Guess what happened to me.
Tired of trying to work out what happened? Or have you figured out that however long you spend trying to guess what happened it wont matter because I am going to eventually tell you what happened and break the suspence?
I think I'll tell you now.
Towel (remember towel?) kissed me last night.
We were walking back from a party to the area where both he and my friend, Jamz, lives and when he walked us to Jamz's house, he kissed me goodbye. And it wasn't one of those 'IM HORNY' kisses, it felt really meaningfull.
It's weird. Usually I'd be thinking this is a good thing, and I'd be really excited about it. But I'm not. And through this post I'm aiming to try and figure out why the hell i'm not happy about it.
I mean, I've liked him for quite a bit, on and off, so thats even more reason for me to be confused at why I'm not HAPPY.
Maybe it's because I haven't kissed/been kised like that since Kaz. But last time me and Towel wer getting close it all went really bad and messed up. I really have changed in that way.
Remember what I said a while ago about Sheep? About how whenever I approach him a danger sign comes up in my head. Well, this is starting to happen with every guy now I guess.
Ever since Kaz I've been put off boys.
It's taken me a while to actually admit it...but I think that's whats happened.
Wait...what?
It's not like I'm completely put off boys, I mean I'm still very interested in boys, I'm still attracted to some of them...hah.
I'm just terrifyed of getting hurt.
OH MY GOD I'M SO WEIRD.
BYE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG
Monday, 7 July 2008
Sunday, 29 June 2008
Bored.
I am so bored.
Seriously though.
I am the boredest person in the history of anybody ever.
If there were to be a prize for the boredest person on this planet (ever), it would be extremely likely for me to win.
This might not seem like an original thing to say, but it IS in fact, an original feeling, because as I said, nobody has ever been this bored ever.
This is the only way such boredom could be described.
This is all you need to know.
I'm going to go and bathe in my boredom.
MMGXXXXXXXXXXX
PS.....pathetic..i know.
Seriously though.
I am the boredest person in the history of anybody ever.
If there were to be a prize for the boredest person on this planet (ever), it would be extremely likely for me to win.
This might not seem like an original thing to say, but it IS in fact, an original feeling, because as I said, nobody has ever been this bored ever.
This is the only way such boredom could be described.
This is all you need to know.
I'm going to go and bathe in my boredom.
MMGXXXXXXXXXXX
PS.....pathetic..i know.
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
DANGER
Surely this blog has now been forgotten...just a distant memory falling away...like a wet cake.
But I'm afraid I've started up again...yep. I shall notify my mother...who with then notify oscar...and then I will have 2 main readers again...(perhaps more if my other regulars [two others...] hear...or check the blog out of bordem)!!
Why haven't I written for over a month? Because I've been revising, tricking myself into thinking I'm revising, socialising, sleeping, and sitting exams. Most of which I was revising. Sounds fun dont you think? (when I say most of the time I was revising, what I actually mean, is that because revising is so boring, 4 hours seemed like a whole day).
I'm not sure if theres anything actually interesting to tell... I guess I'll just take one of the biggest events and explain...hmm
OH! A's party...twas on the night of um.....the 4th of May?..(I think) All was silent...well...it wasn't...it wasn't at all. AHEM! Basically, it was a joint birthday party to celebrate the birthdays of both A and...F (two of my friends). They decided to have a pre-BBQ, which only about 8 people were invited to...and I happened to be one of them.
This was very good, because it meant we got food, not just any kind of food...meat!...the kind of food which is the flesh of animals? Some people don't eat meat, they prefer vegetable slop (MOTHER). We were also provided with drink (the mind altering kind), which got me quite tipsy for when the rest of the party guests began to arrive. This was good, because it meant that I didn't have to FORCE myself to be more social and greet people as nicely as I did completely naturally when my mind had been slightly altered by the alcoholic beverages which I mentioned before.
Anyway, the party had begun...and everyone was there...it was a mix of groups which made it a lot better too...and yeah...it all ended in tears...
Everyone was flirting with that guy I like, I might actually give him a name now...Sheep...theres a reason for that...a reason that I can, actually explain...for some strange reason...whenever he approaches all his friends say his name as if it were coming from the mouth of a sheep...like BBAAAAAAAAHHHHH except with him name...oh well...
