Anger and Love

You know what?

Forget the last post...I basically don't write my blog....so I also basically don't read other blogs...
so forget it =]

Anything new?...not that I can talk about.

Things still going good with Bape...

Lately I've been having major anger/tear outbursts...and the tinyest things keep making me cry.
You know when you're a boy (this is something I have never experienced), you get angry and want to hit people and take out your 9inch dagger? Yes?
Well when you're a girl, anger makes you upset (well, makes me upset...).
But lately I've been getting a similar feeling to male anger...I start snapping at people, and want to hit, and shout and scream.

I know it's probaly my hormones being messed about from being on the pill, but it's confusing and upsetting me a lot, and must be extremley difficult for Bape to deal with.

But he's sweet to me, he seems to understand, and doesnt snap back at me, he just takes it in, and gives me a hug and tells me everything is going to be okay.

I don't know how he knows this is the correct thing to do about you're girlfriend's mood swings...he's never had a girlfriend before me, just flings...

If you're male and you're reading this, here's a word of advice:

When a your girlfriend/sister/daughter is crying or angry or upset about something small, that can only sort istelf out...DON'T TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
Just hug her and tell her it will be okay, that's all we need.

I learnt this from my mum.

She told me about how her mother was crying and upset once, and my mum didn't know what to do about it, but then my mother's grandmother just went right up to my mum's mother, and gave her a squeeze.

Sounds complicated (probaly from the repetition of 'mother' and 'mum'), but it's true...girls are said to be ridiculously complex...but really...we're not...in some ways.

I'm not too good at explaining myself, especially when I'm writing from school. I have no quiet time to think...around me are hooligans, looking over my shoulder, laughing, singing Katie Perry's 'I kissed a girl' at the top of their voices. Annoying, and hard to concenterate on my feelings.

This blog started out not being about feelings, but being a place where I can say sarcastic things about my friends and family.

Maybe it's important for me to write my feelings down rather than bore other people who haven't CHOSEN to hear them (like you readers...not that there are any...).

More about me and Bape:

We spend SO much time together, and when we're not in the same room, we're either on the phone, texting, on msn or thinking about eachother...which usually leads to texting or calling or going on msn.

Is this normal? Or is it just standard young love?

His friends get pissed off with it all, and are always telling him they miss him and he spends too much time with me.

But he doesn't seem to care that much...I think he pretends to, because he should, but we haven't started seeing eachother less...although we should, because he's got like 75897580 A2 exams after the xmas hols.

My friends are really nice about it, they say they miss not seeing me as much, but that they're really happy for me, and Bape told me how one of my friends had gone up to him and told him about how happy he's made me. =]

I am SO in love.



BYE NOW

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG

"it's all about me"...?

^^ the title...i copied that from MG's blog =]

She told me to take this random quiz thing...not quite sure how im supposed to use it...

My mother, MG, tagged me. This is how it works: Display the award. Link back to the person who gave you this award. Nominate at least 7 other blogs. Put links to those blogs on your blog. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated. You can only answer in one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? Bag

2. Where is your significant other? Maths

3. Your hair color? Brown

4. Your mother? Writing

5. Your father? Working

6. Your favourite thing? Boys...

7. Your dream last night? Forfilling

8. Your dream/goal? Stage

9. The room you’re in? Commonroom

10. Your hobby? Performing

11. Your fear? Spiders

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Engaged

13. Where were you last night? bed

14. What you’re not? Obease

15. One of your wish-list items? Money?!

16. Where you grew up? Oxford

17. The last thing you did? Laughed

18. What are you wearing? Green

19. Your TV? Standard.

20. Your pet? Psychotic

21. Your computer? School's

22. Your mood? Content.

23. Missing someone? Boyfriend

24. Your car? Dad's

25. Something you’re not wearing? Coat.

26. Favourite store? Bonnie

27. Your summer? Ok.

28. Love someone? Totally.

29. Your favorite color? Green

30. When is the last time you laughed? seconds

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

People I plan to tag...i'm not going to tag seven...because I don't actually know of seven blogs...and I would be lying to say that I liked them...if I had never read them...

