things I can remember:
1. Z and Dino are now going out....I have to say I think I might actually be happy for them..in which case I may have to punish myself severaly...no chocolate for 5 minutes.
2. It's valentine's day on thursday, and I have a boyfriend for it =]
3. I'm very sorry to say, but there really isn't anything new and significant in my life.

I need inspiration. Would anyone like to do the honers? (of giving me inspiration)

Hmm having a boyfriend makes my life boring. WHat will I do when I'm married?

Oh well

Bye
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

IT lessons

2008-01-21T03:29:00.001-08:00

Are crap. And boring.

It's not that we have a bad teacher, we have a good, nice teacher...but I am just not remotely interested in computers. At all!

If we wanted a future working with computers we would have taken Digital applications for GCSE, and some people did. But most people didn't, and we should be allowed to have a maths or English lesson or something actually important!

All you need to know about computers, is how to send an email, and access the Internet.

And apparently create animations...

We don't need 6 years of IT lessons to learn THAT!

oops...the teacher just looked over my shoulder and is now addressing me as 'Moanie Miss Groanie'. Quite right too.

Kaz and I are getting on really well...i mean it probably wont be long until we have intense arguments...but isn't that what teenage lives are all about? No?

I beg to differ.

*Saves as Draft*

It is now 15:49

I am at Kaz's house now, I didn't have enough time to finish writing, so I decided to save, rather than just close the window.

Clever, aren't I?

UGH, can't think of anything to write about! I hate it when that happens. Does it ever happen to you?

Hmm, why would I even bother asking, you're not going to reply to the question (unless you happen to be Oscar) you're all stupid adults or intelectual people who are either aren't reading my blog, reading my blog because you want to laugh at me, or because you feel sorry for me (no offence if you're actually ENJOYING reading this).

Anyway, nothing new = nothing to write about, I was just bored in IT...OKAY!

Gawd...

Bye!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

2008-01-15T01:04:00.000-08:00

I washed my hair BEFORE school today...it was horrible. My head froze over. I usually just have one before bed, but Kaz was over til like 9:30 and I wanted sleep before the exam today so I couldn't be arsed.

Uhuh...exam. We've got a biology exam at 1:15 today, it's so depressing. If I get lower than a C i'll retake though. And what kills it is that on top of all this revision i've got to do, our teachers, who each assume THEIR subject is the most important, even if it IS citizenship (which has no importance to me whatsoever) , all are giving us homework. So I have no time for ACTUAL important things like seeing Kaz and watching TV. I also need to cook my final cook...for food tech which I really cannot be bothered to do, AND I need to do all the coursework....which is even more boring. Why did I take food tech? My teacher said:
"Josie I'm really quite concerned. If you don't cook every single lesson and assume that cooking is the only thing you're good at and what you enjoy doing most, then you might not get an A*!!!"
(Please note that the text in red, she didn't actually say, but she was thinking it, I could see it in her eyes.)

And finally, I have to kill my P.E teacher, because she said that every lesson I don't bring my football boots I'll have a lunchtime detention. Even though I don't have, and will never have a pair of football boots. It's not fair..I'm not paying like 30 quid for football boots just so I can please and happyfy my lesbian PE teacher. She can pay for it herself. Also, If I did buy them, I would only be using them for the next 2 weeks (that's 3 lessons), until we move onto gymnastics or fitness or something. There really is no point. Maybe I'll just have to endure the pain of not being able to go to G-Town for a few lunchtimes. Nope, I'll just kill her.

Me and Kaz had a little spat yesterday morning, it wasn't really a big deal, we were both just in bad moods...and he was a bastard to me.

We were walking with our usual crowd of people (ie. Naz, Z and Max, who isn't significant enough in my life for me to give him another name) And we were walking slightly ahead...and he wasn't talking, like, at all. So I asked him if he was alright...and this is how it went...

Me: Are you alright..?
Kaz: No.
Me: really?
Kaz: No.
Me: So which is it...are you okay or not?
Kaz: I'm fine, stop asking me.
Me: Oh...do you not like it when I take an interest in your feelings? (my mother pointed out that all boys despise that kind of question...oops)
Kaz: I answered you didn't I? (in a chav accent, because, sadly...he is a bit of a chav...but in a good way)
Me: ....yeah, but-
Kaz: *walks off*

This is how it was from my eyes...it might not have seemed like he was doing anything wrong to him...but I'm a girl, a fragile, soft creature...my skeleton is on my inside...maybe boys aren't like that. Maybe boys are secretly ants. If you are a boy and are reading this blog, feel free to answer anonymously telling me if you are an Ant. If you fail to do this, my curiosity might get carried away and I will be forced to experiment on you. (Boys in general).

So....after school at like 5, after I had done some revision =D , I went over to his house to explain why I had completely blanked him all day...he was on the way out of his house when I got there, and it was raining...(what a pathetic fallacy that was...) and he looked at me and came up to me and gave me a hug and said sorry...and we sorried at each other. Then we went inside his house and spoke about things.

Turned out it had just been a bit of a misunderstanding...he thought that I walked away from him..as in fell back to walk with Naz and Z...but I saw it in a different way. After all, I AM a bit of a hypochondriac. Have you noticed my spelling has gotten better lately? Is has hasn't it.

That's because I'm cheating by using the spell checker. HAHA! I'm maturing.

ANNYWAY

Going

Me and Kaz are very happy again...good. Yep, I know.

What?

Bye!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

Cosmic horn has disintegrated!!!!

2008-01-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

For the first time in 76854 BILLION years, I am Specifically Horned!!!

YUP! Attracted to only one person, and not every living thing. Although, I can't type on this keyboard...

I have a new bf now =) But he wont be called BF, he'll still be called Kaz. Even though its not his name.

Can't really write today, so don't flood me with insulting comments.

I get on with him well. But he can be a bit of a bastard sometimes. =) <--- I need to stop using that face.

He's standing right behind me so I will therefore not be writing about anything he might hit me with. (verbally)

Crap, I'm making him sound like a complete...horrible person. He's really not. He's ACTUALLY nice. I used to hate him though, which is cool. Also, I'm moanie miss groanie, so he MUST be nice if he's willing to put up with me.

Also, he actually ASKED me what I wanted to do on valentine's day...boys I usually go for (ie. old BF) are either too stuck up themselves to ask what someone ELSE wants to do, or they just don't make any effort of that kind until the day before valentine's day...(old BF, I've forgotten what I called him...).

Anyway, I'll stop boring you, although the subject I'm about to scratch down into the keyboard (what!?) is probably 10000 times more boring.

School.

I'm back at school now. I've only been back for 2 days and I already want to blow it up.
Hmm...nah, I'll get found out. Everything I do I always end up getting caught as my mother so kindly pointed out to Kaz at the dinner table...so no heroin for me!!!

...that was a joke...I'd never do heroin...people who take it DESERVE to get addicted and die...in the nicest possible way. =) (again with the face)

I'm reading a book called CANDY. It's SO good. I read some of it the other night, and I'm actually traumatised because I couldn't sleep because I was so desperate to find out what happened...I had to make it up in my head when I became too tired to even hold my eyes open with match sticks. That is the definition of a good book. Speaking of books...my mother's book will be coming out in the next few weeks :D

But I'm not going to say anything about it because firstly it might reveal my identity, and secondly it has hardly anything to do with moi. And if you want to read about my mother, read her blog...NOT MINE!!! I'm more interesting than her anyway...she's not a teenager and is therefore the most boring being on this planet (apart from all the other non-teenagers).

I have ACTUAL science GCSEs next week...YAY!!! I'm SO excited. -.-

(just in case you suffer from lack of sense of humor, that was sarcasm).

But what I just said in brackets was not sarcasm, if you lack a sense of humor, I seriously suggest you have one inserted.

OH GOD!...specific horn (not cosmic...) ATTACKING!! must go...

*gone*

XXXXXXXXXXX MMG

Life. School. Boys. Teachers throws up

2007-12-14T09:03:00.000-08:00

WOAH! Im WELL enjoying mocks!!!

(I'm not)

SO much work to do and i died in my english exam. Yeahp, I'm dead. I thought i was good at english, im obviously not.

did ridiculously well in my philosophy exam seeing as I only really revised for ethics. Although now I've said that im likely to get a Z. I'll be happy with a C though (for mocks) cause apparently last year everyone got an E for their mock and an A* for their real thing. Amazing what these pointless days at school can do for you in the real world.

I wonder if there really is a real world...maybe all adults are just robots and everyone dies at 18
but their body is then ran on robot oil. Yep, definitely.

