I had my mock psychology exam yesterday...
I spent like 3 evenings revising...and it turned out fine. I didn't struggle...I answered all the questions and I think that there is a problem because I actually seem to have done well?!
Now, we must remember that I'm the sort of person who will say this kind of thing and later find out that I FAILED MISERABLY.
Anyway, that's taken a huge weight off my chest...although, unfortunately there's still an annoyingly heavy weight still there.
And no, shut up, i am not talking about my boobs. I'm talking about the exam I have to revise for through the WHOLE of the Christmas holidays. My ACTUAL psychology exam. Which means revising everything, not just the list of things my teacher told us to revise when she knew exactly what would be on the mock paper.
In fact, I feel like boring you all with a long list of things bothering me in my life at the moment.
1. I've just put a check for £100 in my bank account, and soon after realised that most of it will have to be spent on xmas presents for my family, Oscar AND Bape. How annoying.
2. * **** ******!!!!!! Which I'm so annoyed about that I cannot even physically type it up.
3. I have an exam to revise for.
4. My music teacher keeps not turning up to lessons, which will result in my epic failure.
5. There are going to be total strangers (oscar and his girlfriend) in my house for 9 days of the christmas holidays, and yes, I guess I'm looking forward to seeing Oscar, but I don't think he realises how small our house is, and that it will certainly explode trying to contain 6 people plus Bape, who is usually here...and that makes is 7 people. Oh God.
6. I want more clothes.
7. I feel like I'm failing in life.
The above, just incase you fell asleep as you were reading them and need me to remind you what they were, describes how terrible my life is, and how all of you don't realise how lucky you actually are.
On the brighter side, there are a few ACTUAL good things in my life =0
1. I have a boyfriend, who I love, who loves me. And that's awesome.
2. erm...
3......oh christ my life really is crap isn't it.
Oh well. I'm sure it will get better once i get an A in my psychology AS.....which I wont.
And Bape, no complaining that you weren't mentioned in this post, because that would mean you hadn't ready it properly, which would mean I'd have to hit you.
Love you =]
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Wednesday 10 December 2008
Monday 1 December 2008
Philisophical Blabber
I'm really enjoying philosophy.
I realised that today when I got really into a discussion about Descartes' cogito and idea about Dualism.
Those of you who don't know, (hopefully not many of you do, because then that would mean I know more than some others =]) 'Cogito ergo Sum' is latin for "I think therefore I am"...which is a statement brought up by some dude called Descartes who wrote a series of 'Meditations'/book kind of thingies, while he was locked in an oven.
Christ knows why he was locked in an oven...something to do with a cold winter...?
If you ask me, the whole oven thing kind of goes hand in hand with some of the phsycotic stuff Descartes came up with...
So yeah....back to the statement "I think therefore I am...".
I'm probably getting most of this wrong by the way, but remember, this blog, as well as being my life TO THE LETTER, is a slightly fictionalised version of my life, which, in my world, means that anything I write here doesn't actually have to be correct. For all you know, everything I'm saying could be a lie...
for all you know, you might not even exist...that's what Descartes said.
Somewhere within his stream of consciousness ('Meditations'), he wrote that we can doubt anything and everything; that we can even doubt our own existence...
but that the very fact that we can even DOUBT our existence...or anything for that matter, proves that we do exist.... in some form....
So, here comes that well known phrase that everyone knows.
The phrase that I mentioned before.
You know, the one that if I were to say it (which I already have, earlier on in this post), many people would think 'oh yeah, I've heard that before')
That one which talks about thinking therefore being.
"I think, therefore I am"
Now isn't that bloody interesting.
Awesome.
Dualism time =]
Dualism then, is the idea that our mind and body can actually be separated, but you would still be the same person...
I think...
So...like....if you were to take your mind (not brain, but mind) out of your body, your mind would be able to live on, as the same person. Descartes also said that "it's possible to imagine oneself without a body...but it is impossible to imagine oneself without a mind" <---- this statement could be seen as partly true i guess....but if you think more into it...what is there to imagine if we don't have a body...nothingness?
?
Some might agree with the idea of Dualism, (weirdos) and say that 'your mind/personality makes you who you are'...how sweet.
But some (like me) might disagree and say, "Well, Descartes, nice idea, but it's pretty crap if you really think about it... imagine yourself without your body...is that even possible? If we were just our minds, and not our minds together with our body...then how the hell would we see things in the same way? How on earth would we experience things in the same way? And what happens if we're intoxicated?...surely everyone knows that our mind has an intimate connection to our brain...what happens when we're upset?...WE CRY...and why do we cry?...because of some nonsense that happens in the brain! Didn't think about that one, DID'CHA?"
Yeah, my neck hurts, too much philosophical thinking.
Maybe i'm gonna end up good at philosophy....maybe I can write my own meditations, but I don't think I'd fit in the oven...
Perhaps the fridge?
Nono, I don't think theres even anything more to philosophise (a word?) over anymore....there have been too many people with weird names.
At least I have a normal name.
(just so you know...Moanie Miss Groanie isn't actually my real name, anyone who thought that it was, is an idiot.)
Maybe my mum would find it easier if she were to start writing in the oven, she might get all of her books done by winter the end of winter!
I think I should go now.
Something is wrong.
Night!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG
I realised that today when I got really into a discussion about Descartes' cogito and idea about Dualism.
Those of you who don't know, (hopefully not many of you do, because then that would mean I know more than some others =]) 'Cogito ergo Sum' is latin for "I think therefore I am"...which is a statement brought up by some dude called Descartes who wrote a series of 'Meditations'/book kind of thingies, while he was locked in an oven.
Christ knows why he was locked in an oven...something to do with a cold winter...?
If you ask me, the whole oven thing kind of goes hand in hand with some of the phsycotic stuff Descartes came up with...
So yeah....back to the statement "I think therefore I am...".
I'm probably getting most of this wrong by the way, but remember, this blog, as well as being my life TO THE LETTER, is a slightly fictionalised version of my life, which, in my world, means that anything I write here doesn't actually have to be correct. For all you know, everything I'm saying could be a lie...
for all you know, you might not even exist...that's what Descartes said.
Somewhere within his stream of consciousness ('Meditations'), he wrote that we can doubt anything and everything; that we can even doubt our own existence...
but that the very fact that we can even DOUBT our existence...or anything for that matter, proves that we do exist.... in some form....
So, here comes that well known phrase that everyone knows.
The phrase that I mentioned before.
You know, the one that if I were to say it (which I already have, earlier on in this post), many people would think 'oh yeah, I've heard that before')
That one which talks about thinking therefore being.
"I think, therefore I am"
Now isn't that bloody interesting.
Awesome.
Dualism time =]
Dualism then, is the idea that our mind and body can actually be separated, but you would still be the same person...
I think...
So...like....if you were to take your mind (not brain, but mind) out of your body, your mind would be able to live on, as the same person. Descartes also said that "it's possible to imagine oneself without a body...but it is impossible to imagine oneself without a mind" <---- this statement could be seen as partly true i guess....but if you think more into it...what is there to imagine if we don't have a body...nothingness?
?
Some might agree with the idea of Dualism, (weirdos) and say that 'your mind/personality makes you who you are'...how sweet.
But some (like me) might disagree and say, "Well, Descartes, nice idea, but it's pretty crap if you really think about it... imagine yourself without your body...is that even possible? If we were just our minds, and not our minds together with our body...then how the hell would we see things in the same way? How on earth would we experience things in the same way? And what happens if we're intoxicated?...surely everyone knows that our mind has an intimate connection to our brain...what happens when we're upset?...WE CRY...and why do we cry?...because of some nonsense that happens in the brain! Didn't think about that one, DID'CHA?"
Yeah, my neck hurts, too much philosophical thinking.
Maybe i'm gonna end up good at philosophy....maybe I can write my own meditations, but I don't think I'd fit in the oven...
Perhaps the fridge?
Nono, I don't think theres even anything more to philosophise (a word?) over anymore....there have been too many people with weird names.
At least I have a normal name.
(just so you know...Moanie Miss Groanie isn't actually my real name, anyone who thought that it was, is an idiot.)
Maybe my mum would find it easier if she were to start writing in the oven, she might get all of her books done by winter the end of winter!
I think I should go now.
Something is wrong.
Night!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MMG
Friday 14 November 2008
Anger and Love
You know what?
Forget the last post...I basically don't write my blog....so I also basically don't read other blogs...
so forget it =]
Anything new?...not that I can talk about.
Things still going good with Bape...
Lately I've been having major anger/tear outbursts...and the tinyest things keep making me cry.
You know when you're a boy (this is something I have never experienced), you get angry and want to hit people and take out your 9inch dagger? Yes?
Well when you're a girl, anger makes you upset (well, makes me upset...).
But lately I've been getting a similar feeling to male anger...I start snapping at people, and want to hit, and shout and scream.