So Sheep it is, so everyone was flirting with sheep...and because i was mind-altered, AND upset, I started crying...and that resulted in Shar crying too cause she knows he likes her and she doesnt like him and she's in love with someone who has a girl friend and the whole thing is just COMPLETELY MESSED UP!!! *sigh* some and Shar went to the end of the garden and were talking and crying on the bench...when STUPID Sheep comes up! Come up with that 'im-having-a-great-time-at-this-party-i-know-i-think-i'll-come-over-here-and-try-and-spread-my-joy-and-take-no-notice-at-the-fact-that-they-obviously-have-a-good-reason-to-be-alone-over-here-crying------oh-well!!' look on his face...ugh. He asked what was wrong, (still with a smile on his face...) and I said "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK IS WRONG YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT? I REALLLLY like you for some stupidly pathetic reason, and you, instead choose to like someone who you find impossible to have a conversation with, someone who you've basically never spoken to, someone who DOESNT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN YOU!!!! rather than someone like me, someone who you can have fun with and TALK to!!" (I didn't actually say any of that....but I was thinking it...
Shar and I just gave him a "get-the-hell-away-from-us" glare.
Later, when I'd mostly finished crying, I walked past Sheep, and he asked if he could speak to me...he basically told me that he was concerned and really cared that I was upset...which was very convincing, but i know deep down he was chortling at the fact someone who cant have him likes him...then i told him that i liked him and told him why it upset me. He didn't look AT ALL suprised, and said that he was really sorry, he saw me as a really good friend and that he LOVED me as a friend...but that he still really liked Shar.
This upset me VERY A LOT.
That is all I have to say on the matter.
Nowadays (a few weeks later) I still find it difficult...It's weird its something I haven't really felt before...it's kind of like...whenever I start thinking about him, or get into a deep conversation with him...I force myself to get out of it. Even though it might mean that we are getting closer, and the conversation could lead to others which lead to him starting to like me...there is still always something stopping me.
It's like every time I cross the line of socialising with him..my mind says 'DANGER'..and I back away.
I don't know why this is suddenly starting to happen, i only noticed it in the last two days.
But I think it's because I'm scared of being hurt again.
Kaz hurt me...and I think that's because he wasn't nearly as into me as I was into him...
And Sheep isn't into me.
I want someone who after having only a few conversations with...I can click with.
Someone who shows an interest in me straight away.
Until them, I'm closing off to boys.
I wont go out of my way.
Afterall, I think I'll be happier that way...
ANYWAY! thats enough deepness from me!
I'm going to revise....BYE!
XXXXXXXXXMMG
But I'm afraid I've started up again...yep. I shall notify my mother...who with then notify oscar...and then I will have 2 main readers again...(perhaps more if my other regulars [two others...] hear...or check the blog out of bordem)!!
Why haven't I written for over a month? Because I've been revising, tricking myself into thinking I'm revising, socialising, sleeping, and sitting exams. Most of which I was revising. Sounds fun dont you think? (when I say most of the time I was revising, what I actually mean, is that because revising is so boring, 4 hours seemed like a whole day).
I'm not sure if theres anything actually interesting to tell... I guess I'll just take one of the biggest events and explain...hmm
OH! A's party...twas on the night of um.....the 4th of May?..(I think) All was silent...well...it wasn't...it wasn't at all. AHEM! Basically, it was a joint birthday party to celebrate the birthdays of both A and...F (two of my friends). They decided to have a pre-BBQ, which only about 8 people were invited to...and I happened to be one of them.
This was very good, because it meant we got food, not just any kind of food...meat!...the kind of food which is the flesh of animals? Some people don't eat meat, they prefer vegetable slop (MOTHER). We were also provided with drink (the mind altering kind), which got me quite tipsy for when the rest of the party guests began to arrive. This was good, because it meant that I didn't have to FORCE myself to be more social and greet people as nicely as I did completely naturally when my mind had been slightly altered by the alcoholic beverages which I mentioned before.
Anyway, the party had begun...and everyone was there...it was a mix of groups which made it a lot better too...and yeah...it all ended in tears...
Everyone was flirting with that guy I like, I might actually give him a name now...Sheep...theres a reason for that...a reason that I can, actually explain...for some strange reason...whenever he approaches all his friends say his name as if it were coming from the mouth of a sheep...like BBAAAAAAAAHHHHH except with him name...oh well...
So Sheep it is, so everyone was flirting with sheep...and because i was mind-altered, AND upset, I started crying...and that resulted in Shar crying too cause she knows he likes her and she doesnt like him and she's in love with someone who has a girl friend and the whole thing is just COMPLETELY MESSED UP!!! *sigh* some and Shar went to the end of the garden and were talking and crying on the bench...when STUPID Sheep comes up! Come up with that 'im-having-a-great-time-at-this-party-i-know-i-think-i'll-come-over-here-and-try-and-spread-my-joy-and-take-no-notice-at-the-fact-that-they-obviously-have-a-good-reason-to-be-alone-over-here-crying------oh-well!!' look on his face...ugh. He asked what was wrong, (still with a smile on his face...) and I said "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK IS WRONG YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT? I REALLLLY like you for some stupidly pathetic reason, and you, instead choose to like someone who you find impossible to have a conversation with, someone who you've basically never spoken to, someone who DOESNT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN YOU!!!! rather than someone like me, someone who you can have fun with and TALK to!!" (I didn't actually say any of that....but I was thinking it...