Just incase your wondering, there is a new male robot (not a robot yet) in my life. His name is Kaz. Well, it's not, but lets just say it is. Just for the hell of it.

I've been spending quite a lot of time with him lately, im probaly going to end up having no friends but him because of it. but thats fine. "Who needs friends at such an important time of your life"- quote most teachers in the world (they don't have friends...actually, I saw my music teacher in G-town the other night. She was carrying a bottle of wine and she was with a few of the science teachers. I bet they have a popular and unpopular group of teechers. Hell they probably have the druggies, the skaters ect. Yep.)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is annoying!! What? you ask?

Just life.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG

Sweet, but Sickening

2007-11-30T06:18:00.001-08:00

Ha, funny story...

I decided to 'lao' (forget about) Vani. He's just too sickeningly sweet. TOO sweet. As in I would have to hit him 5 times a day to prevent him from saying anything which might force me to throw up. For example, he said that He was listening to the 'sweetest thing' (it's a song) and thinking of me...this guy is gonna get shot sooner or later. This put me RIGHT off him.

So a few days ago, this is how our conversation went on msn...

Vani: I've been thinking about you a lot.
Me: Aww lol
Vani: And I've been thinking that maybe we should take this fling of ours to the next level.
Vani: As in, become an item?

(I was gagging by this point)

Vani:...hello?
Me: Oh sorry, yeah. I dunno, we don't really know each other very well...and like, I've got SO much work to do atm.
Me: So yeah, it wouldn't be good if one of us got hurt over it. So we should probably just leave it?
Vani: lol yeah I completely agree, it was just a thought.

And then the next day he sent me a text message saying:

Hey, haven't spoken in a while. What are you doing over the weekend?
I dunno what I'm doing but I know I'd like to see you at some point...
cya . love xxx

Haven't spoken in a while my ARSE.
I just didn't text back.

He can't be THAT obsessed, Ive only met him twice...

Anyway, now THAT'S over.

I do actually REALLY want a boyfriend, but the reason why I didn't give him a chance is because I think I should choose really carefully, cause I HATE breaking up with people. And I also HATE being in a position where I know I have to break up with someone cause I've gone off them.
So my new policy is: If I meet a guy who tells me/acts as if he's interested, I will first have to be thinking about him non-stop before I let anything get serious. (By serious, I don't mean actually serious, cause I'm only 15 remember...) He must be good looking (body and face) enough for me to not go off him physically, and he must have a personality which I can be completely myself around without there ever being any awkward moments. And he MUST make me laugh. Vani didn't make me laugh, I made HIM laugh. Not the way to go.

I hope I did the right thing...

I'm really enjoying writing this while listening to 'One Vision' by Queen, very relaxing.
UGH still half an hour left of school...

I've got my mocks in two weeks. I'm SO nervous.

By the way, just so you all know. I am now OFF the general horn and ON the Cosmic horn (a very painful mental condition where you get BADLY sexually attracted to everyone of the opposite sex, even if they are butt ugly. And if they're even remotely good looking...that is bad.). I HATE it. I was actually crying because of it yesterday. I swear, my hormones are driving me MENTAL.

Hmm I think I'll play some games to ward off all this sexual tension.

Goodbye.

MMG XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I think I'll write another post...

2007-11-20T01:11:00.000-08:00

On my last blog I said I'd explain the pimps and hos party.

I'm not sure I want to.

But assuming you all (2 of you, including me, who doesn't) want to hear the story, I think I will. Well, what I can remember...

We looked amazing, very amazing. Not in a good way though, in an 'I-certainly-belong-in-a-brothel' kind of way. After being told at stagecoach that I wasn't worthy to carry out the role of 'Meat' in the musical 'We will rock you', and that I should, in fact, be playing Scaramouche (the main girl...[I know]) and then watching the girl who was at first, supposed to be playing her, crying at being informed that she wasn't a good enough actor, me and Shar left half an hour early to get ready for the party. We went into the changing rooms to get changed and apply impossible amounts of makeup, then we were forced to model our outfits to the rest of our group and the dance teacher. They were all amazed, which was good. I think.

After meeting our pimps (boys from our school dressed in suits, top hats and holding canes) we walked to summertown to get alcohol. Which worked tremendously well. I shared 2 bottles of beer and a large bottle of Smirnoff-ice with my pimp (Adam) and then consumed other alcoholic beverages which I just took from peoples hands while walking around the party.

Yes, I got off with two guys. (Oscar, how dare you insult me for that, I'm only 15 you cant expect me to get MORE in one night) It was quite a good night, but looking back, I kind of wish I had just NOT got off with these guys.

And I was hungover on the way to Mexico.

And I watched the film 'Georgia Rule' on the plane, which made me inhumanly horny.

Which was bad, because I had to be away from boys for 2 weeks.

After mexico I went to work experience. I'm not going to say much on that topic other than: I became a slave for a week. But I got on with the people at least, and they said I can come back to visit whenever I want for a cup of tea. So I im ever in town and feel like a cupa, I know where to go.

Now my life is based mainly around:
SCHOOL
REVISION
REVISION
HOMEWORK
OVER-DUE COURSEWORK
SCHOOL
BOYS
PARTIES

...which may sound alright, but it's not. I've been spending a lot of time around the 'Europian boys', these guys I met over the summer hols from the Europian school in Abingdon. They're cool, and good for partying with.

There's a problem, though. About two weeks ago, I took some of my friends (only girls) to a party at one of their houses, and we all got off with one or more people. I went there looking for a guy who might be a candidate for a relationship. And I kind of found one. He's nice, fairly good looking, and really likes me now. I like him, but the problem is...I think he might be quite boring. Or just shy, shy would be good, but If I can't brake his shell, how on Earth am I s'posed to know him? He's obsessed with football, half italian and is fluent in italian...which I like, of course. But aren't Italian guys s'posed to be dicks? (sorry...but they do tend to be horribly pervy). So the big question is...is Vani... (his name, I've decided)...is he human?

I'm at school, so therefore, should go. Please shed your thoughts on my comment box...referring to these questions:
1. Should I get to know him before deciding he's not worth it?
2. If I DO get to know him and find out I don't like him, would that count as leading him on?
3. Should I just be a bitch and stop talking to him to give him the message?
4. Should I just go out with him even if he IS boring...?

(all these questions are based on me assuming he doesn't have a personality)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG...funny how my mum's name is MG...

Biggest joke of my life...

2007-10-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

What? Why haven't I got any comments?! Do I really have only one reader? (myself).

Well...I'm back from Mexico, it wasn't too bad considering I had to spend compulsory time with my parents and maniac of a sister 24/7. I got a tan, in fact, here back in England, I feel rather a fluorescent shade of orange. Should I be proud? Or worried?
Unfortunately, I didn't feel the courage (and I have way too much dignity...) to roam around the beaches wearing no bikini top, so I am fairly white around that area. So I'm thinking ultimate usage of my Johnson's gradual tanning lotion thing (just in that area)...but also, I'm thinking maybe not...

Nothing too amazing happened. In fact, nothing. The only memorable thing which I found veir funny at the time was an incident in a posh Mall in Cancun called 'Luxury Avenue'.
Mum, my maniac sister and I were walking around the upstairs of the Mall (is it called a mall? Should I be allowed to refer to it as a Mall seeing as I am in fact English? My mum seems to think it's acceptable, so I may as well go ahead) looking for my sister's 'Mystico' (or whatever that wrestling guy is called...) mask which she had so cleverly lost. I walked past this boy (I say boy, because he looked about 13 or maybe younger, although, boys in my year tend to look about 12 when half of them are 16) and obviously I made flirty eye contact with him, as I always do, it's good practice. Anyway, I made flirty eye contact with him, and he stopped and properly looked my up and down. When I say properly, I don't mean he did it slyly, because he didn't.
Then I carried on walking for about 20 seconds and looked around (as you do) to see if he was still looking. He was. But now he had multiplied. He was standing with another guy, who looked just a bit older than me (i'm 15) so he must've been like 17 or something, and they were BOTH standing still looking at me.
We were about to go down the esculator because we could see my dad and this random guy my mum knows downstairs waving my sister's mask around (she must have given it to my dad without realizing). So we began down the esculator and I noticed the boys coming to the bar just over the esculator and watching me go down. When I had got downstairs, they moved onto the bridge that hung over the bottom floor from the top floor, and they were just stood, leaning over the bars on the bridge watching me still. I found this hilarious and imediately smiled up at the boys. But I didn't manage to see their reaction because my sister had bitten my finger.
We went into this posh resturaunt for cakes and coffee (I didn't eat or drink anything cause I had been feeling ill a few nights ago) and they, of course, followed me up to the resturaunt and looked through the window. I laughed at them and they laughed back (I don't think they realized that I was laughing AT them rather than with them, but you never know, there could have been something they found funny about ME. There wasn't, I've just decided.).
We went quite deep into the resturaunt and I couldnt really see them anymore. Then about 2 minutes later, they had come around to the front window (the window outside) and were looking at me from there. If I hadn't been with my parent's I would have gone to speak to them...this is assuming they speak english...But instead, I smiled politely and stuck my finger up at them =].
This made them wave and go away. I agree. Biggest joke of MMG's life.