I know it's probaly my hormones being messed about from being on the pill, but it's confusing and upsetting me a lot, and must be extremley difficult for Bape to deal with.
But he's sweet to me, he seems to understand, and doesnt snap back at me, he just takes it in, and gives me a hug and tells me everything is going to be okay.
I don't know how he knows this is the correct thing to do about you're girlfriend's mood swings...he's never had a girlfriend before me, just flings...
If you're male and you're reading this, here's a word of advice:
When a your girlfriend/sister/daughter is crying or angry or upset about something small, that can only sort istelf out...DON'T TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
Just hug her and tell her it will be okay, that's all we need.
I learnt this from my mum.
She told me about how her mother was crying and upset once, and my mum didn't know what to do about it, but then my mother's grandmother just went right up to my mum's mother, and gave her a squeeze.
Sounds complicated (probaly from the repetition of 'mother' and 'mum'), but it's true...girls are said to be ridiculously complex...but really...we're not...in some ways.
I'm not too good at explaining myself, especially when I'm writing from school. I have no quiet time to think...around me are hooligans, looking over my shoulder, laughing, singing Katie Perry's 'I kissed a girl' at the top of their voices. Annoying, and hard to concenterate on my feelings.
This blog started out not being about feelings, but being a place where I can say sarcastic things about my friends and family.
Maybe it's important for me to write my feelings down rather than bore other people who haven't CHOSEN to hear them (like you readers...not that there are any...).
More about me and Bape:
We spend SO much time together, and when we're not in the same room, we're either on the phone, texting, on msn or thinking about eachother...which usually leads to texting or calling or going on msn.
Is this normal? Or is it just standard young love?
His friends get pissed off with it all, and are always telling him they miss him and he spends too much time with me.
But he doesn't seem to care that much...I think he pretends to, because he should, but we haven't started seeing eachother less...although we should, because he's got like 75897580 A2 exams after the xmas hols.
My friends are really nice about it, they say they miss not seeing me as much, but that they're really happy for me, and Bape told me how one of my friends had gone up to him and told him about how happy he's made me. =]
I am SO in love.
BYE NOW
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Forget the last post...I basically don't write my blog....so I also basically don't read other blogs...
so forget it =]
Anything new?...not that I can talk about.
Things still going good with Bape...
Lately I've been having major anger/tear outbursts...and the tinyest things keep making me cry.
You know when you're a boy (this is something I have never experienced), you get angry and want to hit people and take out your 9inch dagger? Yes?
Well when you're a girl, anger makes you upset (well, makes me upset...).
But lately I've been getting a similar feeling to male anger...I start snapping at people, and want to hit, and shout and scream.
I know it's probaly my hormones being messed about from being on the pill, but it's confusing and upsetting me a lot, and must be extremley difficult for Bape to deal with.
But he's sweet to me, he seems to understand, and doesnt snap back at me, he just takes it in, and gives me a hug and tells me everything is going to be okay.
I don't know how he knows this is the correct thing to do about you're girlfriend's mood swings...he's never had a girlfriend before me, just flings...
If you're male and you're reading this, here's a word of advice:
When a your girlfriend/sister/daughter is crying or angry or upset about something small, that can only sort istelf out...DON'T TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
Just hug her and tell her it will be okay, that's all we need.
I learnt this from my mum.
She told me about how her mother was crying and upset once, and my mum didn't know what to do about it, but then my mother's grandmother just went right up to my mum's mother, and gave her a squeeze.
Sounds complicated (probaly from the repetition of 'mother' and 'mum'), but it's true...girls are said to be ridiculously complex...but really...we're not...in some ways.
I'm not too good at explaining myself, especially when I'm writing from school. I have no quiet time to think...around me are hooligans, looking over my shoulder, laughing, singing Katie Perry's 'I kissed a girl' at the top of their voices. Annoying, and hard to concenterate on my feelings.
This blog started out not being about feelings, but being a place where I can say sarcastic things about my friends and family.
Maybe it's important for me to write my feelings down rather than bore other people who haven't CHOSEN to hear them (like you readers...not that there are any...).
More about me and Bape:
We spend SO much time together, and when we're not in the same room, we're either on the phone, texting, on msn or thinking about eachother...which usually leads to texting or calling or going on msn.
Is this normal? Or is it just standard young love?
His friends get pissed off with it all, and are always telling him they miss him and he spends too much time with me.
But he doesn't seem to care that much...I think he pretends to, because he should, but we haven't started seeing eachother less...although we should, because he's got like 75897580 A2 exams after the xmas hols.
My friends are really nice about it, they say they miss not seeing me as much, but that they're really happy for me, and Bape told me how one of my friends had gone up to him and told him about how happy he's made me. =]
I am SO in love.
BYE NOW
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Tuesday 21 October 2008
"it's all about me"...?
^^ the title...i copied that from MG's blog =]
She told me to take this random quiz thing...not quite sure how im supposed to use it...
My mother, MG, tagged me. This is how it works: Display the award. Link back to the person who gave you this award. Nominate at least 7 other blogs. Put links to those blogs on your blog. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated. You can only answer in one word.
1. Where is your cell phone? Bag
2. Where is your significant other? Maths
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Writing
5. Your father? Working
6. Your favourite thing? Boys...
7. Your dream last night? Forfilling
8. Your dream/goal? Stage
9. The room you’re in? Commonroom
10. Your hobby? Performing
11. Your fear? Spiders
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Engaged
13. Where were you last night? bed
14. What you’re not? Obease
15. One of your wish-list items? Money?!
16. Where you grew up? Oxford
17. The last thing you did? Laughed
18. What are you wearing? Green
19. Your TV? Standard.
20. Your pet? Psychotic
21. Your computer? School's
22. Your mood? Content.
23. Missing someone? Boyfriend
24. Your car? Dad's
25. Something you’re not wearing? Coat.
26. Favourite store? Bonnie
27. Your summer? Ok.
28. Love someone? Totally.
29. Your favorite color? Green
30. When is the last time you laughed? seconds
31. Last time you cried? Yesterday
People I plan to tag...i'm not going to tag seven...because I don't actually know of seven blogs...and I would be lying to say that I liked them...if I had never read them...
MG Harris, Chu, Spazology...hmm...that's 3...
Oh well! I'll make links to them later...right now I'm about to go home..I'm in a free period at school...because we have them now =] being in 6thform and all!
Just incase you're wondering..things are going very well with me and Bape...very well...we're experiencing tennage love...we're ALWAYS together...hate being apart...practically live together...
In love...
already....
2 months on friday!...
MMG XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Monday 8 September 2008
Photo.
Look ------>
I put a picture up...now you have a slight insight to what I look like.
I say 'slight' because it has been edited a bit...
Right, why am I choosing this particular moment to blog?
Because I've had something on my mind all day.
The thing I have on my mind:
Me and Bape are still together...but here come the problems...well...not a big problem, it just feels like it should be a problem.
I spent a few weeks (the only 2 and a half weeks we've been together) wondering what was wrong with him.
Nothing is wrong with him...at least I thought...
His ONLY flaw, and it's not even that much of a flaw, is that he is so sexually driven...
We haven't actually had sex, I've decided I'm not going to lose my virginity until I'm in love.
We've done everything else though...already.
I'd prefer to blog this rather than tell people, cause I don't want him to find out and get pissed off or hurt.
We are really sexually compatible though, and I do feel a connection with him, and it feels right and all...but I feel like I should be worried...
I feel like I SHOULD feel like it's a bad thing that we're moving too fast.
Again, it feels right...but also I feel like I should feel bad...understand?
I tried lightly mentioning this today, but he just laughed it off.
He probably thought I was joking.
We spend a lot of time at eachother's houses, i mean we have actual fun too, we laugh we joke we cuddle we....yeah....we watch films nd stuff...in fact, we watched the notebook (poor guy, he must've been bored to death) and I cried, which was slightly embarrassing.
I wanna DO something though!!...ugh
I think my problem is that I feel like I SHOULD feel like I wanna get serious...but then I know that he's probably just in it for the fun of being in a relationship.
But in actual fact...I'm not in love with him...(yet...hmm...i dont even know if i wanna fall in love again for a long time...)...our relationship is limited to a year because he's going off to uni next year...
Maybe I should just lay back and have fun...yeah, i guess thats just what i'll have to do.
Oh well. Apart from that minor problem, everything's going really well, and i really like him =]
School's fun (it won't be for long though...)
I have loads of double lessons...and barely anyone's in my music and philosophy classes...
I'm bored of this now.
Adios!
xxxxxxxxxxMMG
I put a picture up...now you have a slight insight to what I look like.
I say 'slight' because it has been edited a bit...
Right, why am I choosing this particular moment to blog?
Because I've had something on my mind all day.
The thing I have on my mind:
Me and Bape are still together...but here come the problems...well...not a big problem, it just feels like it should be a problem.
