Look ------>
I put a picture up...now you have a slight insight to what I look like.
I say 'slight' because it has been edited a bit...
Right, why am I choosing this particular moment to blog?
Because I've had something on my mind all day.
The thing I have on my mind:
Me and Bape are still together...but here come the problems...well...not a big problem, it just feels like it should be a problem.
I spent a few weeks (the only 2 and a half weeks we've been together) wondering what was wrong with him.
Nothing is wrong with him...at least I thought...
His ONLY flaw, and it's not even that much of a flaw, is that he is so sexually driven...
We haven't actually had sex, I've decided I'm not going to lose my virginity until I'm in love.
We've done everything else though...already.
I'd prefer to blog this rather than tell people, cause I don't want him to find out and get pissed off or hurt.
We are really sexually compatible though, and I do feel a connection with him, and it feels right and all...but I feel like I should be worried...
I feel like I SHOULD feel like it's a bad thing that we're moving too fast.
Again, it feels right...but also I feel like I should feel bad...understand?
I tried lightly mentioning this today, but he just laughed it off.
He probably thought I was joking.
We spend a lot of time at eachother's houses, i mean we have actual fun too, we laugh we joke we cuddle we....yeah....we watch films nd stuff...in fact, we watched the notebook (poor guy, he must've been bored to death) and I cried, which was slightly embarrassing.
I wanna DO something though!!...ugh
I think my problem is that I feel like I SHOULD feel like I wanna get serious...but then I know that he's probably just in it for the fun of being in a relationship.
But in actual fact...I'm not in love with him...(yet...hmm...i dont even know if i wanna fall in love again for a long time...)...our relationship is limited to a year because he's going off to uni next year...
Maybe I should just lay back and have fun...yeah, i guess thats just what i'll have to do.
Oh well. Apart from that minor problem, everything's going really well, and i really like him =]
School's fun (it won't be for long though...)
I have loads of double lessons...and barely anyone's in my music and philosophy classes...
I'm bored of this now.
Adios!
xxxxxxxxxxMMG
Monday, 8 September 2008
Monday, 25 August 2008
Completely pointless post. (alitteration)
Feel like writing...(again), but I have nothing to say, so I'm going to tell an old story.
The day I got back from Newquay (i don't think I even mentioned I went to newquay...something overwhelming happened over there, something that depressed me so much when I tried writing about it that I had to actually delete the blog entry...)...I went to A's that night, and he was having a party. There was a HYOWGE mix of people there, I don't think it really worked to be perfectly honest.
I met this guy (briefly) called Angel (this name because he sings and plays the guitar, and a friend says he sings like an angel...wtf? How do they even know what an angel sings like?).
So yeah, because I missed newquay so much, I wasn't very sociable. In fact at one point, i literally just went up to sit in arthur's bedroom on my own. Then I went home.
So when I told people I was going home, Angel randomly asked me why.
And I said...: "...Because I want to."
Angel: "You seem a bit depressed"
Me: *glare* "...yeah, kind of."
Angel: "what's up?"
Me: "no offence...but I only met you today, why would I tell you?"
Angel: "...oh."
Me: "bye"
Did I sound rude?
I did didn't I?
At the time, I didn't mind that I sounded rude...then a few days later I did...now I couldn't give two flying washing machines.
Next day, a few of us went to uniparks...and surprise surprise, he was there.
I realised that he was actually pretty hot...but there was something weird about him.
He seemed slightly fake, no one else seemed to notice it, so i kind of pushed that thought to the back of my mind.
We made eyes.
We talked.
We laughed.
The next day, we spent the whole of it texting.
The next day, he asked to meet me in town.
So we did, then we went to meet people in the park.
Then we went to another friend's house...then they both came back to mine...then they both left.
Then he texted me....and I could still see him when he texted me...
what the hell?
He invited me to go over to his house.
I did, but i knew nothing could happen, because firstly, I've changed...slightly. Well I like to think I have.