MG Harris, Chu, Spazology...hmm...that's 3...

Oh well! I'll make links to them later...right now I'm about to go home..I'm in a free period at school...because we have them now =] being in 6thform and all!

Just incase you're wondering..things are going very well with me and Bape...very well...we're experiencing tennage love...we're ALWAYS together...hate being apart...practically live together...

In love...

already....

2 months on friday!...

MMG XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Photo.

Look ------>
I put a picture up...now you have a slight insight to what I look like.

I say 'slight' because it has been edited a bit...

Right, why am I choosing this particular moment to blog?
Because I've had something on my mind all day.

The thing I have on my mind:

Me and Bape are still together...but here come the problems...well...not a big problem, it just feels like it should be a problem.

I spent a few weeks (the only 2 and a half weeks we've been together) wondering what was wrong with him.
Nothing is wrong with him...at least I thought...

His ONLY flaw, and it's not even that much of a flaw, is that he is so sexually driven...

We haven't actually had sex, I've decided I'm not going to lose my virginity until I'm in love.
We've done everything else though...already.
I'd prefer to blog this rather than tell people, cause I don't want him to find out and get pissed off or hurt.

We are really sexually compatible though, and I do feel a connection with him, and it feels right and all...but I feel like I should be worried...

I feel like I SHOULD feel like it's a bad thing that we're moving too fast.

Again, it feels right...but also I feel like I should feel bad...understand?

I tried lightly mentioning this today, but he just laughed it off.

He probably thought I was joking.

We spend a lot of time at eachother's houses, i mean we have actual fun too, we laugh we joke we cuddle we....yeah....we watch films nd stuff...in fact, we watched the notebook (poor guy, he must've been bored to death) and I cried, which was slightly embarrassing.

I wanna DO something though!!...ugh

I think my problem is that I feel like I SHOULD feel like I wanna get serious...but then I know that he's probably just in it for the fun of being in a relationship.

But in actual fact...I'm not in love with him...(yet...hmm...i dont even know if i wanna fall in love again for a long time...)...our relationship is limited to a year because he's going off to uni next year...
Maybe I should just lay back and have fun...yeah, i guess thats just what i'll have to do.

Oh well. Apart from that minor problem, everything's going really well, and i really like him =]


School's fun (it won't be for long though...)

I have loads of double lessons...and barely anyone's in my music and philosophy classes...

I'm bored of this now.



Adios!


xxxxxxxxxxMMG

Completely pointless post. (alitteration)

Feel like writing...(again), but I have nothing to say, so I'm going to tell an old story.

The day I got back from Newquay (i don't think I even mentioned I went to newquay...something overwhelming happened over there, something that depressed me so much when I tried writing about it that I had to actually delete the blog entry...)...I went to A's that night, and he was having a party. There was a HYOWGE mix of people there, I don't think it really worked to be perfectly honest.

I met this guy (briefly) called Angel (this name because he sings and plays the guitar, and a friend says he sings like an angel...wtf? How do they even know what an angel sings like?).
So yeah, because I missed newquay so much, I wasn't very sociable. In fact at one point, i literally just went up to sit in arthur's bedroom on my own. Then I went home.

So when I told people I was going home, Angel randomly asked me why.

And I said...: "...Because I want to."

Angel: "You seem a bit depressed"

Me: *glare* "...yeah, kind of."

Angel: "what's up?"

Me: "no offence...but I only met you today, why would I tell you?"

Angel: "...oh."

Me: "bye"

Did I sound rude?
I did didn't I?
At the time, I didn't mind that I sounded rude...then a few days later I did...now I couldn't give two flying washing machines.

Next day, a few of us went to uniparks...and surprise surprise, he was there.
I realised that he was actually pretty hot...but there was something weird about him.

He seemed slightly fake, no one else seemed to notice it, so i kind of pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

We made eyes.

We talked.

We laughed.

The next day, we spent the whole of it texting.

The next day, he asked to meet me in town.

So we did, then we went to meet people in the park.

Then we went to another friend's house...then they both came back to mine...then they both left.

Then he texted me....and I could still see him when he texted me...
what the hell?

