Thursday, 28 January 2010

I HATE ex-boyfriends and Lions.

Curly and I have become one. <---- Which is something I would say if I was as soppy and pathetic as I used to be.

By 'one', I mean that we are a couple...even on FACEBOOK (it's only official if it's on facebook...).

It happened pretty was last Friday night, we decided we might as well become a couple seeing as there was nothing stopping us and the whole thing was basically inevitable.


He's very sweet (but not too sweet...he doesn't talk about taking me to the moon in a bubble...if he did, I would rip all of his hair out one strand at a time. Then he would no longer be worthy of the name 'Curly')...and good looking...

He came to my house yesterday morning at 8am before college and made me a cooked breakfast.

THAT is commitment.

...The only problem in my life NOW is my ex-boyfriend who i went out with for just under two months in between me and Bape breaking up and getting back together.

When I broke up with him, he seemed to take it very well...yet he still texted me all day every day until about two days ago when I basically told him to BUGGER OFF,

And he STILL texts me...just not as much.

I basically can't go on Facebook chat anymore, for when I do, he talks to me AS SOON as I sign on. Which means that he sits there looking at the list at the side of the page just waiting for me to come online.

That is screwed up.

He told me he loved me, which is ridiculous because we only went out for a very short period of time and only saw each other on weekends...and for some strange reason he seems to think the feeling is mutual; he thinks I love him too.

He has actually turned into one of those psycho ex-boyfriends. He added Curly on facebook and sent him a message saying not to worry and that things wont be awkward between them.

There are many many problems with that. The two most important being that:

1. Curly lives in Oxford (the same city as me) and goes to my college, whereas Ex-Boyfriend (who from here on will be called Lion) lives in Winchester, so they wouldn't exactly be bumping into each it couldn't be awkward.


So Lion is clearly a psycho.

When I first met him, I thought he was a really rational guy. Even though he's spent most of his life at boarding schools, he didn't seem to be at all arrogant.

But lately I've been beginning to realise just how much of an arrogant bastard he is. He keeps trying to flirt with me and trying to get him to have sexual conversations with him like over text or facebook (not since I got this new boyfriend, but while I was back together with Bape he was...and obviously I'd just be like er....F off?. He's not even remotely attractive. And he's always going on about how much he knows about posh wine, and always talks about his 'rich boy' experiences at Bryneston. I just hate how cocky he's been lately.

I do feel quite bad though...I mean at the time I thought I genuinely liked him a lot..but I guess he was just a major rebound.

I haven't actually been horrible to him, but there's only so much comforting that I can do.
I can't keep constantly being nice to him, because I don't want him to think that there's ANY chance of us getting back together. 'cause there REALLY isn't.

Also...something which is quite creepy...he keeps changing his facebook statuses to the kind of thing I change mine black books quotes etc. And I can just tell he's doing loads of things or like changing himself in ways that makes him more like me.

So this means either that he wants to do anything he can to get me back...or he wants to BE me.

Now I sound arrogant...I'm not trying to...this is just GENUINELY what he's been doing.

And he's been talking to one of my friends...and she says that he always finds a way to steer the conversation into talking about me.

I'm just getting a bit freaked out now.

Ugh there's still half an hour left of this free...seriously cannot be bothered to do anything but sit in silence...and I'm so tired today.

OH..and I've had my braces tightened...and they hurt so much =[

Anyway...I think I've killed a sufficient amount of time.

Good Bye.


Thursday, 21 January 2010

Hey look!! I'm NOT dead!!

RIGHT well...

Much has changed since I last bored you with cringeworthy nonsense.

1. Me and Bape have since broken up.

2. I messed up my ASs BIG TIME (DDDC)

3. Moved to a school which is actually worthy of the name 'school'...except it's a 6th form not technically a school.

4. I'm retaking my ASs here...(at a place where the education is payed for by the parents, rather than the bloody government).

5. I'm predicted all As here, which is amazing for me.

6. I've started to enjoy working more than being cosmically horned.

7. I got a new boyfriend who I broke up with when Bape came back from uni for xmas hols.

8. Realised we were still in love, so got back together.

9. We broke up the day after he left to go back...not because I don't love him, just simply because LAO having a long distance relationship with someone who doesn't want to marry me, nor do I wish to marry him.

10. Very interested in someone I'm going to refer to as Curly (I've pretty much accepted that I'm the only person who reads this blog, but its very relaxing to write it, so let me call people whatever the hell I want, OKAY?)