Also, I had woken upp with impetigo around my MOUTH that morning...AND I was on my period...(i'm one of those freaks who thinks everything happens for a reason, so I took that as a 'sign').
So at his house, I started to like him...but I only told one person.
We had a good time...he played guitar and sang to me...which was a bit freaking out...too film like for me...I think I enjoyed it at the time...but now I can't tell.
He was like overly affectionate towards me as well...(seeing as we hardly knew each other and hadn't even kissed or anything).
He kept kissing me on the forehead...IN FRONT OF HIS MUM...
Ewewew.
What a complete pervert.
That night I went to a party at Dino's house.
Angel barely spoke to me the whole time, which I actually didn't care that much about...the only thing I cared about was the fact that I had got alcohol IN MY IMPETIGO, and it KILLED.
I was crying cause everything seemed to be going wrong...and I missed that thing about newquay which I'm not going to ever write about.
So the next day, Angel texted me saying: "Hey howa you? How has your day been? Sorry I was a bit off with you at Dino's (and he put a kiss face)"
I texted him back being all like...."just incase you think I was crying about you...I actually wasn't..." (but made it more convincing...even though i ACTUALLY WASN'T)
He didn't text back...lol to that.
So then when I met Bape, a few days later, I completely forgot about Angel, which I'm very happy about, cause I've heard some stuff about Angel....he is SO not the person I thought he was...he's a complete player apparently. And really bitchy too (not right for a boy to actually be referred to as a bitch)
So.....the day before Bape got back from Bahrain, I met my friend VP in town. I got a text from Angel's friend TO (who I was really good friends with before he went on holiday), and he asked to meet me and VP. When we got there....Angel was there...who had got back from holiday 2 days before.
We somehow (against my will) ended up all going to the cinema together.
Angel sat next to me (I didn't sit next to him...he sat next to me....idiot)
He tried to lace fingers...and i elbowed him in the arm.
I'm good =]
I have such good will power
(i SO don't).
This story really doesn't feel complete to me...Maybe I should just leave it that way.
After all, it is MY blog.
Why should I have to follow standard procedures?
This is the place where I can write down my deepest thoughts without being judged by anyone who I can physically hit.
I like it that way.
The end.
xxxxxxMMG
The day I got back from Newquay (i don't think I even mentioned I went to newquay...something overwhelming happened over there, something that depressed me so much when I tried writing about it that I had to actually delete the blog entry...)...I went to A's that night, and he was having a party. There was a HYOWGE mix of people there, I don't think it really worked to be perfectly honest.
I met this guy (briefly) called Angel (this name because he sings and plays the guitar, and a friend says he sings like an angel...wtf? How do they even know what an angel sings like?).
So yeah, because I missed newquay so much, I wasn't very sociable. In fact at one point, i literally just went up to sit in arthur's bedroom on my own. Then I went home.
So when I told people I was going home, Angel randomly asked me why.
And I said...: "...Because I want to."
Angel: "You seem a bit depressed"
Me: *glare* "...yeah, kind of."
Angel: "what's up?"
Me: "no offence...but I only met you today, why would I tell you?"
Angel: "...oh."
Me: "bye"
Did I sound rude?
I did didn't I?
At the time, I didn't mind that I sounded rude...then a few days later I did...now I couldn't give two flying washing machines.
Next day, a few of us went to uniparks...and surprise surprise, he was there.
I realised that he was actually pretty hot...but there was something weird about him.
He seemed slightly fake, no one else seemed to notice it, so i kind of pushed that thought to the back of my mind.
We made eyes.
We talked.
We laughed.
The next day, we spent the whole of it texting.
The next day, he asked to meet me in town.
So we did, then we went to meet people in the park.
Then we went to another friend's house...then they both came back to mine...then they both left.
Then he texted me....and I could still see him when he texted me...
what the hell?
He invited me to go over to his house.
I did, but i knew nothing could happen, because firstly, I've changed...slightly. Well I like to think I have.