What is it with me?

Is there something funny about me?

Or do boys really have nothing better to do than stalk girls?

Why do guys have to be so confusing and unopen...then again, I met a guy recently who was very open indeed, kind of like me. But this led to more confusion and a very tense situation. But that, my readers (if you haven't all died) is another story. A story which I will not be blogging.

I wish all guys could be as open as him, it would make life SO much easier for me. Although, without the confusion of guys, I would have no material for this blog. (not that it would matter, seeing as I have no proof of readers anymore). So guess it's a good thing for some guys to be unopen. Maybe I should try being less open, it might make the guys I actually want a relationship with want a relationship with me.

Not gonna happen.

Huh, this has somewhat depressed me. And I'm writing like a robot today, what has come over me? I've been away from my friends for too long...I need to spend another few days with them before I return to my normal boring self.

Life's been fun, but I think it's time for me to start taking my schoolwork seriously (it's not, but I think I'll give it a go anyway).

MMG
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(story of the pimps and hos party is still in my mind...saving it for next post)

I need to Choose my friends more carefully...

2007-10-11T03:22:00.000-07:00

I am angry as F***. I'm talking to the ginger guy (I may have mentioned him before...) in ICT.

My BEST FRIEND, Z, is flirting her bony arse off with Fred, she knows how much I like him, but STILL she flirts with him, kisses him on the cheek and walks around with her arm around him.

I wouldn't mind AS much if first of all, she didnt check that I was watching her every 5 minutes and if she didn't have a reputation of being able to get ANY guy to like her whenever she wants.

(The Ginger guy has just asked for a name...requested the name Oel. Crap, isn't it?)

To be honest, I've ruined her life twice, I can do it again, and she's told me that I am very intimidating when I don't like her. And when she doesn't like me...I'm never bothered. Me and Shar have been talking about her lately anyway, she's pissing us off...

This morning on the way to school she asked me if I still liked Fred.
Here's how the conversation went:

Z: So...do you still like Fred or have you got a new play thing?
Me: Z, he wasn't and still isn't a play thing, I genuinly liked him, and yeah I still do. Why?
Z: Yeah I'm starting to like him too (laughs)
Me: It's not funny. Do you think he still likes me?
Z: Haha, sorry. I dunno, I'll ask him. Do you think we're gonna be late?
Me: Shut up. Please ask him and tell me what he says, if he doesn't still feel the same then it will be easier for me to find someone else.
Z: Yeah okay.

(Long silence)

Z: I think he might be starting to like me...but I dunno.

(BITCH BITCH BITCH!!! You just DONT say things like that 2 days after your best friend has broken up with them!)

Me:.......What makes you think that?
Z: I duno. God I can't wait till friday.
Me: Me neither.
Z: Would you mind if I got off with Fred.
Me: Yes.
Z: really?
Me: No. To be honest, you'll probaly get off with him anyway, it's a pimps and ho party...WE'LL probaly get off...
Z: We actually will though...
Me: No we wont, I was joking.
Z: Haha, i know...

And thats how it went. She is being SUCH a bitch at the moment. Oel has offered to kill her, but me and Z have been best friends for like 2 years, so that would just be harsh.

If she carries on doing this tomorrow at school, then I'll go up to her and confront her.

Oh no. I want to go to G-town and relax...but I can't, I have a drama rehersal :(

This might be the last time I blog for a few weeks, I'm going to Mexico day after tomorrow.

Miss me...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

My family are selfish.

2007-10-10T03:37:00.000-07:00

The deed is done.

Yesterday, I spoke to Fred at break time and we came to a decision: We're gonna stick as friends.

Shame for him though...see, I'm going to this 'Pimps and Hoes' party on friday at my friend's house, there are like 30 people going.

I've got this AMAZING outfit which I have to say I look quite sexy in...I don't think I should describe it though because they'll probably be an internet lock down in which my blog will probably be either deleted, or for some reason emailed to every single person in the world along with all my personal details. But that would just be the worse case scenario.
I'll be going to Mexico the next day...probably with a hangover, but in the most sophisticated way I can possibly say this: I'll be able to do anything bad or embarrassing, because by the time I get back from Mexico 2 weeks later...no one will remember and it will have died down. But anyway, it will be a shame for Fred that we are no longer going out (not that we ever were, mind you...) because I will be free, and I'm in a veir big headed mood today, so I think I'll risk saying that in what i'm going to be wearing at the party...I'm gonna get a lot of boy attention.

I got a 20 minute detention today because I don't actually HAVE any football boots...it's completely my mum's fault, she refuses to buy them, and if she does buy them, they'll be cheap savvy ones. My mum is so bloody selfish. So is my dad. And my sister. Where do I get my genes from? I'm the only person in my family who hasn't got an ounce of selfishness in my body. Even my CATS are more selfish than me! And my SELFISH parents only give me bloody £115 a month. What on EARTH am I supposed to buy with that?!

I'm angry now, and I'm on a mission with the person next to me to figure out who this random girl who added him on facebook is...(I'm still in school...)

MMG XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Importance Of my existance

2007-10-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

Hello, this may seem extremely out of the blue seeing as I haven't actually blogged for about a century...but I have something very interesting going on in my life.

However, you may not find it too interesting, but hey, you're reading the blog aren't you?...

My life is incredibly important and interesting at the moment (it's not). I'm at school at the moment, so it may be rather difficult to write this all out without the whole school finding out whats going on in my life... Firstly, forget about the other boys I've talked about recently, they're history. There's this new guy (who I've known for about 2 years, and we've been close friends on and off, and I've liked him on and off...) his name isn't Fred, but as you may have noticed by now, I don't tend to use people's real names. Apart from Michael. He doesn't deserve a fake name. So, me and Fred have been rather close lately, we've been spending a lot of time together. (Need I explain more on that particular topic?...) And basically, we've told each other our feelings, we both like each other in the same way...normally this would lead to becoming a simple 'couple'. (Lots of sighing, holding hands and not finishing sentences...) But no. See, Fred broke up with his girlfriend about a month before I broke up with BF, except she broke up with HIM, and about a week later, ran off with one of Fred's best friends. They did this RIGHT in front of Fred. Of course he was upset, but he got over it about a month later. But, Fred is a really good friend of BF's and apparently BF is still in love with me, and hasn't nearly gotten over me, and has been thoroughly pissed off and affected hearing about my 'flings' and 'things' with other guys.

So Fred WANTS us to go out, but the last thing he wants is for BF to find out (I really need to stop calling BF 'BF'...From now on, his new name is Harry, there is a reason why I've chosen that name but if I told you it would tear a whole in our Galaxy and destroy approximately 2 thirds of the universe. So I'm not going to.) so what we're doing now, is going out in secret. Yup. Pathetic, we've told 2 people each Of course, I've told 4, but that's only expected from such a gossip.

I think this is even harsher on Harry than it would be if he knew about us...

So in about 10 mins, when break starts, I'm gonna talk to Fred and tell him that either we have to make this public, so there are no secrets...OR we'll finish it and just go back to being friends.

To be honest, I don't really give two flying fingers what happens, I just hate being confused, and there is a bright side to both possibilities:

If we make it public, I'll have a boyfriend, and therefore, a new person to refer to as 'BF', although, I'm not quite sure Fred is yet worthy of that name...

If we brake up, I'll be single and free and will be able to have a 'fling' or 'thing with whoever I happen to meet...

So I'm sorted to be honest.

Anyway, guy with practically an onion for a head is trying to read over my shoulder, so I better go...

Byee xxx
MMGXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AT SCHOOL

2007-09-18T01:37:00.000-07:00

I'm at school now.

I'm sitting next to a guy with pretty much no hair who's playing 'Stick man ninjas'...sounds fun, huh. On the other side of me there is a guy who I may have to kill, or at least have severely injured, by somebody else of course. Maybe he'll get the message and just kill himself for me.