Due to my (non-existent) OCD, I'm gonna just stick with 10 life changes...rather than go to 11.

I've started being very much more mature with my life decisions (ie. deciding to move schools instead of retaking where I would end up with possibly even worse grades). So mature, in fact, that I am actually able to refer to myself as more mature than I used to be...which is a start.

This is going to be a fairly short post, as opposed to some of my painfully long posts where I do nothing more than ramble on about my love life...which at the time (this time last year) was very (way too) consistent.

(Plato, however, may argue that erotic relationships cannot be consistant, because they exist in the physical world, rather than the world of the forms) I have no idea what all these philosophical geezers were on when they came up with these proposterous ideas, but I want some! Descartes got all his knowledge and ideas from spending a prolonged time in the oven...although any time in an oven is far longer than than it should be, if you're a human. Ovens, I'll have you know, were not designed for the cooking or 'meditation' rooms of mankind, but rather the cooking of edible substances which would not give you the name 'canibal' if you were to eat them...hmm.

OH SEE?! I'm rambling again, I promised myself i wouldnt.



Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Helo again.

My my has been a paaaiiiinful few months for me...but now it's over.

I've finished my AS exams (thank CHRIIIST) and now have time to focus on my self-improvement (ie. re-learn the violin, make myself appear to be interlectual to others to prepare myself for Uni the year after next...etc.)

I could never bring myself to write my blog, I always felt there was something more productive to do like watch trashy TV, complete long overdue homework and revise, and most importantly see and entertain Bape (who I am still happily in a relationship with).

It has been a grand total of 9 monthhs...almost 10...since we've been together =]
It's had its ups and downs...and major downs...but we've kept it up and we're still in love and its almost perfect. Apart from that inzy winzy detail that he's GOING TO UNIVERSITY IN OCTOBER!!!!! and leaving me with my friends...(most of which haven't matured since the end of GCSEs).

This has been the cause of all sorts of terrors for me...I went through a mild depression stage where I cried myself to sleep each night, thinking about the last time I kiss him before he goes...but now i've just got used to it, and there's no point having regrets. Even though it means a lot of pain which, potentially could have been avoided, but I'm glad to have had this experience.

I think I have, dare I say it...matured.

a bit...

Instead of letting us have a holiday after exams, we've gone straight into learning stuff for A2s for a month before summer holidays which SUCKS.

And Bape has finished school forever...which, for me, feels weird, and so so sad.
I don't know how it will be next year, I'm trying to think of all these ways of filling the gap he leaves, but I think it's going to be a lot harder than that.

At least I get to spend the summer with him, I mean, he's going to Cornwall next week to celebrate end of school with his friends, while I'm stuck in school...learning. In the rain.
But in the holidays, almost straight after we finish school, I'm going to Bahrain with him, and that will be the best week of my life so far...i hope...but it's just that summer holidays go so bloody fast...and when it's the IS the end.

My life will be totally different,and I just don't know how i'm going to take it.

I thought it might be easy to write this seeing as I haven't cried about it for so long, but as I'm typing teardrops are hitting the keyboard...crap.

It's not even a bit deal, him going, at least it doesn't seem like it should be, just imagining meeting him in like 10 years time when we've both totally moved on makes me so...angryupsetconfusedirritatedandhelpless. (yes, that is one word)

Will we stay in contact all through out uni? Will he get a girlfriend his first year? Will I even want to look at another guy for...god knows how long...?

I can't be depressed, Bape finishes his exams tomorrow and I have to be there to cheer him on...because i love him and im amazing =]


Wednesday, 10 December 2008


I had my mock psychology exam yesterday...
I spent like 3 evenings revising...and it turned out fine. I didn't struggle...I answered all the questions and I think that there is a problem because I actually seem to have done well?!

Now, we must remember that I'm the sort of person who will say this kind of thing and later find out that I FAILED MISERABLY.

Anyway, that's taken a huge weight off my chest...although, unfortunately there's still an annoyingly heavy weight still there.
And no, shut up, i am not talking about my boobs. I'm talking about the exam I have to revise for through the WHOLE of the Christmas holidays. My ACTUAL psychology exam. Which means revising everything, not just the list of things my teacher told us to revise when she knew exactly what would be on the mock paper.

In fact, I feel like boring you all with a long list of things bothering me in my life at the moment.

1. I've just put a check for £100 in my bank account, and soon after realised that most of it will have to be spent on xmas presents for my family, Oscar AND Bape. How annoying.