Also, I had woken upp with impetigo around my MOUTH that morning...AND I was on my period...(i'm one of those freaks who thinks everything happens for a reason, so I took that as a 'sign').
So at his house, I started to like him...but I only told one person.
We had a good time...he played guitar and sang to me...which was a bit freaking out...too film like for me...I think I enjoyed it at the time...but now I can't tell.
He was like overly affectionate towards me as well...(seeing as we hardly knew each other and hadn't even kissed or anything).
He kept kissing me on the forehead...IN FRONT OF HIS MUM...
Ewewew.
What a complete pervert.
That night I went to a party at Dino's house.
Angel barely spoke to me the whole time, which I actually didn't care that much about...the only thing I cared about was the fact that I had got alcohol IN MY IMPETIGO, and it KILLED.
I was crying cause everything seemed to be going wrong...and I missed that thing about newquay which I'm not going to ever write about.
So the next day, Angel texted me saying: "Hey howa you? How has your day been? Sorry I was a bit off with you at Dino's (and he put a kiss face)"
I texted him back being all like...."just incase you think I was crying about you...I actually wasn't..." (but made it more convincing...even though i ACTUALLY WASN'T)
He didn't text back...lol to that.
So then when I met Bape, a few days later, I completely forgot about Angel, which I'm very happy about, cause I've heard some stuff about Angel....he is SO not the person I thought he was...he's a complete player apparently. And really bitchy too (not right for a boy to actually be referred to as a bitch)
So.....the day before Bape got back from Bahrain, I met my friend VP in town. I got a text from Angel's friend TO (who I was really good friends with before he went on holiday), and he asked to meet me and VP. When we got there....Angel was there...who had got back from holiday 2 days before.
We somehow (against my will) ended up all going to the cinema together.
Angel sat next to me (I didn't sit next to him...he sat next to me....idiot)
He tried to lace fingers...and i elbowed him in the arm.
I'm good =]
I have such good will power
(i SO don't).
This story really doesn't feel complete to me...Maybe I should just leave it that way.
After all, it is MY blog.
Why should I have to follow standard procedures?
This is the place where I can write down my deepest thoughts without being judged by anyone who I can physically hit.
I like it that way.
The end.
xxxxxxMMG
Friday, 22 August 2008
blogging
I just really feel like writing my blog right now.
I couldn't possibly be more up for writing it.
There couldn't be a more perfect thing to be in the mood for.
If I were any more up for writing my blog, I would have to soak my head in lactose free milk. (lactose intolerant)
Anyway, although I am in SUCH a writing-my-blog mood, I don't actually have anythiing to write about.
Okay, I've just decided I do.
RESULTS.
Didn't do as well as I wanted to, but my parents seemed happy with it.
Music: A
Drama: A
Philosophy & Ethics: A*
English: B
ICT: Pass
Citizenship: E (YESS...except my dad told me off for not getting a G)
Science: C
Additional science: C
Maths: C
That's all.
I got money out of it so...plus I got into sixthform
Another topic? I think so
Birthday.
It was really good to spend quality time with my mother.
Especially seeing as all we talked about was me. And Bape.
Wicked was AMAZING. Like amazing. There wouldnt be another word to describe it.
I want to BE Elpheba.
CLOTHES. I got lots of clothes.
Me and Bape have been emailing =]
He's in Bahrain.
What an annoying place for him to be.
In fact, anywhere apart from where I live is an annoying place for him to be.
But yeah...it SEEMS to be going well...even though he's across the world at the moment. Not coming back til sunday.
When I said it SEEMS to be going well...thats just MY point of view...and remember, my luck with boys is NOT good. Ever. Lets just hope that this time, it turns out good for both of us.
eating now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
I couldn't possibly be more up for writing it.
There couldn't be a more perfect thing to be in the mood for.
If I were any more up for writing my blog, I would have to soak my head in lactose free milk. (lactose intolerant)
Anyway, although I am in SUCH a writing-my-blog mood, I don't actually have anythiing to write about.