There's this completely pointless thing we've had to do at school, I may have mentioned it before. It's called an Active Citizenship Project (ACP). I'm not even going to explain what it involves, the point is, it's completely pointless and I haven't done it even though it was in for last Easter :).

The citizenship department (citizenship is compulsory GCSE at my school) have finally 'put their foot down' and decided that instead of letting me fail a subject that isn't going to get me anywhere in life, to keep me back after school for an hour and a half every monday and tuesday until I've finished it. So I'm gonna be going for a very long time.

AHHH the bell g2g bye xxxx explain more soon

MMG

Ally Courts

2007-09-16T04:25:00.000-07:00

Ally Courts, a place with a park, a few benches and a basketball court near where I live. Over the summer holidays we've been there almost every night with like 20 people. Sad, I know, but seeing as I've been banned from hosting parties forevermore due to a broken door and an empty liquor cupboard, and no one else likes having parties, it's either Ally courts or a quiet night at home eating biscuits and watching whatever happens to be on tv at that particular time. Anyway, me and quite a few people were at Alley courts on friday night, I got quite tipsy off a few beers (i say a few...), it started off really fun, and i was in a really good mood.

Then, one by one, my recent flingees (people I had had flings with recently, I'm rather proud of the word...) turned up. First it was Dino, which was fine because he hangs around with my group anyway so it's never really awkward between us anymore, in fact, at a party last Saturday we actually had a conversation about the whole thing really openly.

Second, DJ turned up, and I really wasn't expecting HIM to show because he had told me he was going to LONDON for the whole weekend...maybe he has parents similar to mine who love to change plans at the last minute, even though their teenage son/daughter might have extremely important plans which involve the opposite sex. They had changed their mind and decided not to go until the next day (even though HE told me that it was HIS decision not to go because he wanted to see me, and that, I highly doubt). It was quite awkward between Dino and DJ because they both knew from gossip that I had made out with both of them in the same week (god I seeerrriously hope that NO ONE I know apart from my family EVER read this blog) so they didn't speak very much.

Then, FINALLY, Curly showed up (remember? the guy I've known for 6 years who kissed me a week before...). I really cannot begin to tell you how awkward it was. Actually, I can. It was very very awkward indeed, in fact, I may have to go and get a glass of water before I carry on writing.

Back. Okay...I'll carry on. There was one point where Curly, Dino AND DJ were all sitting on the bench and me and two of my friends were sitting on the floor. They were all looking at each other really strangely.

To break the awkwardness I said that I needed the loo. So DJ said he'd walk me to the nearby Chinese restaurant. On the way back, we kissed. Then I had another beer when we got back to Ally courts.
By now I was starting to feel quite tipsy. Curly asked if he could talk to me, and me being a complete idiot, DID. We went and sat at the far corner of the basketball court. He asked me how I felt about DJ and I said that I liked him for a bit, but that now I've kind of gone off him (usually I wouldn't tell him anything like that, but being in the state of mind that I was...). He then asked me how I felt about him, and then kissed me, and I felt obliged to kiss him back. Then someone in the year below who just happened to be there (I think she fancies Curly) came over and dragged him off. So then I went to join the circle that DJ just happened to be in. We had a conversation but I forgot what it was about, and then him and his friend Yaw walked me home...and I kissed DJ...again.

When I got home my parents had just had some friends around for cocktails (my mum recently got a cocktail making kit for her b-day and is now obsessed for making them for people), so we just chilled watching the room spin for a bit then I went to bed.

The next morning I was very regretfull of my deeds. But oh well, as I said in my previous post; I am, after all, only 15.

I'm going to make my mum read this now to see if it's suitable for publishing on my blog.

Bye

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

Things have changed.

2007-09-13T03:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry to break it to you, but I am, again, onto someone else.

In fact, I have been through 2 people since I last blogged. Funny, isn't it.

I've decided to start aiming my blogs at you, Oscar, because you are the only person who seems to be reading it apart from my mum, who I tell these things anyway.

I'm writing from school cause im bored, so I can't actually write down anything too personal because I am currently sitting next to a guy who wishes our music teacher would get hit by a bus (I strongly agree with him) and another guy with ginger hair who plans to dye it bright pink or black. I voted for black, but it's likely that he'll be more of a rebel and go for pink. the ginger guy is BUFF. (you may have guessed that the last bit was writen by Ginger guy.)

Okay, so I've mostly gone off Dino, because I met someone else called...I really cannot think of a name for him, his real name is strange enough. Lets caall him DJ, thats nis nickname.
So I met DJ at a party and we exchanged phone numbers, I started to really like him, and we kissed and stuff on various occasions. But then last week, another guy who I've known for about 6 years just randomly kissed me. I think I'll call him Curly. So, Curly is the name of the guy who I've known 6 years, who kissed me. :)

And then the other day, yesterday in fact, we were talking on MSN, and he told me that he liked me.

I'm still not sure weather I like him, but what's strange, is that I met up with DJ at the beginning of the week, and I just suddenly went off him. And I haven't got a clue why. Oh well, I'm only 15. (I'm 15 now btw, not 14, 15.).

Im very much looking forward to coming to mexico, even if it DOES mean I have to take a WHOLE week off school, and miss the whole half term, and the day after I get home, I start my work experience.

But at least this time, I've been given a chance to tell my friends I'm going, rather than just being packed into a bag and shoved on a plane with no clue about whats happening to me and if I'll ever see my house again.
Hopefully, I'll have a lot to moan about there, that'll make my parents nice and cranky :) I'll be fine as long as I have a few pina coladas.

Hope I get to see you in Mexico, I can't remember if I've actually met you or not, I think I may have, when I was about 7. Meh, I'll ask my mum.

Oh god, got to make a flyer about downloading tunes...or something.

MMG xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

General Horn

2007-08-06T12:18:00.001-07:00

oh wow.

Why do I keep leaving such long gaps between each post? I can't remember what state my life was in last time I wrote my blog.

Lets see...oh me and Z have made up. Twas bound to happen. Not going to go on about it, it was the usual 'lets never fight again' thing, although I highly doubt that will last.

Anyway, I already like someone new someone who is not Jack. His name is Dino (there is actually a funny reason for that, but I wouldn't be able to explain it without writing his name, which would completely defeat the point of giving him a nickname in the first place), and I first started to like him when I had a 'thing' (a party with under 15 people) at my house. I had my eye on someone called Sufur (again, not his real name), but he had cut his hair so I decided not to. Me and Dino got really close and ended up...getting off. I'd never thought of him in this way before, but suddenly, I did.
I didn't start to actually have feelings for him until after the next night when my friend Arthur had a 'thing' at HIS house. Me and Dino did the same again.

Thing is...completely contradicting what I just said, I do kind of still have feelings for Jack, but im not sure if I actually like him in that way...or if I just like him as a friend. A goodlooking friend. A very good friend, almost worthy of the nickname 'Hottie' but thats already been taken.

I think I have the general horn. (stolen from Louise Rennison's Georga Nicholson series).

First there's the Specific horn: where you really like one person...but only one. This is probaly the most sensible to have, but as you may have noticed from reading my previous blogs, I am not the most sensible of people, so this one does not apply to me.

Then we have the General Horn: where you like more than one person in a sexual way. Guilty.

Finally, there's the Cosmic Horn: where you get sexual feelings for every person of the opposite sex (unless you happen to be homosexual or Bisexual). I get the Cosmic horn VEIR VEIR often. It is not good.

I got pissed off because a guy who was sitting at a table nearby in the hotel only looked at me twice, and that was it.

He must be gay.

I'm being really antisocial, and no one important is on MSN.

Going.

Going.

Gone.

(bye xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG)

At home.

2007-07-19T11:31:00.001-07:00

Me and BF have broken up.

I would leave it at that so that you guys would have to actually spend some time thinking about what you have just read, but that would just be clever. And I'm not clever.

We'd been having quite a few arguments lately and we kind of realised that we were growing apart.
Now I understand why long relationships at 14/15 only happen when both the boy and girl are complete loners and don't have any friends apart from eachother.

Our personalities grew apart. Because we'd been going out for 8 months and hanging in school with different groups, it was only normal to mature...in different ways.

WHAT? why am I listening to high school musical?
I'm learning the harmonies :) Doing quite well actually.

I still have strong feelings for him, but it got to the point where all we had in common was the fact we were going out. Sad, isn't it?

CHANGE OF SUBJECT

Don't fall off your chair, it's not sensible.