2. * **** ******!!!!!! Which I'm so annoyed about that I cannot even physically type it up.

3. I have an exam to revise for.

4. My music teacher keeps not turning up to lessons, which will result in my epic failure.

5. There are going to be total strangers (oscar and his girlfriend) in my house for 9 days of the christmas holidays, and yes, I guess I'm looking forward to seeing Oscar, but I don't think he realises how small our house is, and that it will certainly explode trying to contain 6 people plus Bape, who is usually here...and that makes is 7 people. Oh God.

6. I want more clothes.

7. I feel like I'm failing in life.

The above, just incase you fell asleep as you were reading them and need me to remind you what they were, describes how terrible my life is, and how all of you don't realise how lucky you actually are.

On the brighter side, there are a few ACTUAL good things in my life =0

1. I have a boyfriend, who I love, who loves me. And that's awesome.

2. erm...

3......oh christ my life really is crap isn't it.

Oh well. I'm sure it will get better once i get an A in my psychology AS.....which I wont.

And Bape, no complaining that you weren't mentioned in this post, because that would mean you hadn't ready it properly, which would mean I'd have to hit you.

Love you =]


Monday, 1 December 2008

Philisophical Blabber

I'm really enjoying philosophy.

I realised that today when I got really into a discussion about Descartes' cogito and idea about Dualism.

Those of you who don't know, (hopefully not many of you do, because then that would mean I know more than some others =]) 'Cogito ergo Sum' is latin for "I think therefore I am"...which is a statement brought up by some dude called Descartes who wrote a series of 'Meditations'/book kind of thingies, while he was locked in an oven.

Christ knows why he was locked in an oven...something to do with a cold winter...?

If you ask me, the whole oven thing kind of goes hand in hand with some of the phsycotic stuff Descartes came up with...

So yeah....back to the statement "I think therefore I am...".

I'm probably getting most of this wrong by the way, but remember, this blog, as well as being my life TO THE LETTER, is a slightly fictionalised version of my life, which, in my world, means that anything I write here doesn't actually have to be correct. For all you know, everything I'm saying could be a lie...

for all you know, you might not even exist...that's what Descartes said.
Somewhere within his stream of consciousness ('Meditations'), he wrote that we can doubt anything and everything; that we can even doubt our own existence...
but that the very fact that we can even DOUBT our existence...or anything for that matter, proves that we do exist.... in some form....
So, here comes that well known phrase that everyone knows.
The phrase that I mentioned before.
You know, the one that if I were to say it (which I already have, earlier on in this post), many people would think 'oh yeah, I've heard that before')
That one which talks about thinking therefore being.

"I think, therefore I am"

Now isn't that bloody interesting.


Dualism time =]

Dualism then, is the idea that our mind and body can actually be separated, but you would still be the same person...

I think... you were to take your mind (not brain, but mind) out of your body, your mind would be able to live on, as the same person. Descartes also said that "it's possible to imagine oneself without a body...but it is impossible to imagine oneself without a mind" <---- this statement could be seen as partly true i guess....but if you think more into it...what is there to imagine if we don't have a body...nothingness?

Some might agree with the idea of Dualism, (weirdos) and say that 'your mind/personality makes you who you are' sweet.
But some (like me) might disagree and say, "Well, Descartes, nice idea, but it's pretty crap if you really think about it... imagine yourself without your that even possible? If we were just our minds, and not our minds together with our body...then how the hell would we see things in the same way? How on earth would we experience things in the same way? And what happens if we're intoxicated?...surely everyone knows that our mind has an intimate connection to our brain...what happens when we're upset?...WE CRY...and why do we cry?...because of some nonsense that happens in the brain! Didn't think about that one, DID'CHA?"

Yeah, my neck hurts, too much philosophical thinking.

Maybe i'm gonna end up good at philosophy....maybe I can write my own meditations, but I don't think I'd fit in the oven...

Perhaps the fridge?

Nono, I don't think theres even anything more to philosophise (a word?) over anymore....there have been too many people with weird names.

At least I have a normal name.

(just so you know...Moanie Miss Groanie isn't actually my real name, anyone who thought that it was, is an idiot.)

Maybe my mum would find it easier if she were to start writing in the oven, she might get all of her books done by winter the end of winter!

I think I should go now.

Something is wrong.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG

Friday, 14 November 2008

Anger and Love

You know what?