I spent a few weeks (the only 2 and a half weeks we've been together) wondering what was wrong with him.
Nothing is wrong with him...at least I thought...
His ONLY flaw, and it's not even that much of a flaw, is that he is so sexually driven...
We haven't actually had sex, I've decided I'm not going to lose my virginity until I'm in love.
We've done everything else though...already.
I'd prefer to blog this rather than tell people, cause I don't want him to find out and get pissed off or hurt.
We are really sexually compatible though, and I do feel a connection with him, and it feels right and all...but I feel like I should be worried...
I feel like I SHOULD feel like it's a bad thing that we're moving too fast.
Again, it feels right...but also I feel like I should feel bad...understand?
I tried lightly mentioning this today, but he just laughed it off.
He probably thought I was joking.
We spend a lot of time at eachother's houses, i mean we have actual fun too, we laugh we joke we cuddle we....yeah....we watch films nd stuff...in fact, we watched the notebook (poor guy, he must've been bored to death) and I cried, which was slightly embarrassing.
I wanna DO something though!!...ugh
I think my problem is that I feel like I SHOULD feel like I wanna get serious...but then I know that he's probably just in it for the fun of being in a relationship.
But in actual fact...I'm not in love with him...(yet...hmm...i dont even know if i wanna fall in love again for a long time...)...our relationship is limited to a year because he's going off to uni next year...
Maybe I should just lay back and have fun...yeah, i guess thats just what i'll have to do.
Oh well. Apart from that minor problem, everything's going really well, and i really like him =]
School's fun (it won't be for long though...)
I have loads of double lessons...and barely anyone's in my music and philosophy classes...
I'm bored of this now.
Adios!
xxxxxxxxxxMMG
Monday 25 August 2008
Completely pointless post. (alitteration)
Feel like writing...(again), but I have nothing to say, so I'm going to tell an old story.
The day I got back from Newquay (i don't think I even mentioned I went to newquay...something overwhelming happened over there, something that depressed me so much when I tried writing about it that I had to actually delete the blog entry...)...I went to A's that night, and he was having a party. There was a HYOWGE mix of people there, I don't think it really worked to be perfectly honest.
I met this guy (briefly) called Angel (this name because he sings and plays the guitar, and a friend says he sings like an angel...wtf? How do they even know what an angel sings like?).
So yeah, because I missed newquay so much, I wasn't very sociable. In fact at one point, i literally just went up to sit in arthur's bedroom on my own. Then I went home.
So when I told people I was going home, Angel randomly asked me why.
And I said...: "...Because I want to."
Angel: "You seem a bit depressed"
Me: *glare* "...yeah, kind of."
Angel: "what's up?"
Me: "no offence...but I only met you today, why would I tell you?"
Angel: "...oh."
Me: "bye"
Did I sound rude?
I did didn't I?
At the time, I didn't mind that I sounded rude...then a few days later I did...now I couldn't give two flying washing machines.
Next day, a few of us went to uniparks...and surprise surprise, he was there.
I realised that he was actually pretty hot...but there was something weird about him.
He seemed slightly fake, no one else seemed to notice it, so i kind of pushed that thought to the back of my mind.
We made eyes.
We talked.
We laughed.
The next day, we spent the whole of it texting.
The next day, he asked to meet me in town.
So we did, then we went to meet people in the park.
Then we went to another friend's house...then they both came back to mine...then they both left.
Then he texted me....and I could still see him when he texted me...
what the hell?
He invited me to go over to his house.
I did, but i knew nothing could happen, because firstly, I've changed...slightly. Well I like to think I have.
Also, I had woken upp with impetigo around my MOUTH that morning...AND I was on my period...(i'm one of those freaks who thinks everything happens for a reason, so I took that as a 'sign').
So at his house, I started to like him...but I only told one person.
We had a good time...he played guitar and sang to me...which was a bit freaking out...too film like for me...I think I enjoyed it at the time...but now I can't tell.
He was like overly affectionate towards me as well...(seeing as we hardly knew each other and hadn't even kissed or anything).
He kept kissing me on the forehead...IN FRONT OF HIS MUM...
Ewewew.
What a complete pervert.
That night I went to a party at Dino's house.
Angel barely spoke to me the whole time, which I actually didn't care that much about...the only thing I cared about was the fact that I had got alcohol IN MY IMPETIGO, and it KILLED.
I was crying cause everything seemed to be going wrong...and I missed that thing about newquay which I'm not going to ever write about.
So the next day, Angel texted me saying: "Hey howa you? How has your day been? Sorry I was a bit off with you at Dino's (and he put a kiss face)"
I texted him back being all like...."just incase you think I was crying about you...I actually wasn't..." (but made it more convincing...even though i ACTUALLY WASN'T)
He didn't text back...lol to that.
So then when I met Bape, a few days later, I completely forgot about Angel, which I'm very happy about, cause I've heard some stuff about Angel....he is SO not the person I thought he was...he's a complete player apparently. And really bitchy too (not right for a boy to actually be referred to as a bitch)
So.....the day before Bape got back from Bahrain, I met my friend VP in town. I got a text from Angel's friend TO (who I was really good friends with before he went on holiday), and he asked to meet me and VP. When we got there....Angel was there...who had got back from holiday 2 days before.
We somehow (against my will) ended up all going to the cinema together.
Angel sat next to me (I didn't sit next to him...he sat next to me....idiot)
He tried to lace fingers...and i elbowed him in the arm.
I'm good =]
I have such good will power
(i SO don't).
This story really doesn't feel complete to me...Maybe I should just leave it that way.
After all, it is MY blog.
Why should I have to follow standard procedures?
This is the place where I can write down my deepest thoughts without being judged by anyone who I can physically hit.
I like it that way.
The end.
xxxxxxMMG
The day I got back from Newquay (i don't think I even mentioned I went to newquay...something overwhelming happened over there, something that depressed me so much when I tried writing about it that I had to actually delete the blog entry...)...I went to A's that night, and he was having a party. There was a HYOWGE mix of people there, I don't think it really worked to be perfectly honest.
I met this guy (briefly) called Angel (this name because he sings and plays the guitar, and a friend says he sings like an angel...wtf? How do they even know what an angel sings like?).
So yeah, because I missed newquay so much, I wasn't very sociable. In fact at one point, i literally just went up to sit in arthur's bedroom on my own. Then I went home.
So when I told people I was going home, Angel randomly asked me why.
And I said...: "...Because I want to."
Angel: "You seem a bit depressed"
Me: *glare* "...yeah, kind of."
Angel: "what's up?"
Me: "no offence...but I only met you today, why would I tell you?"
Angel: "...oh."
Me: "bye"
Did I sound rude?
I did didn't I?
At the time, I didn't mind that I sounded rude...then a few days later I did...now I couldn't give two flying washing machines.
Next day, a few of us went to uniparks...and surprise surprise, he was there.
I realised that he was actually pretty hot...but there was something weird about him.
He seemed slightly fake, no one else seemed to notice it, so i kind of pushed that thought to the back of my mind.
We made eyes.
We talked.
We laughed.
The next day, we spent the whole of it texting.
The next day, he asked to meet me in town.
So we did, then we went to meet people in the park.
Then we went to another friend's house...then they both came back to mine...then they both left.
Then he texted me....and I could still see him when he texted me...
what the hell?
He invited me to go over to his house.
I did, but i knew nothing could happen, because firstly, I've changed...slightly. Well I like to think I have.
Also, I had woken upp with impetigo around my MOUTH that morning...AND I was on my period...(i'm one of those freaks who thinks everything happens for a reason, so I took that as a 'sign').
So at his house, I started to like him...but I only told one person.
We had a good time...he played guitar and sang to me...which was a bit freaking out...too film like for me...I think I enjoyed it at the time...but now I can't tell.
He was like overly affectionate towards me as well...(seeing as we hardly knew each other and hadn't even kissed or anything).
He kept kissing me on the forehead...IN FRONT OF HIS MUM...
Ewewew.
What a complete pervert.
That night I went to a party at Dino's house.
Angel barely spoke to me the whole time, which I actually didn't care that much about...the only thing I cared about was the fact that I had got alcohol IN MY IMPETIGO, and it KILLED.
I was crying cause everything seemed to be going wrong...and I missed that thing about newquay which I'm not going to ever write about.
So the next day, Angel texted me saying: "Hey howa you? How has your day been? Sorry I was a bit off with you at Dino's (and he put a kiss face)"
I texted him back being all like...."just incase you think I was crying about you...I actually wasn't..." (but made it more convincing...even though i ACTUALLY WASN'T)
He didn't text back...lol to that.
So then when I met Bape, a few days later, I completely forgot about Angel, which I'm very happy about, cause I've heard some stuff about Angel....he is SO not the person I thought he was...he's a complete player apparently. And really bitchy too (not right for a boy to actually be referred to as a bitch)
So.....the day before Bape got back from Bahrain, I met my friend VP in town. I got a text from Angel's friend TO (who I was really good friends with before he went on holiday), and he asked to meet me and VP. When we got there....Angel was there...who had got back from holiday 2 days before.