Shar and I just gave him a "get-the-hell-away-from-us" glare.
Later, when I'd mostly finished crying, I walked past Sheep, and he asked if he could speak to me...he basically told me that he was concerned and really cared that I was upset...which was very convincing, but i know deep down he was chortling at the fact someone who cant have him likes him...then i told him that i liked him and told him why it upset me. He didn't look AT ALL suprised, and said that he was really sorry, he saw me as a really good friend and that he LOVED me as a friend...but that he still really liked Shar.
This upset me VERY A LOT.
That is all I have to say on the matter.
Nowadays (a few weeks later) I still find it difficult...It's weird its something I haven't really felt before...it's kind of like...whenever I start thinking about him, or get into a deep conversation with him...I force myself to get out of it. Even though it might mean that we are getting closer, and the conversation could lead to others which lead to him starting to like me...there is still always something stopping me.
It's like every time I cross the line of socialising with him..my mind says 'DANGER'..and I back away.
I don't know why this is suddenly starting to happen, i only noticed it in the last two days.
But I think it's because I'm scared of being hurt again.
Kaz hurt me...and I think that's because he wasn't nearly as into me as I was into him...
And Sheep isn't into me.
I want someone who after having only a few conversations with...I can click with.
Someone who shows an interest in me straight away.
Until them, I'm closing off to boys.
I wont go out of my way.
Afterall, I think I'll be happier that way...
ANYWAY! thats enough deepness from me!
I'm going to revise....BYE!
XXXXXXXXXMMG
Sunday, 13 April 2008
Brazil...
Not too sure how much time I have to write this....the computer is likely to explode in...i dunno.....2 hours.....1 minute....who knows. (the battery is low)
Things that have happened since I last posted:
#I've started to like that guy that I mentioned (you know, the one who likes Shar?...) WAY more than I did before....but Im not gonna do anything about it cause of exams =]
#I've finished literally ALL of my coursework, thank CHRIST.
#I've taken a long plane journey to the other side of the universe (Brazil)
#I'm still AT the other side of the universe
#I've seen a rather large toad.
#I've kicked the rather large toad with my toe.
#I've got an AMAZING tan which I am thouroughly proud of!!
#I've tried to calm my sexual frustration (which is getting FAR worse than it should be) by almost drowning in the sea when being tumbled by waved taller than my 2 story house.
#I've seen the HOTTEST GUY EVER, and made eyes with him, and am hoping to at least SEE him again, (which I really wont).
They are all the significant things I can remember.
Everything else is a blur really...
Oh well.
and SPAZ, i PROMISE I will start commenting on your blog when I get back, it's just I have like NO time over here :(
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Things that have happened since I last posted:
#I've started to like that guy that I mentioned (you know, the one who likes Shar?...) WAY more than I did before....but Im not gonna do anything about it cause of exams =]
#I've finished literally ALL of my coursework, thank CHRIST.
#I've taken a long plane journey to the other side of the universe (Brazil)
#I'm still AT the other side of the universe
#I've seen a rather large toad.
#I've kicked the rather large toad with my toe.
#I've got an AMAZING tan which I am thouroughly proud of!!
#I've tried to calm my sexual frustration (which is getting FAR worse than it should be) by almost drowning in the sea when being tumbled by waved taller than my 2 story house.
#I've seen the HOTTEST GUY EVER, and made eyes with him, and am hoping to at least SEE him again, (which I really wont).
They are all the significant things I can remember.
Everything else is a blur really...
Oh well.
and SPAZ, i PROMISE I will start commenting on your blog when I get back, it's just I have like NO time over here :(
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Thursday, 27 March 2008
WAY HO.
I've just finished ALL my IT coursework =]
You may have guessed that I'm in an IT lesson right now. Well, I am.
I only have about 15 mins to write this, I had a major urge.
Remember I told you about Towel?
Well, I liked him for a few days...kind of do now, but he's ridiculously shy around girls, in fact, he'll probaly get shot for it =]
So, you know me, if I have to work to hard to get something that I don't want THAT much...I'll give up, and I've now, officially given up :)
Only took me a couple of days, go me, I'm maturing. (no snide comments from Oscar thank you very much)
I'm interersted in someone else...a tiny bit, but he likes shar, and shar like him a tiny bit, but she said shes not gonna do anything about it.
I wont tell anyone about this guy, cause when I do, I always get more into them. Which wouldnt be good, cause then Shar would probaly start to like him (my luck indeed) and they'd go out and ID be the one crying in the corner. Nono, I think I'll pass on that. But, I'm sure there will be more to tell you about this guy, who BY THE WAY, is not a normal teenager...he's never been into girls until recently, but he's BLOODY hot. *sigh*
I need to concenterate on my exams which are coming up painfully soon. PAINFULLY soon.
I did well in my terminal task today though...don't know what that is??
Well, the name "terminal task" kind of says it all...we have 25 minutes to compose a peice of music 16+ bars long. I enjoyed it though, I'm actually good at that kind of thing, believe it or not.
Ha, I bet I'll get around 3 out of 30 now I've said that...
WOAH, someone just threw talc n powder all over Ginger kid...I think I called him OEL...not sure though. That someone was Towel...haha, im an idiot.
Okay, I think I'm going slightly crazy, seeing as I just saw the outline of a moustache in my head.
Kill me, kill me now. :)
LOTS OF LOVE!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
You may have guessed that I'm in an IT lesson right now. Well, I am.
I only have about 15 mins to write this, I had a major urge.
Remember I told you about Towel?
Well, I liked him for a few days...kind of do now, but he's ridiculously shy around girls, in fact, he'll probaly get shot for it =]
So, you know me, if I have to work to hard to get something that I don't want THAT much...I'll give up, and I've now, officially given up :)
Only took me a couple of days, go me, I'm maturing. (no snide comments from Oscar thank you very much)
I'm interersted in someone else...a tiny bit, but he likes shar, and shar like him a tiny bit, but she said shes not gonna do anything about it.
I wont tell anyone about this guy, cause when I do, I always get more into them. Which wouldnt be good, cause then Shar would probaly start to like him (my luck indeed) and they'd go out and ID be the one crying in the corner. Nono, I think I'll pass on that. But, I'm sure there will be more to tell you about this guy, who BY THE WAY, is not a normal teenager...he's never been into girls until recently, but he's BLOODY hot. *sigh*
I need to concenterate on my exams which are coming up painfully soon. PAINFULLY soon.
I did well in my terminal task today though...don't know what that is??
Well, the name "terminal task" kind of says it all...we have 25 minutes to compose a peice of music 16+ bars long. I enjoyed it though, I'm actually good at that kind of thing, believe it or not.
Ha, I bet I'll get around 3 out of 30 now I've said that...
WOAH, someone just threw talc n powder all over Ginger kid...I think I called him OEL...not sure though. That someone was Towel...haha, im an idiot.
Okay, I think I'm going slightly crazy, seeing as I just saw the outline of a moustache in my head.
Kill me, kill me now. :)
LOTS OF LOVE!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
Monday, 24 March 2008
I can't tell weather im in the mood to write this or not...am I?...or am I not?
Oh well, I guess I have to write it, seeing a I've got my laptop in front of me and no one worth talking to is on msn...and also...it's almost been a week since my last post, which BTW (on the subject of my last post) has no relevance to my current state of life/mind. What I mean to say, is that pay no attention to the previous post...I was in the middle of a MAHOOOSIVE mood swing and everything was upsetting me. Trust me, you don't want to know why I was so pissed off...and even if I chose to tell you, I wouldn't be able to because I'm not experiencing the emotions I would require in order to tell you...(the emotions which I was experiencing at the time of my previous blog) I can see you know PRECISELY what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I'm in a pretty good mood...I've realised I get extremely depressed and moodswingy when I havent seen any of my friends in a day...I noticed this yesterday, when I was in the house ALL day...I began to get stressed out for no reason, and I knew I had to get out of the house...so I did. And I was in a really good mood when I got out. I thik I might be addicte to socialising. Now I can't imagine this being a good thing what with all my GCSEs coming up in...about 2 months, so I'm definitely going to have to find some way of dealing with this rare teenage problem.
I'm happy now though =] BECAUSE my parents have bought me NOW thats what I call music 69 so I don't have to spend hours getting my friends to send songs to me, they also bought me the soundtrack to WiCKED the musical. And some random books. Oh, almost forgot...a music revision book so I might get higher than a D in music (i wont).