Forget the last post...I basically don't write my I also basically don't read other blogs...
so forget it =]

Anything new?...not that I can talk about.

Things still going good with Bape...

Lately I've been having major anger/tear outbursts...and the tinyest things keep making me cry.
You know when you're a boy (this is something I have never experienced), you get angry and want to hit people and take out your 9inch dagger? Yes?
Well when you're a girl, anger makes you upset (well, makes me upset...).
But lately I've been getting a similar feeling to male anger...I start snapping at people, and want to hit, and shout and scream.

I know it's probaly my hormones being messed about from being on the pill, but it's confusing and upsetting me a lot, and must be extremley difficult for Bape to deal with.

But he's sweet to me, he seems to understand, and doesnt snap back at me, he just takes it in, and gives me a hug and tells me everything is going to be okay.

I don't know how he knows this is the correct thing to do about you're girlfriend's mood swings...he's never had a girlfriend before me, just flings...

If you're male and you're reading this, here's a word of advice:

When a your girlfriend/sister/daughter is crying or angry or upset about something small, that can only sort istelf out...DON'T TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
Just hug her and tell her it will be okay, that's all we need.

I learnt this from my mum.

She told me about how her mother was crying and upset once, and my mum didn't know what to do about it, but then my mother's grandmother just went right up to my mum's mother, and gave her a squeeze.

Sounds complicated (probaly from the repetition of 'mother' and 'mum'), but it's true...girls are said to be ridiculously complex...but really...we're some ways.

I'm not too good at explaining myself, especially when I'm writing from school. I have no quiet time to think...around me are hooligans, looking over my shoulder, laughing, singing Katie Perry's 'I kissed a girl' at the top of their voices. Annoying, and hard to concenterate on my feelings.

This blog started out not being about feelings, but being a place where I can say sarcastic things about my friends and family.

Maybe it's important for me to write my feelings down rather than bore other people who haven't CHOSEN to hear them (like you readers...not that there are any...).

More about me and Bape:

We spend SO much time together, and when we're not in the same room, we're either on the phone, texting, on msn or thinking about eachother...which usually leads to texting or calling or going on msn.

Is this normal? Or is it just standard young love?

His friends get pissed off with it all, and are always telling him they miss him and he spends too much time with me.

But he doesn't seem to care that much...I think he pretends to, because he should, but we haven't started seeing eachother less...although we should, because he's got like 75897580 A2 exams after the xmas hols.

My friends are really nice about it, they say they miss not seeing me as much, but that they're really happy for me, and Bape told me how one of my friends had gone up to him and told him about how happy he's made me. =]

I am SO in love.



Tuesday, 21 October 2008

"it's all about me"...?

^^ the title...i copied that from MG's blog =]

She told me to take this random quiz thing...not quite sure how im supposed to use it...

My mother, MG, tagged me. This is how it works: Display the award. Link back to the person who gave you this award. Nominate at least 7 other blogs. Put links to those blogs on your blog. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated. You can only answer in one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? Bag

2. Where is your significant other? Maths

3. Your hair color? Brown

4. Your mother? Writing

5. Your father? Working

6. Your favourite thing? Boys...

7. Your dream last night? Forfilling

8. Your dream/goal? Stage

9. The room you’re in? Commonroom

10. Your hobby? Performing

11. Your fear? Spiders

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Engaged

13. Where were you last night? bed

14. What you’re not? Obease

15. One of your wish-list items? Money?!

16. Where you grew up? Oxford

17. The last thing you did? Laughed

18. What are you wearing? Green

19. Your TV? Standard.

20. Your pet? Psychotic

21. Your computer? School's

22. Your mood? Content.

23. Missing someone? Boyfriend

24. Your car? Dad's

25. Something you’re not wearing? Coat.

26. Favourite store? Bonnie

27. Your summer? Ok.

28. Love someone? Totally.

29. Your favorite color? Green

30. When is the last time you laughed? seconds

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

People I plan to tag...i'm not going to tag seven...because I don't actually know of seven blogs...and I would be lying to say that I liked them...if I had never read them...

MG Harris, Chu, Spazology...hmm...that's 3...

Oh well! I'll make links to them later...right now I'm about to go home..I'm in a free period at school...because we have them now =] being in 6thform and all!
Just incase you're wondering..things are going very well with me and Bape...very well...we're experiencing tennage love...we're ALWAYS together...hate being apart...practically live together...
In love...
2 months on friday!...