He invited me to go over to his house.
I did, but i knew nothing could happen, because firstly, I've changed...slightly. Well I like to think I have.

Also, I had woken upp with impetigo around my MOUTH that morning...AND I was on my period...(i'm one of those freaks who thinks everything happens for a reason, so I took that as a 'sign').

So at his house, I started to like him...but I only told one person.
We had a good time...he played guitar and sang to me...which was a bit freaking out...too film like for me...I think I enjoyed it at the time...but now I can't tell.

He was like overly affectionate towards me as well...(seeing as we hardly knew each other and hadn't even kissed or anything).

He kept kissing me on the forehead...IN FRONT OF HIS MUM...

Ewewew.


What a complete pervert.


That night I went to a party at Dino's house.
Angel barely spoke to me the whole time, which I actually didn't care that much about...the only thing I cared about was the fact that I had got alcohol IN MY IMPETIGO, and it KILLED.

I was crying cause everything seemed to be going wrong...and I missed that thing about newquay which I'm not going to ever write about.

So the next day, Angel texted me saying: "Hey howa you? How has your day been? Sorry I was a bit off with you at Dino's (and he put a kiss face)"

I texted him back being all like...."just incase you think I was crying about you...I actually wasn't..." (but made it more convincing...even though i ACTUALLY WASN'T)

He didn't text back...lol to that.

So then when I met Bape, a few days later, I completely forgot about Angel, which I'm very happy about, cause I've heard some stuff about Angel....he is SO not the person I thought he was...he's a complete player apparently. And really bitchy too (not right for a boy to actually be referred to as a bitch)

So.....the day before Bape got back from Bahrain, I met my friend VP in town. I got a text from Angel's friend TO (who I was really good friends with before he went on holiday), and he asked to meet me and VP. When we got there....Angel was there...who had got back from holiday 2 days before.

We somehow (against my will) ended up all going to the cinema together.

Angel sat next to me (I didn't sit next to him...he sat next to me....idiot)

He tried to lace fingers...and i elbowed him in the arm.

I'm good =]

I have such good will power

(i SO don't).

This story really doesn't feel complete to me...Maybe I should just leave it that way.

After all, it is MY blog.

Why should I have to follow standard procedures?

This is the place where I can write down my deepest thoughts without being judged by anyone who I can physically hit.

I like it that way.

The end.

xxxxxxMMG

blogging

I just really feel like writing my blog right now.

I couldn't possibly be more up for writing it.

There couldn't be a more perfect thing to be in the mood for.

If I were any more up for writing my blog, I would have to soak my head in lactose free milk. (lactose intolerant)

Anyway, although I am in SUCH a writing-my-blog mood, I don't actually have anythiing to write about.

Okay, I've just decided I do.

RESULTS.

Didn't do as well as I wanted to, but my parents seemed happy with it.

Music: A
Drama: A
Philosophy & Ethics: A*
English: B
ICT: Pass
Citizenship: E (YESS...except my dad told me off for not getting a G)
Science: C
Additional science: C
Maths: C

That's all.

I got money out of it so...plus I got into sixthform

Another topic? I think so

Birthday.

It was really good to spend quality time with my mother.
Especially seeing as all we talked about was me. And Bape.

Wicked was AMAZING. Like amazing. There wouldnt be another word to describe it.
I want to BE Elpheba.

CLOTHES. I got lots of clothes.

Me and Bape have been emailing =]

He's in Bahrain.
What an annoying place for him to be.
In fact, anywhere apart from where I live is an annoying place for him to be.

But yeah...it SEEMS to be going well...even though he's across the world at the moment. Not coming back til sunday.

When I said it SEEMS to be going well...thats just MY point of view...and remember, my luck with boys is NOT good. Ever. Lets just hope that this time, it turns out good for both of us.


eating now.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG

...regaining the main aspect of my personality.

I'm actually starting to REGAIN the main aspect of my personality.

Could either be seen as a good thing...or perhaps a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. Not that there's anyone there to look at it seeing as I seem to have lost most of my readers.

Which I don't mind too much.

This is for me, I've decided.

...My blog...that is...