Okay, I've just decided I do.
RESULTS.
Didn't do as well as I wanted to, but my parents seemed happy with it.
Music: A
Drama: A
Philosophy & Ethics: A*
English: B
ICT: Pass
Citizenship: E (YESS...except my dad told me off for not getting a G)
Science: C
Additional science: C
Maths: C
That's all.
I got money out of it so...plus I got into sixthform
Another topic? I think so
Birthday.
It was really good to spend quality time with my mother.
Especially seeing as all we talked about was me. And Bape.
Wicked was AMAZING. Like amazing. There wouldnt be another word to describe it.
I want to BE Elpheba.
CLOTHES. I got lots of clothes.
Me and Bape have been emailing =]
He's in Bahrain.
What an annoying place for him to be.
In fact, anywhere apart from where I live is an annoying place for him to be.
But yeah...it SEEMS to be going well...even though he's across the world at the moment. Not coming back til sunday.
When I said it SEEMS to be going well...thats just MY point of view...and remember, my luck with boys is NOT good. Ever. Lets just hope that this time, it turns out good for both of us.
eating now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
Sunday, 17 August 2008
...regaining the main aspect of my personality.
I'm actually starting to REGAIN the main aspect of my personality.
Could either be seen as a good thing...or perhaps a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. Not that there's anyone there to look at it seeing as I seem to have lost most of my readers.
Which I don't mind too much.
This is for me, I've decided.
...My blog...that is...
I can't be bothered to have a handwritten diary cause that would mean I'd have to burn every page after I've written it to prevent people who I would prefer not to read it from reading it.
Also, I like the idea of people I don't know being able to read it, which may sound slightly strange to some...but not to me.
Anyway, back to the 'regaining the most important aspect of my life' thingy...
I've met someone who I'm getting along with quite well, and it COULD amount to something...maybe
Perhaps...
If he wanted to...
If we spent enough non-boring time together...which has happened every time we've been together actually: it's never been boring, it's always been...fun?
Bape. That, of course, isn't his name, because I tend not to use people's real names on this blog..seeing as it's anonymous.
Bape, happens to be the make of the shoes he was wearing when I met him =]
Uhuh, I'm a stalker.
Actually, I'd prefer not to be referred to as that from now on...so scrap that.
I'm just very interested.
So yeah...Bape.
I like him, he seems to like me, he's told another friend he likes me...we've kissed a few times, and we're basically acting like a couple.
He's 17..and I'm 16 on Tuesday.
I was talking to my friend, A, today, and he said that he thinks we've grown out of literally initiating the beginning of...boyfriend & girlfriendhood.
What I mean, is that there's no, "will you go out with me..." or "shall we make this official"...allowed anymore, and if there was, we would have to have decreased in age and become 14-year-olds. Do you follow?
I'm really bad at this kind of thing though...cause, well, those of you who've been following my blog, should have noticed that I've been in a 'thing' with quite a few guys, and every time I've actually gotten into a proper relationship (as far as a 'proper relationship' goes, at this age...), it's always been initiated out loud.
This proves how immature I am, and how mature Bape could be.
OH YEAH!, you don't know anything about this guy yet do you...?
He's a tiny bit taller than me, wears a lot of topman...has black hair, and green eyes....which is always a HOT combination.
That's all you need to know.
So the question that this post revolves around is: How do I know if this guy is my boyfriend or not? (when he gets back from holiday)
End of...for now.
On another note, I get my GCSE results back on Thursday!
I don't know whether i'm dreading it or looking forward to it...it all depends on how I do...which makes no sense because that's in the future....and I can't decide if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it AFTER the event, can I now?
Here's what I'm hoping to achieve:
Maths: C
Chemistry: C
Biology: C
Physics: C
Citizenship: E (it get's better after this...)
English Lit: A
English Language: A
Food tech: A
Philosophy and Ethics: A
Music: A*
ICT: C
Drama: A*
...I think that's all the subjects...
anyway, I'd be extremely happy with those results!
Especially the A* in music.
Anyway, I'm at A's house with A and Rawr (which is also a fake name), and I'm being very antisocial, so must go..
Night
XXXXXXXX MMG
Could either be seen as a good thing...or perhaps a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. Not that there's anyone there to look at it seeing as I seem to have lost most of my readers.
Which I don't mind too much.
This is for me, I've decided.
...My blog...that is...
I can't be bothered to have a handwritten diary cause that would mean I'd have to burn every page after I've written it to prevent people who I would prefer not to read it from reading it.
Also, I like the idea of people I don't know being able to read it, which may sound slightly strange to some...but not to me.
Anyway, back to the 'regaining the most important aspect of my life' thingy...
I've met someone who I'm getting along with quite well, and it COULD amount to something...maybe
Perhaps...
If he wanted to...
If we spent enough non-boring time together...which has happened every time we've been together actually: it's never been boring, it's always been...fun?
Bape. That, of course, isn't his name, because I tend not to use people's real names on this blog..seeing as it's anonymous.
Bape, happens to be the make of the shoes he was wearing when I met him =]
Uhuh, I'm a stalker.
Actually, I'd prefer not to be referred to as that from now on...so scrap that.
I'm just very interested.
So yeah...Bape.
I like him, he seems to like me, he's told another friend he likes me...we've kissed a few times, and we're basically acting like a couple.
He's 17..and I'm 16 on Tuesday.
I was talking to my friend, A, today, and he said that he thinks we've grown out of literally initiating the beginning of...boyfriend & girlfriendhood.
What I mean, is that there's no, "will you go out with me..." or "shall we make this official"...allowed anymore, and if there was, we would have to have decreased in age and become 14-year-olds. Do you follow?
I'm really bad at this kind of thing though...cause, well, those of you who've been following my blog, should have noticed that I've been in a 'thing' with quite a few guys, and every time I've actually gotten into a proper relationship (as far as a 'proper relationship' goes, at this age...), it's always been initiated out loud.
This proves how immature I am, and how mature Bape could be.
OH YEAH!, you don't know anything about this guy yet do you...?
He's a tiny bit taller than me, wears a lot of topman...has black hair, and green eyes....which is always a HOT combination.
That's all you need to know.
So the question that this post revolves around is: How do I know if this guy is my boyfriend or not? (when he gets back from holiday)
End of...for now.
On another note, I get my GCSE results back on Thursday!
I don't know whether i'm dreading it or looking forward to it...it all depends on how I do...which makes no sense because that's in the future....and I can't decide if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it AFTER the event, can I now?
Here's what I'm hoping to achieve:
Maths: C
Chemistry: C
Biology: C
Physics: C
Citizenship: E (it get's better after this...)
English Lit: A
English Language: A
Food tech: A
Philosophy and Ethics: A
Music: A*
ICT: C
Drama: A*
...I think that's all the subjects...
anyway, I'd be extremely happy with those results!
Especially the A* in music.
Anyway, I'm at A's house with A and Rawr (which is also a fake name), and I'm being very antisocial, so must go..
Night
XXXXXXXX MMG
Monday, 7 July 2008
Losing the main aspect of my personality
Guess what happened to me.
Tired of trying to work out what happened? Or have you figured out that however long you spend trying to guess what happened it wont matter because I am going to eventually tell you what happened and break the suspence?
I think I'll tell you now.
Towel (remember towel?) kissed me last night.
We were walking back from a party to the area where both he and my friend, Jamz, lives and when he walked us to Jamz's house, he kissed me goodbye. And it wasn't one of those 'IM HORNY' kisses, it felt really meaningfull.
It's weird. Usually I'd be thinking this is a good thing, and I'd be really excited about it. But I'm not. And through this post I'm aiming to try and figure out why the hell i'm not happy about it.
I mean, I've liked him for quite a bit, on and off, so thats even more reason for me to be confused at why I'm not HAPPY.
Maybe it's because I haven't kissed/been kised like that since Kaz. But last time me and Towel wer getting close it all went really bad and messed up. I really have changed in that way.
Remember what I said a while ago about Sheep? About how whenever I approach him a danger sign comes up in my head. Well, this is starting to happen with every guy now I guess.
Ever since Kaz I've been put off boys.
It's taken me a while to actually admit it...but I think that's whats happened.
Wait...what?
It's not like I'm completely put off boys, I mean I'm still very interested in boys, I'm still attracted to some of them...hah.
I'm just terrifyed of getting hurt.
OH MY GOD I'M SO WEIRD.
BYE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG
Tired of trying to work out what happened? Or have you figured out that however long you spend trying to guess what happened it wont matter because I am going to eventually tell you what happened and break the suspence?
I think I'll tell you now.
Towel (remember towel?) kissed me last night.
We were walking back from a party to the area where both he and my friend, Jamz, lives and when he walked us to Jamz's house, he kissed me goodbye. And it wasn't one of those 'IM HORNY' kisses, it felt really meaningfull.
It's weird. Usually I'd be thinking this is a good thing, and I'd be really excited about it. But I'm not. And through this post I'm aiming to try and figure out why the hell i'm not happy about it.
I mean, I've liked him for quite a bit, on and off, so thats even more reason for me to be confused at why I'm not HAPPY.
Maybe it's because I haven't kissed/been kised like that since Kaz. But last time me and Towel wer getting close it all went really bad and messed up. I really have changed in that way.
Remember what I said a while ago about Sheep? About how whenever I approach him a danger sign comes up in my head. Well, this is starting to happen with every guy now I guess.
Ever since Kaz I've been put off boys.
It's taken me a while to actually admit it...but I think that's whats happened.
Wait...what?
It's not like I'm completely put off boys, I mean I'm still very interested in boys, I'm still attracted to some of them...hah.
I'm just terrifyed of getting hurt.
OH MY GOD I'M SO WEIRD.
BYE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG
Sunday, 29 June 2008
Bored.
I am so bored.
Seriously though.
I am the boredest person in the history of anybody ever.
If there were to be a prize for the boredest person on this planet (ever), it would be extremely likely for me to win.
This might not seem like an original thing to say, but it IS in fact, an original feeling, because as I said, nobody has ever been this bored ever.
This is the only way such boredom could be described.
This is all you need to know.
I'm going to go and bathe in my boredom.
MMGXXXXXXXXXXX
PS.....pathetic..i know.
Seriously though.
I am the boredest person in the history of anybody ever.
If there were to be a prize for the boredest person on this planet (ever), it would be extremely likely for me to win.
This might not seem like an original thing to say, but it IS in fact, an original feeling, because as I said, nobody has ever been this bored ever.
This is the only way such boredom could be described.
This is all you need to know.
I'm going to go and bathe in my boredom.
MMGXXXXXXXXXXX
PS.....pathetic..i know.
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
DANGER
Surely this blog has now been forgotten...just a distant memory falling away...like a wet cake.
But I'm afraid I've started up again...yep. I shall notify my mother...who with then notify oscar...and then I will have 2 main readers again...(perhaps more if my other regulars [two others...] hear...or check the blog out of bordem)!!
Why haven't I written for over a month? Because I've been revising, tricking myself into thinking I'm revising, socialising, sleeping, and sitting exams. Most of which I was revising. Sounds fun dont you think? (when I say most of the time I was revising, what I actually mean, is that because revising is so boring, 4 hours seemed like a whole day).
I'm not sure if theres anything actually interesting to tell... I guess I'll just take one of the biggest events and explain...hmm
OH! A's party...twas on the night of um.....the 4th of May?..(I think) All was silent...well...it wasn't...it wasn't at all. AHEM! Basically, it was a joint birthday party to celebrate the birthdays of both A and...F (two of my friends). They decided to have a pre-BBQ, which only about 8 people were invited to...and I happened to be one of them.
This was very good, because it meant we got food, not just any kind of food...meat!...the kind of food which is the flesh of animals? Some people don't eat meat, they prefer vegetable slop (MOTHER). We were also provided with drink (the mind altering kind), which got me quite tipsy for when the rest of the party guests began to arrive. This was good, because it meant that I didn't have to FORCE myself to be more social and greet people as nicely as I did completely naturally when my mind had been slightly altered by the alcoholic beverages which I mentioned before.
Anyway, the party had begun...and everyone was there...it was a mix of groups which made it a lot better too...and yeah...it all ended in tears...
Everyone was flirting with that guy I like, I might actually give him a name now...Sheep...theres a reason for that...a reason that I can, actually explain...for some strange reason...whenever he approaches all his friends say his name as if it were coming from the mouth of a sheep...like BBAAAAAAAAHHHHH except with him name...oh well...
So Sheep it is, so everyone was flirting with sheep...and because i was mind-altered, AND upset, I started crying...and that resulted in Shar crying too cause she knows he likes her and she doesnt like him and she's in love with someone who has a girl friend and the whole thing is just COMPLETELY MESSED UP!!! *sigh* some and Shar went to the end of the garden and were talking and crying on the bench...when STUPID Sheep comes up! Come up with that 'im-having-a-great-time-at-this-party-i-know-i-think-i'll-come-over-here-and-try-and-spread-my-joy-and-take-no-notice-at-the-fact-that-they-obviously-have-a-good-reason-to-be-alone-over-here-crying------oh-well!!' look on his face...ugh. He asked what was wrong, (still with a smile on his face...) and I said "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK IS WRONG YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT? I REALLLLY like you for some stupidly pathetic reason, and you, instead choose to like someone who you find impossible to have a conversation with, someone who you've basically never spoken to, someone who DOESNT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN YOU!!!! rather than someone like me, someone who you can have fun with and TALK to!!" (I didn't actually say any of that....but I was thinking it...
Shar and I just gave him a "get-the-hell-away-from-us" glare.
Later, when I'd mostly finished crying, I walked past Sheep, and he asked if he could speak to me...he basically told me that he was concerned and really cared that I was upset...which was very convincing, but i know deep down he was chortling at the fact someone who cant have him likes him...then i told him that i liked him and told him why it upset me. He didn't look AT ALL suprised, and said that he was really sorry, he saw me as a really good friend and that he LOVED me as a friend...but that he still really liked Shar.
This upset me VERY A LOT.
That is all I have to say on the matter.
Nowadays (a few weeks later) I still find it difficult...It's weird its something I haven't really felt before...it's kind of like...whenever I start thinking about him, or get into a deep conversation with him...I force myself to get out of it. Even though it might mean that we are getting closer, and the conversation could lead to others which lead to him starting to like me...there is still always something stopping me.
It's like every time I cross the line of socialising with him..my mind says 'DANGER'..and I back away.
I don't know why this is suddenly starting to happen, i only noticed it in the last two days.
But I think it's because I'm scared of being hurt again.
Kaz hurt me...and I think that's because he wasn't nearly as into me as I was into him...
And Sheep isn't into me.
I want someone who after having only a few conversations with...I can click with.
Someone who shows an interest in me straight away.
Until them, I'm closing off to boys.
I wont go out of my way.
Afterall, I think I'll be happier that way...
ANYWAY! thats enough deepness from me!
I'm going to revise....BYE!
XXXXXXXXXMMG
But I'm afraid I've started up again...yep. I shall notify my mother...who with then notify oscar...and then I will have 2 main readers again...(perhaps more if my other regulars [two others...] hear...or check the blog out of bordem)!!
Why haven't I written for over a month? Because I've been revising, tricking myself into thinking I'm revising, socialising, sleeping, and sitting exams. Most of which I was revising. Sounds fun dont you think? (when I say most of the time I was revising, what I actually mean, is that because revising is so boring, 4 hours seemed like a whole day).
I'm not sure if theres anything actually interesting to tell... I guess I'll just take one of the biggest events and explain...hmm
OH! A's party...twas on the night of um.....the 4th of May?..(I think) All was silent...well...it wasn't...it wasn't at all. AHEM! Basically, it was a joint birthday party to celebrate the birthdays of both A and...F (two of my friends). They decided to have a pre-BBQ, which only about 8 people were invited to...and I happened to be one of them.
This was very good, because it meant we got food, not just any kind of food...meat!...the kind of food which is the flesh of animals? Some people don't eat meat, they prefer vegetable slop (MOTHER). We were also provided with drink (the mind altering kind), which got me quite tipsy for when the rest of the party guests began to arrive. This was good, because it meant that I didn't have to FORCE myself to be more social and greet people as nicely as I did completely naturally when my mind had been slightly altered by the alcoholic beverages which I mentioned before.
Anyway, the party had begun...and everyone was there...it was a mix of groups which made it a lot better too...and yeah...it all ended in tears...
Everyone was flirting with that guy I like, I might actually give him a name now...Sheep...theres a reason for that...a reason that I can, actually explain...for some strange reason...whenever he approaches all his friends say his name as if it were coming from the mouth of a sheep...like BBAAAAAAAAHHHHH except with him name...oh well...
So Sheep it is, so everyone was flirting with sheep...and because i was mind-altered, AND upset, I started crying...and that resulted in Shar crying too cause she knows he likes her and she doesnt like him and she's in love with someone who has a girl friend and the whole thing is just COMPLETELY MESSED UP!!! *sigh* some and Shar went to the end of the garden and were talking and crying on the bench...when STUPID Sheep comes up! Come up with that 'im-having-a-great-time-at-this-party-i-know-i-think-i'll-come-over-here-and-try-and-spread-my-joy-and-take-no-notice-at-the-fact-that-they-obviously-have-a-good-reason-to-be-alone-over-here-crying------oh-well!!' look on his face...ugh. He asked what was wrong, (still with a smile on his face...) and I said "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK IS WRONG YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT? I REALLLLY like you for some stupidly pathetic reason, and you, instead choose to like someone who you find impossible to have a conversation with, someone who you've basically never spoken to, someone who DOESNT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN YOU!!!! rather than someone like me, someone who you can have fun with and TALK to!!" (I didn't actually say any of that....but I was thinking it...
Shar and I just gave him a "get-the-hell-away-from-us" glare.
Later, when I'd mostly finished crying, I walked past Sheep, and he asked if he could speak to me...he basically told me that he was concerned and really cared that I was upset...which was very convincing, but i know deep down he was chortling at the fact someone who cant have him likes him...then i told him that i liked him and told him why it upset me. He didn't look AT ALL suprised, and said that he was really sorry, he saw me as a really good friend and that he LOVED me as a friend...but that he still really liked Shar.
This upset me VERY A LOT.
That is all I have to say on the matter.
Nowadays (a few weeks later) I still find it difficult...It's weird its something I haven't really felt before...it's kind of like...whenever I start thinking about him, or get into a deep conversation with him...I force myself to get out of it. Even though it might mean that we are getting closer, and the conversation could lead to others which lead to him starting to like me...there is still always something stopping me.
It's like every time I cross the line of socialising with him..my mind says 'DANGER'..and I back away.
I don't know why this is suddenly starting to happen, i only noticed it in the last two days.
But I think it's because I'm scared of being hurt again.
Kaz hurt me...and I think that's because he wasn't nearly as into me as I was into him...
And Sheep isn't into me.
I want someone who after having only a few conversations with...I can click with.
Someone who shows an interest in me straight away.
Until them, I'm closing off to boys.
I wont go out of my way.
Afterall, I think I'll be happier that way...
ANYWAY! thats enough deepness from me!
I'm going to revise....BYE!
XXXXXXXXXMMG
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