I know it's quite fast, but I already like this guy called..um...lets call him Jack (its not his name)
I've liked him since before I was with BF...but I was already basically going out with BF so it would have been wrong. So now that I've prooved that he didn't come out of nowhere...
I've been distant friends with him but now we're really close.

He really likes Z who is/is supposed to be my best friend, which I respect because she's pretty and can be nice. So I'm being there for him, but lately shes been a B-I-T-C-H. She keeps changing her personality around different people. That gets annoying...she always wants to appear as the leader of me and Shar (my other best friend) as in always trying to stand in between us.

I AM NOT A 'POSSY' KIND OF PERSON!!! (unless I'm the one who owns the possy)

She's been treating Jack SO badly, she's so rude to him but flirts at the same time. And today, she did something rather abnormal...she shoved a stick lengthways into his CROTCH then just walked off laughing like she really didn't care.

'OUCH' he said, and then he curled up into a completely round ball and was trying to prevents himself from throwing up for literally ten minutes. Me and Shar comforted him because he stated that he felt like he was having a baby. Yep. It looked pretty painful.

So now me Shar and Jack have fallen out with Z. :) Very girly isn't it?

Off to have a shower nightey night.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

At school, again.

2007-07-11T03:20:00.001-07:00

I've gotten into the habbit of adding posts to my blog at school.

Despite the fact that everyone can see what I'm writing...I don't care. =]

I had an argument with BF yesterday. Hahaha...It's funny when things like that happen. I used to get very upset about it.
Now I get more angry than upset. He wont learn salsa, so I may have to kill him.

Oh dear, someone is reading it over my shoulder.
I might write more at home, but thats what I thought I'd do yesterday. So I probaly wont.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

Convertable Boy

2007-07-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

At school, nothing else to do other than write this.
Being talked at. Something about cars.

I saw a picture of Hottie today, WHILE I was sitting here in food tech...in a computer room. The boy I'm sitting next to; Convertable Boy. Yes. its his own fault for being so utterly obsessed with cars.

REPLIES TO COMMENTS (WOW! I have 2 comments! Oh...they're from the same person -.-)
Oscarinho said...
Moanie,yes, I know, we can't help posing when exposed to a camera. No, I don't live in Japan, right now I live in Brasil, but by october I'll be back in Mexico and will join you for part of that trip. Already told your mom I'll take you for a cousins' night out. Fun guaranteed! Right now I'm at the Sao Paulo airport, on no sleep, after partying, bound to Buenos Aires.Posted in English, bit sentimental: eiheiheih.blogspot.com

Me said...
Oscar, yes, I would love to have a 'cousins' night out'. What would that include? Dancing? Or would it be more like the 'cousins' DAY out' where I go to an indoor city where I'm forced to do child labour?!
Okay, yes, I admit I did enjoy my days at the City of Children (i'm sure you've heard of it).
I read your blog, I enjoyed it. Did you write in English so I could understand it? Or was it because you forgot how to speak spanish due to your duration in Brazil.
Thankyou, once again for reading my blog. See you in October.

Oh, the bell
Bye xxxxxxxxxx
MMG

Operas are all in weird languages...

2007-07-07T01:43:00.000-07:00

God it's been a long time.
As you've guessed, I've made up with Naz...don't blame me...I suddenly started feeling like a bitch. For some reason I didn't realize how much of one I was being.

I called her and appologized, and now we're good friends again.

I've had endless coursework and haven't found any time to write my beloved blog. Not much has happened...apart from the fact that right now I am, against my will, listening to some crap opera song. I think it's in Italian. Or German. French. or some other language that only exists because I can't understand it.
I'm going to Mexico in October! It's going to be either terrible, or bareable. It may even be fun.
Oh, two interesting letters in the post today - one with my dad's name on it, and one addressed to me!
Mine was sealed but empty and had a Queens College post mark on it.
My dad's letter was also sealed, but strangley had something in it. (It also had a queens college post mark on it).
Inside this mysterious letter was a sheet of paper explaining health and saftey...Yes.
It also mentioned 'knife skills' and 'lace up shoes'.
All we can think of is that it is some mutated form of a letter accepting my catering work experience thingy. Although it doesn't mention my name on it at all, it also doesn't say who it's from.
I think i'll get along with these people.

REPLIES TO COMMENTS:
Oscarinho said...
dear Moanie,looks like Vicky Pollard took over your blog today and she was doing the posting! I haven't posted anything in English but it's not like I'm destroying your life anyway. There are some pics from a party I just threw if you wanna check 'em out.http://www.flickr.com/photos/el_mou/xoxo

Me said...
Hello you. Yes, I admit, it was in fact the Vicky Pollard side of me who was writing.
I looked at the pictures, I'm guessing you're the one in green who appears in every single picture?
The one who has an obsession with making strange faces.
I'm exactly the same in front of a camera...I literally cannot help posing.
Looking forward to seeing you in Mexico, if you come with us...I don't know, my parents don't tell me anything. For all I know, you might live in Japan.

Anyway, im being forced to go to a street party today. Better go and get showered and ready seeing as i've been awake for 3 hours.

Adios xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG

Man-look-a-like

2007-06-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

Oh my, I haven't blogged for...a few weeks. I hate that feeling of destroying everyone elses lives (well...the one or two readers I have) just because I cannot be arsed to get my butt onto the computer. Actually, I love it.

Nothing has happened lately. My life has literally been starved of interesting happenings other than writing an essay on how Arthur Miller creates tension in Act 3 of 'The Crucible'. Oh but one thing did happen in the last week. It's about my friend...um...Naz, well she wasn't really a very good friend and now, isn't in fact a friend of any sort. You see, she would never listen to what I had to say, unless it was something completely about her, or advice for her to use in her minor problems. I did not like her very much at all. But you know when you really really like someone and everythings fine and your all best friend like?....Well that wasn't how it was at all. She's one of those people who lives on your street who follows you around everywhere and forces you to go out to town with them when you'd rather be clipping your toenails watching the teletubbies.
All Naz would ever talk about was her boyfriend (and now ex-boyfriend) and how much she hated one of my best friends, and whenever I tried to change the subject to something that wasn't all about her, she'd tell me to shut up and let her finish...even though she had finished.
[This girl, Naz was one of my friends who was with me when the whole 'let's sleep at Z's house over night, her parents wont notice' situation, and the next morning when I CAME BACK TO HELP TIDY UP, refused to help and said it would all be fine and then led muddy footprints going all the way to my front door!!!]
I really need to take this somewhere.....
hmm...yes! She broke up with her boyfriend Iglentine a month ago, and a week ago, my friend Shar made out with him because she's really liked him for ages (she completely stayed away from him when he and Naz were going out, but Naz knew she liked him and instead of considering Shar's feelings, Naz just blanked her for 3 months and gave no reason whatsoever for it). Naz found out what Iglentine and Shar had been up to and had the biggest spaz and made the biggest scene in the history of spazzes and...scenes(?). She was crying and was getting really annoyed and angry. She had a right to be upset, I'll give her that...but she had NO right to be annoyed and angry! HE WAS NOT HER BOYFRIEND ANYMORE!!!!!!!!

Now the whole situation has all got very messy and stupid because me, Z and Shar have all fallen out with Naz and really dont like her (it's a good excuse to ditch her actually...). Because Naz is, in fact, a man (or a man-look-a-like), all the boys are really good friends with her, so the only friends shes got are boys....and a few of those boy's girlfriends like her...I think.

Haha...everyones calling us bitches for ditching her!!! I love being a bitch, it makes me feel like such a.....girl. :D

anyway...REPLIES TO COMMENTS...

Oscarinho said...
Hey moanie! You finally wrote something!! You have no idea how boring my life was, sitting in front of the computer all day long with nothing amusing to read.My blog has been terribly abandoned lately. I'll let you know when I post something you can read. Sometimes I post in English, Spanish, or Portuguese, depending the mood I'm on. Andalucia didn't look that bad on the pics, but it's terrible they keep starving you from BF.xoxo

Me said...
Hello Oscarinho! Yes, I did finally write something, and I'm finally writing something again, now that I have people to please, I'm going to HAVE to start writing my bloge relitively frequently, and more often. Hmm, maybe Andalucia didn't look too bad on the pics, but I definitely DID look bad on them, they really need to cut me out and put a picture of a model on it instead.
They've stopped starving me of BF now...seeing as if they did, they'd have to surgically remove him from my hip before they started. He's coming to Switzerland with us, actually...which means I'm going to have to dig DEEPER to find bad points of being taken on holiday.