I can't be bothered to have a handwritten diary cause that would mean I'd have to burn every page after I've written it to prevent people who I would prefer not to read it from reading it.

Also, I like the idea of people I don't know being able to read it, which may sound slightly strange to some...but not to me.

Anyway, back to the 'regaining the most important aspect of my life' thingy...

I've met someone who I'm getting along with quite well, and it COULD amount to something...maybe

Perhaps...

If he wanted to...

If we spent enough non-boring time together...which has happened every time we've been together actually: it's never been boring, it's always been...fun?

Bape. That, of course, isn't his name, because I tend not to use people's real names on this blog..seeing as it's anonymous.

Bape, happens to be the make of the shoes he was wearing when I met him =]

Uhuh, I'm a stalker.

Actually, I'd prefer not to be referred to as that from now on...so scrap that.

I'm just very interested.

So yeah...Bape.

I like him, he seems to like me, he's told another friend he likes me...we've kissed a few times, and we're basically acting like a couple.

He's 17..and I'm 16 on Tuesday.

I was talking to my friend, A, today, and he said that he thinks we've grown out of literally initiating the beginning of...boyfriend & girlfriendhood.

What I mean, is that there's no, "will you go out with me..." or "shall we make this official"...allowed anymore, and if there was, we would have to have decreased in age and become 14-year-olds. Do you follow?

I'm really bad at this kind of thing though...cause, well, those of you who've been following my blog, should have noticed that I've been in a 'thing' with quite a few guys, and every time I've actually gotten into a proper relationship (as far as a 'proper relationship' goes, at this age...), it's always been initiated out loud.

This proves how immature I am, and how mature Bape could be.

OH YEAH!, you don't know anything about this guy yet do you...?

He's a tiny bit taller than me, wears a lot of topman...has black hair, and green eyes....which is always a HOT combination.

That's all you need to know.

So the question that this post revolves around is: How do I know if this guy is my boyfriend or not? (when he gets back from holiday)

End of...for now.


On another note, I get my GCSE results back on Thursday!

I don't know whether i'm dreading it or looking forward to it...it all depends on how I do...which makes no sense because that's in the future....and I can't decide if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it AFTER the event, can I now?

Here's what I'm hoping to achieve:

Maths: C
Chemistry: C
Biology: C
Physics: C
Citizenship: E (it get's better after this...)
English Lit: A
English Language: A
Food tech: A
Philosophy and Ethics: A
Music: A*
ICT: C
Drama: A*

...I think that's all the subjects...
anyway, I'd be extremely happy with those results!

Especially the A* in music.

Anyway, I'm at A's house with A and Rawr (which is also a fake name), and I'm being very antisocial, so must go..

Night

XXXXXXXX MMG

Losing the main aspect of my personality

Guess what happened to me.


Tired of trying to work out what happened? Or have you figured out that however long you spend trying to guess what happened it wont matter because I am going to eventually tell you what happened and break the suspence?

I think I'll tell you now.

Towel (remember towel?) kissed me last night.

We were walking back from a party to the area where both he and my friend, Jamz, lives and when he walked us to Jamz's house, he kissed me goodbye. And it wasn't one of those 'IM HORNY' kisses, it felt really meaningfull.

It's weird. Usually I'd be thinking this is a good thing, and I'd be really excited about it. But I'm not. And through this post I'm aiming to try and figure out why the hell i'm not happy about it.

I mean, I've liked him for quite a bit, on and off, so thats even more reason for me to be confused at why I'm not HAPPY.

Maybe it's because I haven't kissed/been kised like that since Kaz. But last time me and Towel wer getting close it all went really bad and messed up. I really have changed in that way.

Remember what I said a while ago about Sheep? About how whenever I approach him a danger sign comes up in my head. Well, this is starting to happen with every guy now I guess.

Ever since Kaz I've been put off boys.

It's taken me a while to actually admit it...but I think that's whats happened.

Wait...what?

It's not like I'm completely put off boys, I mean I'm still very interested in boys, I'm still attracted to some of them...hah.

I'm just terrifyed of getting hurt.

OH MY GOD I'M SO WEIRD.


BYE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG