Thursday, 27 March 2008


I've just finished ALL my IT coursework =]

You may have guessed that I'm in an IT lesson right now. Well, I am.

I only have about 15 mins to write this, I had a major urge.

Remember I told you about Towel?

Well, I liked him for a few days...kind of do now, but he's ridiculously shy around girls, in fact, he'll probaly get shot for it =]
So, you know me, if I have to work to hard to get something that I don't want THAT much...I'll give up, and I've now, officially given up :)
Only took me a couple of days, go me, I'm maturing. (no snide comments from Oscar thank you very much)

I'm interersted in someone else...a tiny bit, but he likes shar, and shar like him a tiny bit, but she said shes not gonna do anything about it.

I wont tell anyone about this guy, cause when I do, I always get more into them. Which wouldnt be good, cause then Shar would probaly start to like him (my luck indeed) and they'd go out and ID be the one crying in the corner. Nono, I think I'll pass on that. But, I'm sure there will be more to tell you about this guy, who BY THE WAY, is not a normal teenager...he's never been into girls until recently, but he's BLOODY hot. *sigh*

I need to concenterate on my exams which are coming up painfully soon. PAINFULLY soon.

I did well in my terminal task today though...don't know what that is??
Well, the name "terminal task" kind of says it all...we have 25 minutes to compose a peice of music 16+ bars long. I enjoyed it though, I'm actually good at that kind of thing, believe it or not.

Ha, I bet I'll get around 3 out of 30 now I've said that...

WOAH, someone just threw talc n powder all over Ginger kid...I think I called him OEL...not sure though. That someone was Towel...haha, im an idiot.

Okay, I think I'm going slightly crazy, seeing as I just saw the outline of a moustache in my head.

Kill me, kill me now. :)



Monday, 24 March 2008

I can't tell weather im in the mood to write this or I?...or am I not?
Oh well, I guess I have to write it, seeing a I've got my laptop in front of me and no one worth talking to is on msn...and's almost been a week since my last post, which BTW (on the subject of my last post) has no relevance to my current state of life/mind. What I mean to say, is that pay no attention to the previous post...I was in the middle of a MAHOOOSIVE mood swing and everything was upsetting me. Trust me, you don't want to know why I was so pissed off...and even if I chose to tell you, I wouldn't be able to because I'm not experiencing the emotions I would require in order to tell you...(the emotions which I was experiencing at the time of my previous blog) I can see you know PRECISELY what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, I'm in a pretty good mood...I've realised I get extremely depressed and moodswingy when I havent seen any of my friends in a day...I noticed this yesterday, when I was in the house ALL day...I began to get stressed out for no reason, and I knew I had to get out of the I did. And I was in a really good mood when I got out. I thik I might be addicte to socialising. Now I can't imagine this being a good thing what with all my GCSEs coming up in...about 2 months, so I'm definitely going to have to find some way of dealing with this rare teenage problem.

I'm happy now though =] BECAUSE my parents have bought me NOW thats what I call music 69 so I don't have to spend hours getting my friends to send songs to me, they also bought me the soundtrack to WiCKED the musical. And some random books. Oh, almost forgot...a music revision book so I might get higher than a D in music (i wont).

xxxxx MMG

Monday, 17 March 2008


Why do guys purposefully make my life so difficult? Not anyone else's...just mine.

Anyway, going completely off the topic of guys: I'm completely over Kaz...and it feels AWESOME. Apart from the fact that I feel like a complete idiot for being on him in the first place...oh well! He doesn't speak to me anymore.

But blah blah, i went to a party this weekend and got to know this guy called...erm....Towel...okay, yeah that one did literally just come off the top of my head...but Towel it is (for those complete losers who don't know how I roll, Towel is in fact NOT his real name, but just a nickname I've decided to give him so people who I know who so rudely find some way of reading my blog without my permission don't know if im bitching about them or not..although most of them could probally guess anyway...) So yeah...Towel...we got on really well at the party and exchanged numbers...he goes to my school mut we've never really spoken before, he's quite shy...wait, I'm just going to kill my keyboard breifly...
fiheduaifhuaikjfhuaikgfluadkgh uadkgrfAgBalGHIAEHI tmkahygkadrugl\sy,ktjmyrebjmdthnvdkeghesj,fhrje,svnh dkx,xnhjdbhnv njmxbh vf kjmgb ehksaulj,fnervej,smtnfrhskjtvhndsrb gyjhmdtbg brhjmdbrhejkg hajfjnhybkrxg jd,tnhgtrj,wnherjg hjkbnj3nhegheghjeyviowuteoiymeiltk,ewukw4tbw5mu

Oh god that felt SO good!!!! I think I might have to do it again, but this time I'll delete it afterwards...

ugh again with the feeling goodness.

I don't feel like writing actually...I'll have to finish the story when I feel more inspired =]

this'll keep you waiting



Sunday, 9 March 2008

Need to find someone new to like...any suggestions?

The show must have (just as I suspected) been SO painful for everyone in the audience, because the stage is so MAHOOSIVE, you couldn't hear any of the chorus all.

And the younger people put barely ANY effort into it whatsoever.
I was bloody sweating after my solo 'Somebody to love'...which went better than expected.

Also, everyone of my friends who said they would come came...but what's more is that everyone who said they probably wouldn't come came too...apart from Kaz (who said he would come when we were together)...but tbh, he probably wouldn't have been that supportive at the end anyway, and he's not obliged to support me why would he have come?...shut up. About half of the left side of the audience was taken up with people from my school!! Of course they didn't JUST come to see me, 'cause another one of my friends. Shar, was in it too she was SO good, we had this scene with her..(you know the last scene that I told you about?...the one I was crapping myself about?) and she filled in lines for another girl who was hopeless in that particular scene...well tbh we were all pretty hopeless compared to the rest of the show.

At the end of the show they were all screaming my name and some of them threw flowers at me...good thing too, if they'd thrown tomatoes I would have just picked one up and eaten it. oh well.

I went to a restaurant afterwards..and after that to a friend's house with quite a few other people. Everyone was telling me how 'amazing' i made me feel so buzzy. Some of them said I 'glued the show together'. HAHA two of my friends were actually crying at the end...I asked them how bad I was and they were like I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

I want to do the show again, NOW.

But today.

I want a boyfriend already, i need one...otherwise I'll get depressed, why can't you just walk up to a random hot guy and said 'Hello, would you like to be my boyfriend?'???? It's just not done, but why? I just miss having someone to go to who I can be open and affectionate to...and they can be back...Kaz wasn't very affectionate....okay shut up now.

Also, the cosmic horn is getting worse...couldn't I at least have the general horn? would be easier. I need to like someone, it makes life so much more interesting, I still like Kaz, but I'm definitely not gonna try anything, or get back together...well I might try the whole friends with benefits thing...but I doubt it will work, it would basically be the same as what it was like actually going out with him, he'll act like we're not together at school...then when we're both 'horny' it will be as if we are going out...but less.
I kind of feel like once his mother got back from India he like didn't want/need me anymore, and that was one of the reasons it all went downhill (including my extreme tendencies to moan to excess). I mean, if this was the case I think it would be quite sweet that he wanted some sort of woman in his life, to kind of look after him. But why did I have to make it me?!

I just sort of wish I hadn't got emotionally involved with him, I don't think we made a good couple, we're so different, and everyone was telling me that all along, they were all saying that they didn't think he treated me very well, and I should have listened. But oh well, I didn't.

Ugh, I really don't know how to get my point across to you few readers!

He is really nice inside, like REALLY nice,as in, helps his elderly neighbor bring her shopping into her house. And that cannot be good for his "image"
He just has a quite tough outer shell, but once you break through it he's such a lovable person.
I want to be friends with him though, not cause I still 'fancy' him, but because he's hilarious, and good to talk to. But I'm gonna leave it to him, cause blah blah he's the one who broke up with me...there are rules and I need to wait until HE's ready to start talking...but then what if I don't start a conversation with him an he thinks I'm ignoring him..then he never talks to me again? He's so confusing like that! This is quite a philosophical topic...agreed? It just keeps going.

Whatever, I just need to find something else to blog about other than Kaz.

...........this could take a while.

I think I'll go now,

Good morning!


Thursday, 6 March 2008

The Show...and the continuation of getting over Kaz.

Hm, I know it's only been a day since my last blog...but it's just so hard to keep away from my adoring fans...(sarcasm)
The real reason is that I just wanted to express my anxiousness AND excitement(...well...something in between one of those two), about the show tomorrow (tomorrow being friday)!

Just incase you, for some reason, haven't read every single one of my blogs religiously and check it every day to see if I've written another post, then you might want to know (and there is also a possibility you do not want to know, in which case, please direct your cursor to the small X in the top right hand corner of the window) about the show I'm a part of at a little stage training thingy called Stagecoach.

The show is We Will Rock You...its basically a really badly written play based around Queen songs which have been ultimately POPifyed by the beloved Ben Elton. I've got the part of Scaramouche, who's pretty much the leading character's (Galileo) sidekick/lover. Oui, I have a few solo's and I'm on stage quite a lot, so i'm pretty excited about THAT part of it...the only part I' worried about is...well....

The whole of ACT 2!!!!! =)

We've barely blocked the FINAL scene which is s'posed to be the best part of the show, the part which the whole audience are SUPPOSED to remember and leave thinking "hmm, what a fantastic show, the direction in the last scene was FABULOUS, it created a tremendous ending! I wish I could see it again!". But in fact, they will probaly be leaving thinking..." started off pretty good....but the end ruined it. Why on earth did I waste my time on this when I could have been wrapped up in a duvet eating strawberry cheescake flavoured ice cream with a long spoon, watching Shrek 2 behind a locked door? =)".

I might just be assuming the worse...but you never know!

But in the end, at least we have fun DOING the show.

I hope it turns out okay...

By the way, the Kaz situation since yesterday is pretty good, it doesn't pain me to think about him doesn't make me upset...which for some reason actually makes me stop thinking about him!!

That could always be because I haven't seen him in practically 2 weeks...which is slightly gay, cause I would actually like to stay friends with him...but if he doesn't want to I guess that's his choice. oh, and in school on tuesday....or monday...not really sure what day it was, I'm sure it won't really make a difference to the story...
he was standing outside our science room, and i went to say hello to him, and he seemed SO uneager to talk to me...i mean, fair enough...but he could at least try to be civil.

Anyway, i'm moving on now, I'm pretty much over him, it was a fun relationship while it lasted..well...some of it. And I learnt something extreamly important!
NEVER EVER listen to a guy when they tell you they think it's best if you tell them their faults...I think thats the main reason why we split up. Every time he upset me or pissed me off I would tell him about it in a really 'hello-I'm-going-to-suffocate-you-until-you-become-the-perfect-boyfriend-for-me" kind of way. I started getting pretty pathetic towards the end...I just got really moanie and didn't think of how that might make him feel...I allowed myself to get upset too easily.
He toughened me up a lot though, I'm don't regret our relationship now, thinking about it I really did learn a lot.

I'm gonna be a good girlfriend next time I find someone...hopefully!!! (which I wont, because I've decided to just lao guys unless they come to going out of my way for any guy from now on....unless im in a relationship.)

But unfortunately..the cosmic horn is starting up again, and there's no one to take it out on. I'm SO sexually frustrated. Hmm I'll just call Kaz-.....WAIT, he'll get freaked out nd hang up. (even though he doesn't have a phone atm...)..yeah, actually, sorry to moan on at you, but is it normal to still be extremley attracted to your ex about a month after they break up with you?? Well it isn't for me, but for some reason it's happening. My imagination's getting carried away every time I see him...too much information?...I think not!!

I wonder what he'd say if I suggested being friends with benefits...not even friends...perhaps just two people who go to the same school who never talk with outside of school benefits...hmm...I know what I'd say if he asked me :D
If he wasn't oh so intimidating I would suggest it....oh well.

hahaa, I'm a pathetic freak who's turning into a pathetic geek with a very large sex drive!!

oh.....AND I'm working in school!

The only problem right now is that my cat has done a rather large poo behind the kitchen door...oh well, life's good!



Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Panic Attacks

Something very strange and unlike me is happening.

I'm beginning to fully concentrate in school...i'm still not completely over Kaz and I hate that, so I guess I'm just putting all my anger, depression and....depression into thought (about work) or exercise (either performance or something ridiculous like P.E or swimming). And it's paining me, it's good at the time, especially right afterwards when I realise i've spent a whole lesson not thinking bout Kaz...then of course, I realise that everything I had just achieved in the past hour has just been wasted in those few seconds where my mind switches back to Kaz.

But anyway, I went way off topic, what I was attempting to write, was that when I get home after my drama rehearsals which occur every day religiously, after school, I'm always in chronic amounts of both physical AND mental pain from working harder than any human teenager who hasn't been to a private school should.
For example, yesterday I was so caught up in forcing myself to stop thinking about Kaz, so I actually decided to do loads of homework, then go swimming. Either I'm maturing more than I would like to, I'm becoming clinically depressed/dying, or the rift between time and space has been opened, and the top left hand corner of my brain has been taken over by a small, alien wasp type creature who is controlling my every move.
I, personally, think the last explanation is the most likely by far. Don't you?

Anyway, I've got to go now, I need to go to sleep. Uhuh, at 8pm. This is what Kaz has done to me.
ACTUALLY, I've just remembered something which you readers might actually find either interesting, or disturbing.

I've been having these panic/anxiety attacks lately...not too sure whats causing them, but the first one started in maths, I'd almost completely finished the work...before anyone else...(just another example of my new wasp-operated brain's hardworkingness) and suddenly a HUGE shot of adrenaline went up me, and i got a really bad headache, honestly, it felt as if I was being used as a bulldozer (my head that is...) my lips and hands went numb, I got butterflies in my stomach (and can I just say, it was very rude of them to enter without being invited before hand) and I couldn't breath properly. So the teacher asked me if I was okay and I said can I go and get a drink of he said 'no, you can go to the medical room', so I went downstairs and outside to get some fresh air, and called my mother to ask her if she could help me calm down. She could, of course, she's very good at that sort of thing. So I described my symptoms(although I'm not sure she actually heard ANYTHING I said, cause I was in such a panic), and she told me to breath slowly and blah blah I can feel this getting boring.

Basically, I went to my next lesson, almost died again, then went to the medical room, sat in there for a bit with my face in a pillow...I was in tears...but I didn't want anyone to see so I practically forced myself upon a pillow, which seemed very happy to ingest me at the time, but found it rather difficult to let go when I realised I was being suffocated and had to get out.
I was really shaky for the rest of the day, and for hours afterwards I had a really strange ringing sensation in my ears...spooky stuff.

So yeah, I've had a couple of these over that last few days, not nice at all, I need to train my antibodies to fight these horrible attacks off....but is that even possible?

Thankyou for wasting my time!!! I'm going to sleep now, BYE!!