Can't look at a computer screen any longer, it's sucking all the energy from my brain and soon I'll have to feed myself hundereds of thousands of calories, which won't be good because then I'll have twice as much to complain about, and twice as much of me will be complaining.
I'm going to go, before my fingertips explode from over 'usage'.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

They've done it again!

2007-06-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

No. Just, no. -I would leave it at that, but I have far more interesting things to say, and only MY mind would understand it if I were to read 'no. just no'.
What I'm trying to say is that my parents just stuffed me into a car and drove/flew me to Spain. I was there for FIVE WHOLE DAYS. I was given no warning of this whatsoever, and whats worse, is that we didn't even get to stay in a hotel. They took me into a place which, at first I thought was a concentration camp, but later found out to be a high class (cheap, but high class in my parent's standards) campsite with small two bedroom bungalows.
See what I mean? Well, if you were sad enough to read my first post way back in...April then you would completely understand what I mean..........and what I mean is that my parents seem to take me away from my friends at every possible oppertunity JUST to annoy me.
At least this time I brought a friend, and I got to share a bungalow with her too. But still...I would preffer to be given more notice of such events as these.
I say I had no warning, this is not entirely true, but I was told last year and then it wasnt mentioned to me again until I woke up as I was being dragged into the car. (God it feels great to get back to slagging off my life online)

After saying all this, I did, in the end have a good time. But that fact is completely beside the point of being starved of BF.
I got back on friday at about 12am, but I saw BF the next day and we had a really good time together and my makeout withdrawal went away. After a while...

MY REPLIES TO COMMENT(S)-i never get more than one -.-

Oscarinho said...
I do feel sorry for you, dear cos.Yes, us men are all like that, we actually lack the genes that would make us able to understand girls. But over the years, and with some experience, we do learn how to treat you properly. Where's your next post? I've had nothing new to read from you in several days, and since I spend most of the day working on a computer I need something new from you to read and keep me amused. xoxo

Me said...
I do feel sorry for me too. And thankyou for agreeing with me, you're the first male who has. BF is getting there...but he's only fifteen so I can't expect him to treat me properly yet without receiving a lecture about how hard he's trying and how he's still 'immature'.
Thankyou for caring about my blog, it's nice to know there's someone else out there who likes to read it other than my mum...I'm sure if I told my friends about this they'd read it and I'd get lots of comments, but then again, after reading this some of them would no longer be my friends...
Thanks for reading Oscarinho, I would read yours too, but sadly, my Mexican genes for speaking spanish haven't quite kicked in yet. xxxx

UGH!!! My mum still hasn't shut up about Cuba!!! She keeps showig me videos of bands we saw live and telling me how amazing it is not only to see a famous band we'd already seen live, but to see them in a video as well!!!!!! Mum, get over it. Please.

Oh, it's 10pm...and I'm not asleep. This cannot be good seeing as I have to go and pretend to learn tomorrow. Acting to teachers takes too much energy away from a teenage girl.

Adios! (oh look, they're starting to kick in...)
MMG xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Feel sorry for me!!

2007-05-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

I'm crying...why am I crying? There are drops of salt water escaping from my eyes, rolling down my face (which I pampered today using several different skin products!!).
Nothing has happened to me to provoke these tears, at least not that I know of. My subconscious must be having a bad day, or maybe I pushed my brain too hard with all this revision. Either way, the point is, i'm crying.

BF hasn't called today...neither did he yesterday. He MUST have been thinking about me every second just like he says he does. Not. I simply refuse to call him, I want to see if i'll ever see him again if I don't call him (apart from at school).
Oh!!! Wait!!! I just remembered he texted me this morning saying:
I feel really ill, I've got tonsillitis tb. (and he didn't even say 'xxx' at the end...I texted him back saying: Oh no :( thats horrible I hope it doesn't last long for you.

SEE!!! I can be a nice person! I comforted him (over texting), and he just didn't text back -.-
The only time in 3 centuries when he texts/calls me is to ask me to feel sorry for him.

ARE ALL MEN LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
---my mum says they are.

I hope all men aren't like that, because I'm quie a lot like that. And if I'm ill at the same time as whoever ends up being my husband, I won't have anyone to feel sorry for me.
I'll have to live with my mum and dad forever (well, not my dad, because if we just so happen to be ill together, then we'll be fighting over mum's attention). Meanwhile, my sister (who by then will be an adult) will probaly be a lawyer or something like that. That's just how things turn out, the younger sister is always more succefull.
I bet if my parents hadn't been so selfish, then I'd be an A* student. But NO. They had to pick stupid jobs which payed barely anything JUST so that when I got a little sister they'd get better jobs and suddenly be able to pay for her to have a good education. That's how life is.

What's this? I've stopped crying, goodness me. I've got a dry tear line down both of my cheeks. Nice, now I have to replenish the skin on my face again. OR, I could work on making myself ill so that BF would have to feel sorry for me!...no, thats phsychotic.

Good night. Im going to read some girly magazines to pamper my brain.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

Complete and utter stupidity.

2007-05-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

I got in trouble!!...but sadly, didn't get suspended. Partly because, well, it didn't really have anything whatsoever to do with school.
It's quite a funny story, actually. It really brings out all the stupidity in me.
Here's what happened... My best friend...Z (thats what I'll call her until I think of a better name for her) went to Wales for the weekend. Usually when she goes away I have to feed her rabbits, which I would very much like to object to because I'm such a lazy bum, but unfortunately, I take it as my duty to my best friend, Z :). This time, she only mentioned to me that she might be going away for the weekend and that she MAY need someone to feed the rabbits, but that was the last I heard of it.
On the night she was gone, I was with 3 of my friends and I didn't know whether I was expected to feed her rabbit, so we went down the road to her house and went into her garden to feed the rabbits. The first thing that popped into my mind when I went around the corner of her house was: "Why the hell is her back door open?!".
Of course there was a reason for me thinking this, otherwise I'm sure I'd be considered a much weirder person than I am already thought of now. The back door had been left open. I mean, yeah, like you do, just leave your back doorwide open so anyone could just dance in. They are SO damn lucky it was ME to 'dance' in, rather than some complete phsyco!!!
I stepped in, and shouted 'hello, hello, hello...hello?'. No one was in, just as I had suspected. We were all quite worried, so I called Z on her mobile and told her about the open door. She went pretty mental over the phone, she was terrifyed of what she thought her mum would do to her if she found out Z had left the back door unlocked (later we found out it wasn't Z's fault...it was her Mum's!!!). She simply refused to tell her mum, and that was final. My friend Iglentine (not his real name...no one's called that) suggested that we stayed the night there to look after the house. Obviously we all thought it was stupid but we kept our mouths shut and went ahead with it. Z SAID WE COULD!!! She actually gave us permission to sleep in her house while
1) Her parents were away
2) She was away WITH her parents and wouldn't be there to keep an eye on things!
I didn't stay the night there, I wasn't allowed (I didn't tell my mum what we'd actually be doing, I said I wanted to stay at a friends house- Im such a rebel) so I just stayed there until 10:30, which was still stupid. We invited our friend...Rawr, yes thats what I'll call him, and he was with his complete idiot of a friend (who doesn't even deserve a fake name) Michael. We did have Z's permission to invite Rawr, but we know she hates Michael. I said on the phone to Rawr that if he was with Michael then he shouldn't come, because Michael wasn't invited.
Who did he end up bringing?....Michael. I tried my hardest being responsible not lettig Michael in because I know how loud and disruptive he is, but no one backed me up, they are obviously not big enough, so we ended up letting him in.
We got caught. Of course we got caught. Teenagers just can't do anything without getting caught, we're not allowed to. Everyone hates us.
Z DID SOMETHING VERY SILLY INDEED!!!! When she and her parents got home, they noticed the closed blinds, and that my friend had stupidly left his swimming stuff there. They just assumed someone had broken into their house, so they called the police. Why the hell didn't Z just confess and start grovelling?!?! That's what I would have done. Of course, she didn't, she just thought we'd be able to get away with it.
The next day Z's mum cameup to my door with Z and had a go at me for being in her house. She started crying and it was all very very not good...she told me about how shed had ferensics in (however on jupiter you spell that) and how she'd change the locks and had the police in. I told her the whole story, and when I got to the part about speaking to Z on the phone...she gave Z the most disappointed look I'd ever seen anyone give...anyone.
You can probaly guess what happened from there. It's all got very stupid and silly and upsetting now. Me and Z were given most of the blame, although I did as much as any of my 3 friends...and Rawr & Michael. I told my mum about what happened before Z's mum marched up to my house, so she was happy with me about that, so i'm not in trouble with my parents. My mum just thinks I'm stupid, which is nothing new.

I really can't be arsed to write anymore, my fingertips hurt.
Goodnight xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

---Z's mum wants us to pay for changing the locks -.- Bitch.

The rose.

2007-05-07T13:19:00.000-07:00

My friend has been grounded. Well...BEV has. He has had his mobile confiscated, isn't allowed to use the computer, isn't allowed to use the home phone and isn't allowed to step out of his front door! (Although I think he might be allowed out his back door otherwise it would be violating his human rights. I think.) He's also suspended from school for smoking on the field. What a complete and utter fool. I don't understand why you would do that. If you're going to smoke, at least DON'T DO IT IN SCHOOL!!!! Serves him right, what a...Bev.

Ugh...school tomorrow. I wish I'd get suspended. Well, actually I don't. If I did, I would be in severe trouble with my parents. That's all I'd care about. Oh God I have tests in like...AH! NEXT WEEK!
Oh no, now I'll have to put some actual effort into my school work.

I'm starting to think about Hottie...again. (Remember? The HOT guy I met in Cuba who battled a rosebush for me?- that sounded A LOT better in my head, but seeing as I'm too tired to think, i'm just going to leave it). I haven't looked at the rose yet actually, it must have dried out by now. In fact, it's probaly been absorbed by the pages of the heavy book I put it in. Better go and check................it's still there...but it seems to have caught some kind of disease (probaly from me) it's gone all brown and weird. Oh well, I HAVE to keep it because it's the only thing I have to remember Hottie by. Although i'll probally end up throwing it away, or the whole household will be quarintined for some rare bacterial disease, that BF will catch and then I won't be able to see him at school anymore. (I wouldn't be able to see him anyway because our whole household, as I said, would be quarintined...)
Oh my god. Hottie was so...HOT!! I can't stop thinking about him, I need to dance with him again! No....I love BF...

I should go before I betray all my feelings for my boyfriend and start fanticising about hottie.

Love me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (MMG= me)

My cat is on heat!

2007-05-04T15:16:00.000-07:00

I love having a boyfriend :) Sometimes it gets really fustrating being stuck with one guy, but at least it's the guy i've got. (God, that sounded so soppy).
I went to his house today after school. It was so nice to be with him after basically not seeing him for a week (because i've been ill).
I'm running out of a life, I have nothing to blog!
It's all my parent's fault for making me have such a boring life.

Ha! My cat is on heat. She, yes, SHE tried to rape me. Well she tried to rape my arm, and now I have scratches all down it. But I know she loves me anyway.
I'm going through a phase of finding every single male I see attractive. Why??!! I have a boyfriend, I don't need other guys! I must be on heat, I caught it from Isa (my cat).
By the way, her name is Isa, as I said, and it is pronounced: eesa...NOT EYESA.
The amount of times ive been corrected for calling her EESA is ridiculous. She's MY cat, and I choose how to pronounce her name.

REPLIES TO COMMENTS from the blog entry before this one..
mg said:
It's PSYCHIATRIST and HYPOCHONDRIAC.Please baby, learn to spell.

Me said:
Obviously you understood what I was TRYING to say. So no. I won't learn to spell :) I'll take my time. xxxxxxxxxxxxx Thankyou oh so very much for reading.

[[OH!!! I just remembered Mondays a bank holiday so i get a long weekend YESSSSSS!]]

Bye xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG

I'm Dying

2007-05-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

I've been off school for 3 days (which i s'pose is a good thing).
I'm not ill NOW really, I've been taking medicine and I'll hopefully be able to go to school tomorrow...well thats what I said yesterday. I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been swallowed and spat back out by a passing llama. Not very nice at all. I couldn't move at all. AT ALL!!! I thought I had some strange rare disease that I was going to die from! Then again, thats what I always think, I take after my mother. I'm a hypacondriat (I don't think even Einstein could ever figure out how to spell that...). Those who don't know, a hypacondriat is someone who just assumes the worst is going to happen to them, and they're always sure they're going to die.
This really isn't a good thing. When I go on holiday, I always just assume that the plane will crash and I'll die, but I act like it's the most logical thing.
I think I should go see a phsyciatrist.

I GAVE MY ILLNESS TO BF!!! *angry face* HE'S SO BLOODY SELFISH CATCHING MY DEADLY DISEASE!!! Now I wont be able to see him for God knows how long...and I'll start showing serious makeout withdrawal symptoms!!
Dear God,
Please help BF to GET BETTER and STOP CATCHING MY ILLNESSES. It's okay when I'M off school, because I can just sleep, read and watch Tv all day. But when he's off school and I'm not, the day is so boring...All in all, I will promise to pray to you every night if-.... I just dropped spagetti down my top...HUMPH...I will promise to pray to you every night (if I can think of anything to pray for) if you force BF into school tomorrow!!!
AMEN.

I saw some very very attracive boys indeed today...extreamly hot. Sex gods in fact...
But I'm taken. Do you have any idea how tragic it is to have a boyfriend?!
Yes it's nice, but it means no tarting yourself up to attract boys, and thats half the fun of being a female human!
But I guess im stuck with BF. But to be fair he is by far the sweetest boy i know (who isn't gay). He has a really pretty face and sort of skater/emoish black hair. He's quite short but he'll grow (if he stops smoking) and he has bright blue eyes. And a FIT smile...and he loves me.
He's always telling me how pissed off he is about how he looks like a girl...but boys who look like girls when theyre young always turn out to be BLOODY HOT!!!!!

Tired...going to go...bye
MMG xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

God I am so immature

2007-05-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

Oh, I almost forgot I had a blog.
I can't really remember what has happened in the last week, so it can't be at all interesting.
We've been doing these drama workshop thingys which go towards our GCSEs. This means a LOT of improvised acting...which for me, is not good. I'm so bloody crap at acting, I really have not got a clue why I took it for GCSE! I s'pose I'm getting a lot better, its just keeping a straight face I have trouble with.
It's this guy in my class...Bev. Even the name makes me laugh. He's a really close friend of me and Bf's, but he really is quite immature and almost everything he does turns into a retarded scream or something along those lines that splits my sides.
There is, of course, a reason for why this one boy makes my head fall off. It was when I had this party...my parents were away...I had a few people (10) over for the night. It wasn't too bad apart from the odd raving freak threatening to knock someone out with an empty plastic bubblebath bottle (a group of people just took her home because she was discustingly drunk- although I swear I only saw her drink one beer...). Aaaaaanyway; Bev got cork poisoning from an old bottle of port, which later turned out to be a bottle given to my parents at their wedding that they were saving for their 25th anaversairy (again with the spelling!!)- I don't understand why my parents torment me like this! You simply do NOT leave an un-opened bottle of the nicest port in the back of your alcohol cupboard when you have a teenage daughter!!!
Bev was throwing up for a bit, then I tucked him up in my bed (which I later disinfected). At about 6am he came out of my room covered in vomit, his hair all sticking up...with a limp....you cannot expect to be laughed at for the rest of your immature days when you let something like this happen to you...
Ever since then me and BF have exploded with laughter and shouted 'BEV' whenever we see someone who looks slightly weird. For example, we saw a man scratching his armpit. Yes, we need to grow up.
Just incase you're wandering- yes I did get in trouble for this party. I am basically grounded til im 16 -.- UNFAIR!!! But so worth it....

MMG xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This Power

2007-04-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

What a great start to the weekend friday was...i had a FAT argument with my BF (boyfriend...until I can think of a better name for him) We've made up now, but only after he had groveled at me feet. Over the phone.