GOODBYE!!!
xxxxx MMG
Oh well, I guess I have to write it, seeing a I've got my laptop in front of me and no one worth talking to is on msn...and also...it's almost been a week since my last post, which BTW (on the subject of my last post) has no relevance to my current state of life/mind. What I mean to say, is that pay no attention to the previous post...I was in the middle of a MAHOOOSIVE mood swing and everything was upsetting me. Trust me, you don't want to know why I was so pissed off...and even if I chose to tell you, I wouldn't be able to because I'm not experiencing the emotions I would require in order to tell you...(the emotions which I was experiencing at the time of my previous blog) I can see you know PRECISELY what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I'm in a pretty good mood...I've realised I get extremely depressed and moodswingy when I havent seen any of my friends in a day...I noticed this yesterday, when I was in the house ALL day...I began to get stressed out for no reason, and I knew I had to get out of the house...so I did. And I was in a really good mood when I got out. I thik I might be addicte to socialising. Now I can't imagine this being a good thing what with all my GCSEs coming up in...about 2 months, so I'm definitely going to have to find some way of dealing with this rare teenage problem.
I'm happy now though =] BECAUSE my parents have bought me NOW thats what I call music 69 so I don't have to spend hours getting my friends to send songs to me, they also bought me the soundtrack to WiCKED the musical. And some random books. Oh, almost forgot...a music revision book so I might get higher than a D in music (i wont).
GOODBYE!!!
xxxxx MMG
Monday, 17 March 2008
What?!!?tahW
Why do guys purposefully make my life so difficult? Not anyone else's...just mine.
Anyway, going completely off the topic of guys: I'm completely over Kaz...and it feels AWESOME. Apart from the fact that I feel like a complete idiot for being on him in the first place...oh well! He doesn't speak to me anymore.
But blah blah, i went to a party this weekend and got to know this guy called...erm....Towel...okay, yeah that one did literally just come off the top of my head...but Towel it is (for those complete losers who don't know how I roll, Towel is in fact NOT his real name, but just a nickname I've decided to give him so people who I know who so rudely find some way of reading my blog without my permission don't know if im bitching about them or not..although most of them could probally guess anyway...) So yeah...Towel...we got on really well at the party and exchanged numbers...he goes to my school mut we've never really spoken before, he's quite shy...wait, I'm just going to kill my keyboard breifly...
fiheduaifhuaikjfhuaikgfluadkgh uadkgrfAgBalGHIAEHI tmkahygkadrugl\sy,ktjmyrebjmdthnvdkeghesj,fhrje,svnh dkx,xnhjdbhnv njmxbh vf kjmgb ehksaulj,fnervej,smtnfrhskjtvhndsrb gyjhmdtbg brhjmdbrhejkg hajfjnhybkrxg jd,tnhgtrj,wnherjg hjkbnj3nhegheghjeyviowuteoiymeiltk,ewukw4tbw5mu
Oh god that felt SO good!!!! I think I might have to do it again, but this time I'll delete it afterwards...
ugh again with the feeling goodness.
I don't feel like writing actually...I'll have to finish the story when I feel more inspired =]
this'll keep you waiting
NIGHT!
XXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Anyway, going completely off the topic of guys: I'm completely over Kaz...and it feels AWESOME. Apart from the fact that I feel like a complete idiot for being on him in the first place...oh well! He doesn't speak to me anymore.
But blah blah, i went to a party this weekend and got to know this guy called...erm....Towel...okay, yeah that one did literally just come off the top of my head...but Towel it is (for those complete losers who don't know how I roll, Towel is in fact NOT his real name, but just a nickname I've decided to give him so people who I know who so rudely find some way of reading my blog without my permission don't know if im bitching about them or not..although most of them could probally guess anyway...) So yeah...Towel...we got on really well at the party and exchanged numbers...he goes to my school mut we've never really spoken before, he's quite shy...wait, I'm just going to kill my keyboard breifly...
fiheduaifhuaikjfhuaikgfluadkgh uadkgrfAgBalGHIAEHI tmkahygkadrugl\sy,ktjmyrebjmdthnvdkeghesj,fhrje,svnh dkx,xnhjdbhnv njmxbh vf kjmgb ehksaulj,fnervej,smtnfrhskjtvhndsrb gyjhmdtbg brhjmdbrhejkg hajfjnhybkrxg jd,tnhgtrj,wnherjg hjkbnj3nhegheghjeyviowuteoiymeiltk,ewukw4tbw5mu
Oh god that felt SO good!!!! I think I might have to do it again, but this time I'll delete it afterwards...
ugh again with the feeling goodness.
I don't feel like writing actually...I'll have to finish the story when I feel more inspired =]
this'll keep you waiting
NIGHT!
XXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
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