Here's what happened:
The boys were bundling (running around and trying to start a huge crowd of people jumping on eachother) and BF got involved, but unlike the normal male kind (im starting to question wheather he IS male or not..), he got really pissed off and walked off swearing at himself.
Being the girlfriend I decided it was my duty to go after him and see if he was okay. But when i tried to hug him he just shoved me away and said "Why the F*** do you always tell people to do this kind of thing to me? Just F*** off, F*** off!!" and he just walked off. I am NOT one to be shouted at like that, especially seeing as I'd just blown off an 18-year-old FOR BF!
I just shouted back "What the hell?! I didn't do anything to you! Why the hell are you having a go at ME???!!!!" and yes, I sweared a bit too, but I am the one in the right here!
He was being talked to by a few of my friends, and some of my friends were talking to me, but i was SO angry and i just burst into tears (discreatly, I didn't want BF to know I was more upset than I was angry). After like 5 mins, he came over to me and tried appologizing (please excuse my spelling, my parents are too selfish to get jobs which pay for me to go to a private school..i have to go to a scrutty state school). THE NERVE!!!!!! Shouting at me like that and expecting me to forgive him straight away! I thought he knew me better than that, I like him to suffer when we've just had an argument.
Apparently he was crying. Of course he was crying. He loves me, and he doesnt want to lose me because of my GIGANTIC BOOBS! I know im making him sound like such a horrible person, but he really isn't. We were best friends for ages, and now we've been going out for centuries, well, 6 months. He isn't one of those high status boys who all the girls want, hes VERY good looking though, he just needs to...develop a bit. I really love him though.
Anyway....On saturday afternoon, he called me, and apologised to me, I told him that if he didn't start putting more effort onto the relationship, then I'd break up with him. I mean, I always call HIM, I always arrange where we meet and what we do...I know he loves me, he just doesnt show it when were not in the same room or building.
Then I went off to this party that BF wasn't invited to. It was a really good party, but unfortunately I came home rather drunk and ended up spewing at 12am. Nice night.
BF texts me:
I really understood what you said and I do need to change. I really care about you and I need to start showing it, all I want is for you to be happy no matter what. I love you so much, you mean everything to me.
I ALMOST DIED!!!! He is so sweet, I hate how easily I fall in love with people.
I've just been on the phone to him, god he loves me. I love having this much power over a boy's life, I could be so destructive. Why am I such a nice person. My mother tells me I should use my power only for good, not evil. This power runs in our family. My mother has it, her mother had it...in fact, her mother had it so bad, that she got proposed to 32 times a day...by different people.
Oh dear...starting to get sexually fustrated...STOP IT!!! I have 'makeout withdrawal', i get it quite a lot when I've been away from BF for more than 2 days, just being with him forfills it though...usually.

I've just worked out that I was christined Moany Miss Groany by my parents when i was seven. I personally think it's geineus.
Well im going, bye
xxxxxxxxx MMG

the rest of the Cuba tale...if you're interested

2007-04-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

So, hottie had just explained his feelings to me. I was touched, but not enough to actually take things seriously. I just burst out laughing.
When my mum came downstairs...finally, we went off to 'Casa De la musica'- the nightclub. I was terrifyed that this time I might be asked for ID, but I wasn't :) in fact, I was told how beautiful I am. By a 40 year old beer belly. When we got past the bouncers hottie was asked to show his ID!!! HAR DE HAR HAR! Loser.
I danced with him again, but this time we got a bit more...'into it'. We were basically rubbing up against eachother, which I thought was quite odd and I started to feel uncomfortable. I suggested a rest.
He tried to kiss me.
It was SO HOT!!! But I didn't -.- I am far too trustworthy to my beloved boyfriend. Damn my strong catholic beleifs. I told him I was in love with my boyfriend, and I'd feel bad if I kissed another guy. He seemed to understand, but he carried on trying to kiss me throughout the night anyway.
I don't understand how it's so possible for boys to be such pervs.

I know it sounds like I really hate this guy. But the truth is, I CANNOT stop thinking about him! At like 3am we got back at the hotel, and he tried to get me alone to say bye to me, for it would be the last time he'd see me. But of course, being a complete idiot, i blew him off.

It took ages for me to get to sleep that night. Why the hell am I so damn needy? I constantly need boy attention!!!! I don't know what I'm going to do when I grow to become an old trout. I'll have to get married. Ha! Then my husband will have to put up with me.

The next day, just before we were about to check out, Hottie came running into the hotel lobby! He'd come straight from his football game- just to see me. God, I felt so privelidged!
He gave me a rose. I almost cried, he was so romantic! But he was obviously just trying to seduce me in order to get me to kiss him, which I didn't in the end because i'm such a nincompoop.

So...there it is. The one holiday romance I will probaly ever get. And I had to have a boyfriend. I am so unlucky. I bet my mum actually arranged for me to meet this guy JUST so I'd be upset about leaving him. It's the kind of thing she's likely to do.

Hottie said he'd wright to me, and so far...he hasn't. And it's almost been a week! He wont wright to me, I know he wont. He's probaly forgotten about me. OR he's been payed by other phsyco parents to seduce their daughters and he's too busy writing to them.
Either way, I don't think he'll write to me.

I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend about hottie. Of course, I didn't reffer to him as Hottie at that particular time, for obvious reasons. Now he's giving me lectures about how I promised I wouldn't cheat on him, which MAY I POINT OUT- I didn't.

I'll talk about my actuall life tomorrow.. Yay. You get to hear more about me.
I've been reading (reading is something I very rarely do, and any authors who's books I've read should feel very proud, Louise Rennison being one).
Lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG

What actually happened in Cuba

2007-04-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

Basically, I had a crap time and im not going to even mention details apart from the fact that I met a random Cuban lad who declared his undying love for me. Uhuh. He was, I have to say, devestatingly hot.
On the first night in Havana (yes Havana, the apparently 'famous' capital of Cuba, although I, for one, had never heard of it) I was sitting down at a table in the lobby with my family just staring up at the ceiling, when at the corner of my eye, I noticed someone staring at me. I HATE being stared at. Well actually, thats a lie. I don't mind people staring at me, as long as they're not an ugly, topless, old man with a beer belly.
...Anyway, so this guy, dark hair, red t-shirt (why do I remember that?!), dark eyes was looking at me :)! I looked back, and we shared a moment until I almost choked on my sandwich. After that I just went upstairs to bed and didn't think of the incident until the same thing happened the next day (without the sandwich part), except this time when I walked past him to get to the lift, he stopped me. He asked me to dance (of course, I didn't understand what he was saying until he actually stood up and mimed dancing with a partner. Not my fault I don't speak spanish...). I froze. What the hell am I s'posed to say to that?! Blaitently I ended up saying no because, well, he's Cuban, and so obviously dances 86635672million times better than me and im too proud to admit that I could show myself up so easily to a BOY. He looked sad, and I went to bed. My mum came up and told me that he'd gone up to her and asked her to bring me back down. So she asked me, but im lazy so I said no.
[[Sorry readers, this is'nt suposed to be so utterly boring.]]
I ended up, and I don't remember how, going to an over 18's salsa night club!!! (SO cannot beleive I got in!!) It was me, my mum, my mum's friend, and Hottie (the hot guy) Yes..we danced but thats pretty much it. The me and the family went to the other side of the island for a week, and got back to the Havana hotel on the friday.
We met Hottie and my idiot of a 'caring' mother, left us alone not realising that her daughter doesn't speak spanish! He tried babbaling something at me, but I just gave him the blank "god I really wish he'd shut up" look, so he took me over to this strange, mysterious man who, afterwards turned out to be a security guard. The mysterious man translated what hottie was saying to me. Here's what I got out of it: I love you, I didn't stop thinking about you the whole week and I'm crazy about you. Dude....not the kind of thing to tell a 14 year old girl from the other side of the world when you've only known her a week. Especially when Hottie is 18!!! (did i mention he was 18??)
I bet you readers are interested now! But I'm tired so I'm gonna wait until next time I use the computer to finish this off. HA CLIFHANGER! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG (moanie Miss Groanie)

2007-04-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

Im a teenager. 14. Why am I writing a blog? Because I moan too much. Yes. Thats why. My parents don't like the way they brought me up, so they decided that instead of ruining their entire lives completely, they'd rather I put all my 'feelings' on the internet for the whole world to read. I didn't think it was a good idea but I did it anyway, although it probaly wont be very succesfull seeing as I have'nt even done my GCSE's yet. And even when I do ill probaly end up failing every single exam, apart from food tech (my teacher has fallen in love with me) which really can't be a very appealing qualification if I want to be a performing art's teacher...well I guess I could always cook my pupils.
Ok, here we go! I haven't been ALLOWED to have friends anymore! My parents took me away to bloody Cuba so I was away for the whole of the easter holidays, being unable to socialise with anyone who even speaks the same language as me. Thats why they did it. Just to irritate me. They didn't want to go to Cuba. Of course they didn't, it means spending compulsary time with their children. And nobody on this planet truely wants that. They kept going on about how amazing it was there and "Ooooooh! I would have LOVED to come here when I was your age, you should think yourself lucky!"- my mum. Why? Why? Why should I think myself lucky? It's not like I asked to be taken to a place where even english school teachers only know how to say 'hello, I have brown hair'. My mum speaks spanish, but I don't. I don't understand why languages can't be genetic. It's so simple and it would make everyone's life so much damn easier.

God my life is too full of the most difficult things. I'm thirsty and the fridge is in a different room. Im going to go now, more tomorrow, if my mum doesnt decide to take me away to Amsterdam...