We somehow (against my will) ended up all going to the cinema together.
Angel sat next to me (I didn't sit next to him...he sat next to me....idiot)
He tried to lace fingers...and i elbowed him in the arm.
I'm good =]
I have such good will power
(i SO don't).
This story really doesn't feel complete to me...Maybe I should just leave it that way.
After all, it is MY blog.
Why should I have to follow standard procedures?
This is the place where I can write down my deepest thoughts without being judged by anyone who I can physically hit.
I like it that way.
The end.
xxxxxxMMG
Friday 22 August 2008
blogging
I just really feel like writing my blog right now.
I couldn't possibly be more up for writing it.
There couldn't be a more perfect thing to be in the mood for.
If I were any more up for writing my blog, I would have to soak my head in lactose free milk. (lactose intolerant)
Anyway, although I am in SUCH a writing-my-blog mood, I don't actually have anythiing to write about.
Okay, I've just decided I do.
RESULTS.
Didn't do as well as I wanted to, but my parents seemed happy with it.
Music: A
Drama: A
Philosophy & Ethics: A*
English: B
ICT: Pass
Citizenship: E (YESS...except my dad told me off for not getting a G)
Science: C
Additional science: C
Maths: C
That's all.
I got money out of it so...plus I got into sixthform
Another topic? I think so
Birthday.
It was really good to spend quality time with my mother.
Especially seeing as all we talked about was me. And Bape.
Wicked was AMAZING. Like amazing. There wouldnt be another word to describe it.
I want to BE Elpheba.
CLOTHES. I got lots of clothes.
Me and Bape have been emailing =]
He's in Bahrain.
What an annoying place for him to be.
In fact, anywhere apart from where I live is an annoying place for him to be.
But yeah...it SEEMS to be going well...even though he's across the world at the moment. Not coming back til sunday.
When I said it SEEMS to be going well...thats just MY point of view...and remember, my luck with boys is NOT good. Ever. Lets just hope that this time, it turns out good for both of us.
eating now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
I couldn't possibly be more up for writing it.
There couldn't be a more perfect thing to be in the mood for.
If I were any more up for writing my blog, I would have to soak my head in lactose free milk. (lactose intolerant)
Anyway, although I am in SUCH a writing-my-blog mood, I don't actually have anythiing to write about.
Okay, I've just decided I do.
RESULTS.
Didn't do as well as I wanted to, but my parents seemed happy with it.
Music: A
Drama: A
Philosophy & Ethics: A*
English: B
ICT: Pass
Citizenship: E (YESS...except my dad told me off for not getting a G)
Science: C
Additional science: C
Maths: C
That's all.
I got money out of it so...plus I got into sixthform
Another topic? I think so
Birthday.
It was really good to spend quality time with my mother.
Especially seeing as all we talked about was me. And Bape.
Wicked was AMAZING. Like amazing. There wouldnt be another word to describe it.
I want to BE Elpheba.
CLOTHES. I got lots of clothes.
Me and Bape have been emailing =]
He's in Bahrain.
What an annoying place for him to be.
In fact, anywhere apart from where I live is an annoying place for him to be.
But yeah...it SEEMS to be going well...even though he's across the world at the moment. Not coming back til sunday.
When I said it SEEMS to be going well...thats just MY point of view...and remember, my luck with boys is NOT good. Ever. Lets just hope that this time, it turns out good for both of us.
eating now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
Sunday 17 August 2008
...regaining the main aspect of my personality.
I'm actually starting to REGAIN the main aspect of my personality.
Could either be seen as a good thing...or perhaps a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. Not that there's anyone there to look at it seeing as I seem to have lost most of my readers.
Which I don't mind too much.
This is for me, I've decided.
...My blog...that is...
I can't be bothered to have a handwritten diary cause that would mean I'd have to burn every page after I've written it to prevent people who I would prefer not to read it from reading it.
Also, I like the idea of people I don't know being able to read it, which may sound slightly strange to some...but not to me.
Anyway, back to the 'regaining the most important aspect of my life' thingy...
I've met someone who I'm getting along with quite well, and it COULD amount to something...maybe
Perhaps...
If he wanted to...
If we spent enough non-boring time together...which has happened every time we've been together actually: it's never been boring, it's always been...fun?
Bape. That, of course, isn't his name, because I tend not to use people's real names on this blog..seeing as it's anonymous.
Bape, happens to be the make of the shoes he was wearing when I met him =]
Uhuh, I'm a stalker.
Actually, I'd prefer not to be referred to as that from now on...so scrap that.
I'm just very interested.
So yeah...Bape.
I like him, he seems to like me, he's told another friend he likes me...we've kissed a few times, and we're basically acting like a couple.
He's 17..and I'm 16 on Tuesday.
I was talking to my friend, A, today, and he said that he thinks we've grown out of literally initiating the beginning of...boyfriend & girlfriendhood.
What I mean, is that there's no, "will you go out with me..." or "shall we make this official"...allowed anymore, and if there was, we would have to have decreased in age and become 14-year-olds. Do you follow?
I'm really bad at this kind of thing though...cause, well, those of you who've been following my blog, should have noticed that I've been in a 'thing' with quite a few guys, and every time I've actually gotten into a proper relationship (as far as a 'proper relationship' goes, at this age...), it's always been initiated out loud.
This proves how immature I am, and how mature Bape could be.
OH YEAH!, you don't know anything about this guy yet do you...?
He's a tiny bit taller than me, wears a lot of topman...has black hair, and green eyes....which is always a HOT combination.
That's all you need to know.
So the question that this post revolves around is: How do I know if this guy is my boyfriend or not? (when he gets back from holiday)
End of...for now.
On another note, I get my GCSE results back on Thursday!
I don't know whether i'm dreading it or looking forward to it...it all depends on how I do...which makes no sense because that's in the future....and I can't decide if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it AFTER the event, can I now?
Here's what I'm hoping to achieve:
Maths: C
Chemistry: C
Biology: C
Physics: C
Citizenship: E (it get's better after this...)
English Lit: A
English Language: A
Food tech: A
Philosophy and Ethics: A
Music: A*
ICT: C
Drama: A*
...I think that's all the subjects...
anyway, I'd be extremely happy with those results!
Especially the A* in music.
Anyway, I'm at A's house with A and Rawr (which is also a fake name), and I'm being very antisocial, so must go..
Night
XXXXXXXX MMG
Could either be seen as a good thing...or perhaps a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. Not that there's anyone there to look at it seeing as I seem to have lost most of my readers.
Which I don't mind too much.
This is for me, I've decided.
...My blog...that is...
I can't be bothered to have a handwritten diary cause that would mean I'd have to burn every page after I've written it to prevent people who I would prefer not to read it from reading it.
Also, I like the idea of people I don't know being able to read it, which may sound slightly strange to some...but not to me.
Anyway, back to the 'regaining the most important aspect of my life' thingy...
I've met someone who I'm getting along with quite well, and it COULD amount to something...maybe
Perhaps...
If he wanted to...
If we spent enough non-boring time together...which has happened every time we've been together actually: it's never been boring, it's always been...fun?
Bape. That, of course, isn't his name, because I tend not to use people's real names on this blog..seeing as it's anonymous.
Bape, happens to be the make of the shoes he was wearing when I met him =]
Uhuh, I'm a stalker.
Actually, I'd prefer not to be referred to as that from now on...so scrap that.
I'm just very interested.
So yeah...Bape.
I like him, he seems to like me, he's told another friend he likes me...we've kissed a few times, and we're basically acting like a couple.
He's 17..and I'm 16 on Tuesday.
I was talking to my friend, A, today, and he said that he thinks we've grown out of literally initiating the beginning of...boyfriend & girlfriendhood.
What I mean, is that there's no, "will you go out with me..." or "shall we make this official"...allowed anymore, and if there was, we would have to have decreased in age and become 14-year-olds. Do you follow?
I'm really bad at this kind of thing though...cause, well, those of you who've been following my blog, should have noticed that I've been in a 'thing' with quite a few guys, and every time I've actually gotten into a proper relationship (as far as a 'proper relationship' goes, at this age...), it's always been initiated out loud.
This proves how immature I am, and how mature Bape could be.
OH YEAH!, you don't know anything about this guy yet do you...?
He's a tiny bit taller than me, wears a lot of topman...has black hair, and green eyes....which is always a HOT combination.
That's all you need to know.
So the question that this post revolves around is: How do I know if this guy is my boyfriend or not? (when he gets back from holiday)
End of...for now.
On another note, I get my GCSE results back on Thursday!
I don't know whether i'm dreading it or looking forward to it...it all depends on how I do...which makes no sense because that's in the future....and I can't decide if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it AFTER the event, can I now?
Here's what I'm hoping to achieve:
Maths: C
Chemistry: C
Biology: C
Physics: C
Citizenship: E (it get's better after this...)
English Lit: A
English Language: A
Food tech: A
Philosophy and Ethics: A
Music: A*
ICT: C
Drama: A*
...I think that's all the subjects...
anyway, I'd be extremely happy with those results!
Especially the A* in music.
Anyway, I'm at A's house with A and Rawr (which is also a fake name), and I'm being very antisocial, so must go..
Night
XXXXXXXX MMG
Monday 7 July 2008
Losing the main aspect of my personality
Guess what happened to me.
Tired of trying to work out what happened? Or have you figured out that however long you spend trying to guess what happened it wont matter because I am going to eventually tell you what happened and break the suspence?
I think I'll tell you now.
Towel (remember towel?) kissed me last night.
We were walking back from a party to the area where both he and my friend, Jamz, lives and when he walked us to Jamz's house, he kissed me goodbye. And it wasn't one of those 'IM HORNY' kisses, it felt really meaningfull.
It's weird. Usually I'd be thinking this is a good thing, and I'd be really excited about it. But I'm not. And through this post I'm aiming to try and figure out why the hell i'm not happy about it.
I mean, I've liked him for quite a bit, on and off, so thats even more reason for me to be confused at why I'm not HAPPY.
Maybe it's because I haven't kissed/been kised like that since Kaz. But last time me and Towel wer getting close it all went really bad and messed up. I really have changed in that way.
Remember what I said a while ago about Sheep? About how whenever I approach him a danger sign comes up in my head. Well, this is starting to happen with every guy now I guess.
Ever since Kaz I've been put off boys.
It's taken me a while to actually admit it...but I think that's whats happened.
Wait...what?
It's not like I'm completely put off boys, I mean I'm still very interested in boys, I'm still attracted to some of them...hah.
I'm just terrifyed of getting hurt.
OH MY GOD I'M SO WEIRD.
BYE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG
Tired of trying to work out what happened? Or have you figured out that however long you spend trying to guess what happened it wont matter because I am going to eventually tell you what happened and break the suspence?
I think I'll tell you now.
Towel (remember towel?) kissed me last night.
We were walking back from a party to the area where both he and my friend, Jamz, lives and when he walked us to Jamz's house, he kissed me goodbye. And it wasn't one of those 'IM HORNY' kisses, it felt really meaningfull.
It's weird. Usually I'd be thinking this is a good thing, and I'd be really excited about it. But I'm not. And through this post I'm aiming to try and figure out why the hell i'm not happy about it.
I mean, I've liked him for quite a bit, on and off, so thats even more reason for me to be confused at why I'm not HAPPY.
Maybe it's because I haven't kissed/been kised like that since Kaz. But last time me and Towel wer getting close it all went really bad and messed up. I really have changed in that way.
Remember what I said a while ago about Sheep? About how whenever I approach him a danger sign comes up in my head. Well, this is starting to happen with every guy now I guess.
Ever since Kaz I've been put off boys.
It's taken me a while to actually admit it...but I think that's whats happened.
Wait...what?
It's not like I'm completely put off boys, I mean I'm still very interested in boys, I'm still attracted to some of them...hah.
I'm just terrifyed of getting hurt.
OH MY GOD I'M SO WEIRD.
BYE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXMMG
Sunday 29 June 2008
Bored.
I am so bored.
Seriously though.
I am the boredest person in the history of anybody ever.
If there were to be a prize for the boredest person on this planet (ever), it would be extremely likely for me to win.
This might not seem like an original thing to say, but it IS in fact, an original feeling, because as I said, nobody has ever been this bored ever.
This is the only way such boredom could be described.
This is all you need to know.
I'm going to go and bathe in my boredom.
MMGXXXXXXXXXXX
PS.....pathetic..i know.
Seriously though.
I am the boredest person in the history of anybody ever.
If there were to be a prize for the boredest person on this planet (ever), it would be extremely likely for me to win.
This might not seem like an original thing to say, but it IS in fact, an original feeling, because as I said, nobody has ever been this bored ever.
This is the only way such boredom could be described.
This is all you need to know.
I'm going to go and bathe in my boredom.
MMGXXXXXXXXXXX
PS.....pathetic..i know.
Tuesday 3 June 2008
DANGER
Surely this blog has now been forgotten...just a distant memory falling away...like a wet cake.
But I'm afraid I've started up again...yep. I shall notify my mother...who with then notify oscar...and then I will have 2 main readers again...(perhaps more if my other regulars [two others...] hear...or check the blog out of bordem)!!
Why haven't I written for over a month? Because I've been revising, tricking myself into thinking I'm revising, socialising, sleeping, and sitting exams. Most of which I was revising. Sounds fun dont you think? (when I say most of the time I was revising, what I actually mean, is that because revising is so boring, 4 hours seemed like a whole day).
I'm not sure if theres anything actually interesting to tell... I guess I'll just take one of the biggest events and explain...hmm
OH! A's party...twas on the night of um.....the 4th of May?..(I think) All was silent...well...it wasn't...it wasn't at all. AHEM! Basically, it was a joint birthday party to celebrate the birthdays of both A and...F (two of my friends). They decided to have a pre-BBQ, which only about 8 people were invited to...and I happened to be one of them.
This was very good, because it meant we got food, not just any kind of food...meat!...the kind of food which is the flesh of animals? Some people don't eat meat, they prefer vegetable slop (MOTHER). We were also provided with drink (the mind altering kind), which got me quite tipsy for when the rest of the party guests began to arrive. This was good, because it meant that I didn't have to FORCE myself to be more social and greet people as nicely as I did completely naturally when my mind had been slightly altered by the alcoholic beverages which I mentioned before.
Anyway, the party had begun...and everyone was there...it was a mix of groups which made it a lot better too...and yeah...it all ended in tears...
Everyone was flirting with that guy I like, I might actually give him a name now...Sheep...theres a reason for that...a reason that I can, actually explain...for some strange reason...whenever he approaches all his friends say his name as if it were coming from the mouth of a sheep...like BBAAAAAAAAHHHHH except with him name...oh well...
So Sheep it is, so everyone was flirting with sheep...and because i was mind-altered, AND upset, I started crying...and that resulted in Shar crying too cause she knows he likes her and she doesnt like him and she's in love with someone who has a girl friend and the whole thing is just COMPLETELY MESSED UP!!! *sigh* some and Shar went to the end of the garden and were talking and crying on the bench...when STUPID Sheep comes up! Come up with that 'im-having-a-great-time-at-this-party-i-know-i-think-i'll-come-over-here-and-try-and-spread-my-joy-and-take-no-notice-at-the-fact-that-they-obviously-have-a-good-reason-to-be-alone-over-here-crying------oh-well!!' look on his face...ugh. He asked what was wrong, (still with a smile on his face...) and I said "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK IS WRONG YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT? I REALLLLY like you for some stupidly pathetic reason, and you, instead choose to like someone who you find impossible to have a conversation with, someone who you've basically never spoken to, someone who DOESNT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN YOU!!!! rather than someone like me, someone who you can have fun with and TALK to!!" (I didn't actually say any of that....but I was thinking it...
Shar and I just gave him a "get-the-hell-away-from-us" glare.
Later, when I'd mostly finished crying, I walked past Sheep, and he asked if he could speak to me...he basically told me that he was concerned and really cared that I was upset...which was very convincing, but i know deep down he was chortling at the fact someone who cant have him likes him...then i told him that i liked him and told him why it upset me. He didn't look AT ALL suprised, and said that he was really sorry, he saw me as a really good friend and that he LOVED me as a friend...but that he still really liked Shar.
This upset me VERY A LOT.
That is all I have to say on the matter.
Nowadays (a few weeks later) I still find it difficult...It's weird its something I haven't really felt before...it's kind of like...whenever I start thinking about him, or get into a deep conversation with him...I force myself to get out of it. Even though it might mean that we are getting closer, and the conversation could lead to others which lead to him starting to like me...there is still always something stopping me.
It's like every time I cross the line of socialising with him..my mind says 'DANGER'..and I back away.
I don't know why this is suddenly starting to happen, i only noticed it in the last two days.
But I think it's because I'm scared of being hurt again.
Kaz hurt me...and I think that's because he wasn't nearly as into me as I was into him...
And Sheep isn't into me.
I want someone who after having only a few conversations with...I can click with.
Someone who shows an interest in me straight away.
Until them, I'm closing off to boys.
I wont go out of my way.
Afterall, I think I'll be happier that way...
ANYWAY! thats enough deepness from me!
I'm going to revise....BYE!
XXXXXXXXXMMG
But I'm afraid I've started up again...yep. I shall notify my mother...who with then notify oscar...and then I will have 2 main readers again...(perhaps more if my other regulars [two others...] hear...or check the blog out of bordem)!!
Why haven't I written for over a month? Because I've been revising, tricking myself into thinking I'm revising, socialising, sleeping, and sitting exams. Most of which I was revising. Sounds fun dont you think? (when I say most of the time I was revising, what I actually mean, is that because revising is so boring, 4 hours seemed like a whole day).
I'm not sure if theres anything actually interesting to tell... I guess I'll just take one of the biggest events and explain...hmm
OH! A's party...twas on the night of um.....the 4th of May?..(I think) All was silent...well...it wasn't...it wasn't at all. AHEM! Basically, it was a joint birthday party to celebrate the birthdays of both A and...F (two of my friends). They decided to have a pre-BBQ, which only about 8 people were invited to...and I happened to be one of them.
This was very good, because it meant we got food, not just any kind of food...meat!...the kind of food which is the flesh of animals? Some people don't eat meat, they prefer vegetable slop (MOTHER). We were also provided with drink (the mind altering kind), which got me quite tipsy for when the rest of the party guests began to arrive. This was good, because it meant that I didn't have to FORCE myself to be more social and greet people as nicely as I did completely naturally when my mind had been slightly altered by the alcoholic beverages which I mentioned before.
Anyway, the party had begun...and everyone was there...it was a mix of groups which made it a lot better too...and yeah...it all ended in tears...
Everyone was flirting with that guy I like, I might actually give him a name now...Sheep...theres a reason for that...a reason that I can, actually explain...for some strange reason...whenever he approaches all his friends say his name as if it were coming from the mouth of a sheep...like BBAAAAAAAAHHHHH except with him name...oh well...
So Sheep it is, so everyone was flirting with sheep...and because i was mind-altered, AND upset, I started crying...and that resulted in Shar crying too cause she knows he likes her and she doesnt like him and she's in love with someone who has a girl friend and the whole thing is just COMPLETELY MESSED UP!!! *sigh* some and Shar went to the end of the garden and were talking and crying on the bench...when STUPID Sheep comes up! Come up with that 'im-having-a-great-time-at-this-party-i-know-i-think-i'll-come-over-here-and-try-and-spread-my-joy-and-take-no-notice-at-the-fact-that-they-obviously-have-a-good-reason-to-be-alone-over-here-crying------oh-well!!' look on his face...ugh. He asked what was wrong, (still with a smile on his face...) and I said "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK IS WRONG YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT? I REALLLLY like you for some stupidly pathetic reason, and you, instead choose to like someone who you find impossible to have a conversation with, someone who you've basically never spoken to, someone who DOESNT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN YOU!!!! rather than someone like me, someone who you can have fun with and TALK to!!" (I didn't actually say any of that....but I was thinking it...
Shar and I just gave him a "get-the-hell-away-from-us" glare.
Later, when I'd mostly finished crying, I walked past Sheep, and he asked if he could speak to me...he basically told me that he was concerned and really cared that I was upset...which was very convincing, but i know deep down he was chortling at the fact someone who cant have him likes him...then i told him that i liked him and told him why it upset me. He didn't look AT ALL suprised, and said that he was really sorry, he saw me as a really good friend and that he LOVED me as a friend...but that he still really liked Shar.
This upset me VERY A LOT.
That is all I have to say on the matter.
Nowadays (a few weeks later) I still find it difficult...It's weird its something I haven't really felt before...it's kind of like...whenever I start thinking about him, or get into a deep conversation with him...I force myself to get out of it. Even though it might mean that we are getting closer, and the conversation could lead to others which lead to him starting to like me...there is still always something stopping me.
It's like every time I cross the line of socialising with him..my mind says 'DANGER'..and I back away.
I don't know why this is suddenly starting to happen, i only noticed it in the last two days.
But I think it's because I'm scared of being hurt again.
Kaz hurt me...and I think that's because he wasn't nearly as into me as I was into him...
And Sheep isn't into me.
I want someone who after having only a few conversations with...I can click with.
Someone who shows an interest in me straight away.
Until them, I'm closing off to boys.
I wont go out of my way.
Afterall, I think I'll be happier that way...
ANYWAY! thats enough deepness from me!
I'm going to revise....BYE!
XXXXXXXXXMMG
Sunday 13 April 2008
Brazil...
Not too sure how much time I have to write this....the computer is likely to explode in...i dunno.....2 hours.....1 minute....who knows. (the battery is low)
Things that have happened since I last posted:
#I've started to like that guy that I mentioned (you know, the one who likes Shar?...) WAY more than I did before....but Im not gonna do anything about it cause of exams =]
#I've finished literally ALL of my coursework, thank CHRIST.
#I've taken a long plane journey to the other side of the universe (Brazil)
#I'm still AT the other side of the universe
#I've seen a rather large toad.
#I've kicked the rather large toad with my toe.
#I've got an AMAZING tan which I am thouroughly proud of!!
#I've tried to calm my sexual frustration (which is getting FAR worse than it should be) by almost drowning in the sea when being tumbled by waved taller than my 2 story house.
#I've seen the HOTTEST GUY EVER, and made eyes with him, and am hoping to at least SEE him again, (which I really wont).
They are all the significant things I can remember.
Everything else is a blur really...
Oh well.
and SPAZ, i PROMISE I will start commenting on your blog when I get back, it's just I have like NO time over here :(
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Things that have happened since I last posted:
#I've started to like that guy that I mentioned (you know, the one who likes Shar?...) WAY more than I did before....but Im not gonna do anything about it cause of exams =]
#I've finished literally ALL of my coursework, thank CHRIST.
#I've taken a long plane journey to the other side of the universe (Brazil)
#I'm still AT the other side of the universe
#I've seen a rather large toad.
#I've kicked the rather large toad with my toe.
#I've got an AMAZING tan which I am thouroughly proud of!!
#I've tried to calm my sexual frustration (which is getting FAR worse than it should be) by almost drowning in the sea when being tumbled by waved taller than my 2 story house.
#I've seen the HOTTEST GUY EVER, and made eyes with him, and am hoping to at least SEE him again, (which I really wont).
They are all the significant things I can remember.
Everything else is a blur really...
Oh well.
and SPAZ, i PROMISE I will start commenting on your blog when I get back, it's just I have like NO time over here :(
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Thursday 27 March 2008
WAY HO.
I've just finished ALL my IT coursework =]
You may have guessed that I'm in an IT lesson right now. Well, I am.
I only have about 15 mins to write this, I had a major urge.
Remember I told you about Towel?
Well, I liked him for a few days...kind of do now, but he's ridiculously shy around girls, in fact, he'll probaly get shot for it =]
So, you know me, if I have to work to hard to get something that I don't want THAT much...I'll give up, and I've now, officially given up :)
Only took me a couple of days, go me, I'm maturing. (no snide comments from Oscar thank you very much)
I'm interersted in someone else...a tiny bit, but he likes shar, and shar like him a tiny bit, but she said shes not gonna do anything about it.
I wont tell anyone about this guy, cause when I do, I always get more into them. Which wouldnt be good, cause then Shar would probaly start to like him (my luck indeed) and they'd go out and ID be the one crying in the corner. Nono, I think I'll pass on that. But, I'm sure there will be more to tell you about this guy, who BY THE WAY, is not a normal teenager...he's never been into girls until recently, but he's BLOODY hot. *sigh*
I need to concenterate on my exams which are coming up painfully soon. PAINFULLY soon.
I did well in my terminal task today though...don't know what that is??
Well, the name "terminal task" kind of says it all...we have 25 minutes to compose a peice of music 16+ bars long. I enjoyed it though, I'm actually good at that kind of thing, believe it or not.
Ha, I bet I'll get around 3 out of 30 now I've said that...
WOAH, someone just threw talc n powder all over Ginger kid...I think I called him OEL...not sure though. That someone was Towel...haha, im an idiot.
Okay, I think I'm going slightly crazy, seeing as I just saw the outline of a moustache in my head.
Kill me, kill me now. :)
LOTS OF LOVE!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
You may have guessed that I'm in an IT lesson right now. Well, I am.
I only have about 15 mins to write this, I had a major urge.
Remember I told you about Towel?
Well, I liked him for a few days...kind of do now, but he's ridiculously shy around girls, in fact, he'll probaly get shot for it =]
So, you know me, if I have to work to hard to get something that I don't want THAT much...I'll give up, and I've now, officially given up :)
Only took me a couple of days, go me, I'm maturing. (no snide comments from Oscar thank you very much)
I'm interersted in someone else...a tiny bit, but he likes shar, and shar like him a tiny bit, but she said shes not gonna do anything about it.
I wont tell anyone about this guy, cause when I do, I always get more into them. Which wouldnt be good, cause then Shar would probaly start to like him (my luck indeed) and they'd go out and ID be the one crying in the corner. Nono, I think I'll pass on that. But, I'm sure there will be more to tell you about this guy, who BY THE WAY, is not a normal teenager...he's never been into girls until recently, but he's BLOODY hot. *sigh*
I need to concenterate on my exams which are coming up painfully soon. PAINFULLY soon.
I did well in my terminal task today though...don't know what that is??
Well, the name "terminal task" kind of says it all...we have 25 minutes to compose a peice of music 16+ bars long. I enjoyed it though, I'm actually good at that kind of thing, believe it or not.
Ha, I bet I'll get around 3 out of 30 now I've said that...
WOAH, someone just threw talc n powder all over Ginger kid...I think I called him OEL...not sure though. That someone was Towel...haha, im an idiot.
Okay, I think I'm going slightly crazy, seeing as I just saw the outline of a moustache in my head.
Kill me, kill me now. :)
LOTS OF LOVE!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
Monday 24 March 2008
I can't tell weather im in the mood to write this or not...am I?...or am I not?
Oh well, I guess I have to write it, seeing a I've got my laptop in front of me and no one worth talking to is on msn...and also...it's almost been a week since my last post, which BTW (on the subject of my last post) has no relevance to my current state of life/mind. What I mean to say, is that pay no attention to the previous post...I was in the middle of a MAHOOOSIVE mood swing and everything was upsetting me. Trust me, you don't want to know why I was so pissed off...and even if I chose to tell you, I wouldn't be able to because I'm not experiencing the emotions I would require in order to tell you...(the emotions which I was experiencing at the time of my previous blog) I can see you know PRECISELY what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I'm in a pretty good mood...I've realised I get extremely depressed and moodswingy when I havent seen any of my friends in a day...I noticed this yesterday, when I was in the house ALL day...I began to get stressed out for no reason, and I knew I had to get out of the house...so I did. And I was in a really good mood when I got out. I thik I might be addicte to socialising. Now I can't imagine this being a good thing what with all my GCSEs coming up in...about 2 months, so I'm definitely going to have to find some way of dealing with this rare teenage problem.
I'm happy now though =] BECAUSE my parents have bought me NOW thats what I call music 69 so I don't have to spend hours getting my friends to send songs to me, they also bought me the soundtrack to WiCKED the musical. And some random books. Oh, almost forgot...a music revision book so I might get higher than a D in music (i wont).
GOODBYE!!!
xxxxx MMG
Oh well, I guess I have to write it, seeing a I've got my laptop in front of me and no one worth talking to is on msn...and also...it's almost been a week since my last post, which BTW (on the subject of my last post) has no relevance to my current state of life/mind. What I mean to say, is that pay no attention to the previous post...I was in the middle of a MAHOOOSIVE mood swing and everything was upsetting me. Trust me, you don't want to know why I was so pissed off...and even if I chose to tell you, I wouldn't be able to because I'm not experiencing the emotions I would require in order to tell you...(the emotions which I was experiencing at the time of my previous blog) I can see you know PRECISELY what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I'm in a pretty good mood...I've realised I get extremely depressed and moodswingy when I havent seen any of my friends in a day...I noticed this yesterday, when I was in the house ALL day...I began to get stressed out for no reason, and I knew I had to get out of the house...so I did. And I was in a really good mood when I got out. I thik I might be addicte to socialising. Now I can't imagine this being a good thing what with all my GCSEs coming up in...about 2 months, so I'm definitely going to have to find some way of dealing with this rare teenage problem.
I'm happy now though =] BECAUSE my parents have bought me NOW thats what I call music 69 so I don't have to spend hours getting my friends to send songs to me, they also bought me the soundtrack to WiCKED the musical. And some random books. Oh, almost forgot...a music revision book so I might get higher than a D in music (i wont).
GOODBYE!!!
xxxxx MMG
Monday 17 March 2008
What?!!?tahW
Why do guys purposefully make my life so difficult? Not anyone else's...just mine.
Anyway, going completely off the topic of guys: I'm completely over Kaz...and it feels AWESOME. Apart from the fact that I feel like a complete idiot for being on him in the first place...oh well! He doesn't speak to me anymore.
But blah blah, i went to a party this weekend and got to know this guy called...erm....Towel...okay, yeah that one did literally just come off the top of my head...but Towel it is (for those complete losers who don't know how I roll, Towel is in fact NOT his real name, but just a nickname I've decided to give him so people who I know who so rudely find some way of reading my blog without my permission don't know if im bitching about them or not..although most of them could probally guess anyway...) So yeah...Towel...we got on really well at the party and exchanged numbers...he goes to my school mut we've never really spoken before, he's quite shy...wait, I'm just going to kill my keyboard breifly...
fiheduaifhuaikjfhuaikgfluadkgh uadkgrfAgBalGHIAEHI tmkahygkadrugl\sy,ktjmyrebjmdthnvdkeghesj,fhrje,svnh dkx,xnhjdbhnv njmxbh vf kjmgb ehksaulj,fnervej,smtnfrhskjtvhndsrb gyjhmdtbg brhjmdbrhejkg hajfjnhybkrxg jd,tnhgtrj,wnherjg hjkbnj3nhegheghjeyviowuteoiymeiltk,ewukw4tbw5mu
Oh god that felt SO good!!!! I think I might have to do it again, but this time I'll delete it afterwards...
ugh again with the feeling goodness.
I don't feel like writing actually...I'll have to finish the story when I feel more inspired =]
this'll keep you waiting
NIGHT!
XXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Anyway, going completely off the topic of guys: I'm completely over Kaz...and it feels AWESOME. Apart from the fact that I feel like a complete idiot for being on him in the first place...oh well! He doesn't speak to me anymore.
But blah blah, i went to a party this weekend and got to know this guy called...erm....Towel...okay, yeah that one did literally just come off the top of my head...but Towel it is (for those complete losers who don't know how I roll, Towel is in fact NOT his real name, but just a nickname I've decided to give him so people who I know who so rudely find some way of reading my blog without my permission don't know if im bitching about them or not..although most of them could probally guess anyway...) So yeah...Towel...we got on really well at the party and exchanged numbers...he goes to my school mut we've never really spoken before, he's quite shy...wait, I'm just going to kill my keyboard breifly...
fiheduaifhuaikjfhuaikgfluadkgh uadkgrfAgBalGHIAEHI tmkahygkadrugl\sy,ktjmyrebjmdthnvdkeghesj,fhrje,svnh dkx,xnhjdbhnv njmxbh vf kjmgb ehksaulj,fnervej,smtnfrhskjtvhndsrb gyjhmdtbg brhjmdbrhejkg hajfjnhybkrxg jd,tnhgtrj,wnherjg hjkbnj3nhegheghjeyviowuteoiymeiltk,ewukw4tbw5mu
Oh god that felt SO good!!!! I think I might have to do it again, but this time I'll delete it afterwards...
ugh again with the feeling goodness.
I don't feel like writing actually...I'll have to finish the story when I feel more inspired =]
this'll keep you waiting
NIGHT!
XXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Sunday 9 March 2008
Need to find someone new to like...any suggestions?
The show must have (just as I suspected) been SO painful for everyone in the audience, because the stage is so MAHOOSIVE, you couldn't hear any of the chorus work...at all.
And the younger people put barely ANY effort into it whatsoever.
I was bloody sweating after my solo 'Somebody to love'...which went better than expected.
Also, everyone of my friends who said they would come came...but what's more is that everyone who said they probably wouldn't come came too...apart from Kaz (who said he would come when we were together)...but tbh, he probably wouldn't have been that supportive at the end anyway, and he's not obliged to support me anyway...so why would he have come?...shut up. About half of the left side of the audience was taken up with people from my school!! Of course they didn't JUST come to see me, 'cause another one of my friends. Shar, was in it too she was SO good, we had this scene with her..(you know the last scene that I told you about?...the one I was crapping myself about?) and she filled in lines for another girl who was hopeless in that particular scene...well tbh we were all pretty hopeless compared to the rest of the show.
At the end of the show they were all screaming my name and some of them threw flowers at me...good thing too, if they'd thrown tomatoes I would have just picked one up and eaten it. oh well.
I went to a restaurant afterwards..and after that to a friend's house with quite a few other people. Everyone was telling me how 'amazing' i was...it made me feel so buzzy. Some of them said I 'glued the show together'. HAHA two of my friends were actually crying at the end...I asked them how bad I was and they were like I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
I want to do the show again, NOW.
But anyway...school tomorrow...church today.
I want a boyfriend already, i need one...otherwise I'll get depressed, why can't you just walk up to a random hot guy and said 'Hello, would you like to be my boyfriend?'???? It's just not done, but why? I just miss having someone to go to who I can be open and affectionate to...and they can be back...Kaz wasn't very affectionate....okay shut up now.
Also, the cosmic horn is getting worse...couldn't I at least have the general horn?...it would be easier. I need to like someone, it makes life so much more interesting, I still like Kaz, but I'm definitely not gonna try anything, or get back together...well I might try the whole friends with benefits thing...but I doubt it will work, it would basically be the same as what it was like actually going out with him, he'll act like we're not together at school...then when we're both 'horny' it will be as if we are going out...but less.
I kind of feel like once his mother got back from India he like didn't want/need me anymore, and that was one of the reasons it all went downhill (including my extreme tendencies to moan to excess). I mean, if this was the case I think it would be quite sweet that he wanted some sort of woman in his life, to kind of look after him. But why did I have to make it me?!
I just sort of wish I hadn't got emotionally involved with him, I don't think we made a good couple, we're so different, and everyone was telling me that all along, they were all saying that they didn't think he treated me very well, and I should have listened. But oh well, I didn't.
Ugh, I really don't know how to get my point across to you few readers!
He is really nice inside, like REALLY nice,as in, helps his elderly neighbor bring her shopping into her house. And that cannot be good for his "image"
He just has a quite tough outer shell, but once you break through it he's such a lovable person.
I want to be friends with him though, not cause I still 'fancy' him, but because he's hilarious, and good to talk to. But I'm gonna leave it to him, cause blah blah he's the one who broke up with me...there are rules and I need to wait until HE's ready to start talking...but then what if I don't start a conversation with him an he thinks I'm ignoring him..then he never talks to me again? He's so confusing like that! This is quite a philosophical topic...agreed? It just keeps going.
Whatever, I just need to find something else to blog about other than Kaz.
...........this could take a while.
I think I'll go now,
Good morning!
XXXXXXXXXX MMG
And the younger people put barely ANY effort into it whatsoever.
I was bloody sweating after my solo 'Somebody to love'...which went better than expected.
Also, everyone of my friends who said they would come came...but what's more is that everyone who said they probably wouldn't come came too...apart from Kaz (who said he would come when we were together)...but tbh, he probably wouldn't have been that supportive at the end anyway, and he's not obliged to support me anyway...so why would he have come?...shut up. About half of the left side of the audience was taken up with people from my school!! Of course they didn't JUST come to see me, 'cause another one of my friends. Shar, was in it too she was SO good, we had this scene with her..(you know the last scene that I told you about?...the one I was crapping myself about?) and she filled in lines for another girl who was hopeless in that particular scene...well tbh we were all pretty hopeless compared to the rest of the show.
At the end of the show they were all screaming my name and some of them threw flowers at me...good thing too, if they'd thrown tomatoes I would have just picked one up and eaten it. oh well.
I went to a restaurant afterwards..and after that to a friend's house with quite a few other people. Everyone was telling me how 'amazing' i was...it made me feel so buzzy. Some of them said I 'glued the show together'. HAHA two of my friends were actually crying at the end...I asked them how bad I was and they were like I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
I want to do the show again, NOW.
But anyway...school tomorrow...church today.
I want a boyfriend already, i need one...otherwise I'll get depressed, why can't you just walk up to a random hot guy and said 'Hello, would you like to be my boyfriend?'???? It's just not done, but why? I just miss having someone to go to who I can be open and affectionate to...and they can be back...Kaz wasn't very affectionate....okay shut up now.
Also, the cosmic horn is getting worse...couldn't I at least have the general horn?...it would be easier. I need to like someone, it makes life so much more interesting, I still like Kaz, but I'm definitely not gonna try anything, or get back together...well I might try the whole friends with benefits thing...but I doubt it will work, it would basically be the same as what it was like actually going out with him, he'll act like we're not together at school...then when we're both 'horny' it will be as if we are going out...but less.
I kind of feel like once his mother got back from India he like didn't want/need me anymore, and that was one of the reasons it all went downhill (including my extreme tendencies to moan to excess). I mean, if this was the case I think it would be quite sweet that he wanted some sort of woman in his life, to kind of look after him. But why did I have to make it me?!
I just sort of wish I hadn't got emotionally involved with him, I don't think we made a good couple, we're so different, and everyone was telling me that all along, they were all saying that they didn't think he treated me very well, and I should have listened. But oh well, I didn't.
Ugh, I really don't know how to get my point across to you few readers!
He is really nice inside, like REALLY nice,as in, helps his elderly neighbor bring her shopping into her house. And that cannot be good for his "image"
He just has a quite tough outer shell, but once you break through it he's such a lovable person.
I want to be friends with him though, not cause I still 'fancy' him, but because he's hilarious, and good to talk to. But I'm gonna leave it to him, cause blah blah he's the one who broke up with me...there are rules and I need to wait until HE's ready to start talking...but then what if I don't start a conversation with him an he thinks I'm ignoring him..then he never talks to me again? He's so confusing like that! This is quite a philosophical topic...agreed? It just keeps going.
Whatever, I just need to find something else to blog about other than Kaz.
...........this could take a while.
I think I'll go now,
Good morning!
XXXXXXXXXX MMG
Thursday 6 March 2008
The Show...and the continuation of getting over Kaz.
Hm, I know it's only been a day since my last blog...but it's just so hard to keep away from my adoring fans...(sarcasm)
The real reason is that I just wanted to express my anxiousness AND excitement(...well...something in between one of those two), about the show tomorrow (tomorrow being friday)!
Just incase you, for some reason, haven't read every single one of my blogs religiously and check it every day to see if I've written another post, then you might want to know (and there is also a possibility you do not want to know, in which case, please direct your cursor to the small X in the top right hand corner of the window) about the show I'm a part of at a little stage training thingy called Stagecoach.
The show is We Will Rock You...its basically a really badly written play based around Queen songs which have been ultimately POPifyed by the beloved Ben Elton. I've got the part of Scaramouche, who's pretty much the leading character's (Galileo) sidekick/lover. Oui, I have a few solo's and I'm on stage quite a lot, so i'm pretty excited about THAT part of it...the only part I' worried about is...well....
The whole of ACT 2!!!!! =)
We've barely blocked the FINAL scene which is s'posed to be the best part of the show, the part which the whole audience are SUPPOSED to remember and leave thinking "hmm, what a fantastic show, the direction in the last scene was FABULOUS, it created a tremendous ending! I wish I could see it again!". But in fact, they will probaly be leaving thinking..."hmm...it started off pretty good....but the end ruined it. Why on earth did I waste my time on this when I could have been wrapped up in a duvet eating strawberry cheescake flavoured ice cream with a long spoon, watching Shrek 2 behind a locked door? =)".
I might just be assuming the worse...but you never know!
But in the end, at least we have fun DOING the show.
I hope it turns out okay...
By the way, the Kaz situation since yesterday is pretty good, it doesn't pain me to think about him anymore...it doesn't make me upset...which for some reason actually makes me stop thinking about him!!
That could always be because I haven't seen him in practically 2 weeks...which is slightly gay, cause I would actually like to stay friends with him...but if he doesn't want to I guess that's his choice. oh, and in school on tuesday....or monday...not really sure what day it was, I'm sure it won't really make a difference to the story...
he was standing outside our science room, and i went to say hello to him, and he seemed SO uneager to talk to me...i mean, fair enough...but he could at least try to be civil.
Anyway, i'm moving on now, I'm pretty much over him, it was a fun relationship while it lasted..well...some of it. And I learnt something extreamly important!
NEVER EVER listen to a guy when they tell you they think it's best if you tell them their faults...I think thats the main reason why we split up. Every time he upset me or pissed me off I would tell him about it in a really 'hello-I'm-going-to-suffocate-you-until-you-become-the-perfect-boyfriend-for-me" kind of way. I started getting pretty pathetic towards the end...I just got really moanie and didn't think of how that might make him feel...I allowed myself to get upset too easily.
He toughened me up a lot though, I'm don't regret our relationship now, thinking about it I really did learn a lot.
I'm gonna be a good girlfriend next time I find someone...hopefully!!! (which I wont, because I've decided to just lao guys unless they come to me....no going out of my way for any guy from now on....unless im in a relationship.)
But unfortunately..the cosmic horn is starting up again, and there's no one to take it out on. I'm SO sexually frustrated. Hmm I'll just call Kaz-.....WAIT, he'll get freaked out nd hang up. (even though he doesn't have a phone atm...)..yeah, actually, sorry to moan on at you, but is it normal to still be extremley attracted to your ex about a month after they break up with you?? Well it isn't for me, but for some reason it's happening. My imagination's getting carried away every time I see him...too much information?...I think not!!
I wonder what he'd say if I suggested being friends with benefits...not even friends...perhaps just two people who go to the same school who never talk with outside of school benefits...hmm...I know what I'd say if he asked me :D
If he wasn't oh so intimidating I would suggest it....oh well.
hahaa, I'm a pathetic freak who's turning into a pathetic geek with a very large sex drive!!
oh.....AND I'm working in school!
The only problem right now is that my cat has done a rather large poo behind the kitchen door...oh well, life's good!
Adios!!
XXXXXXXXx MMG
The real reason is that I just wanted to express my anxiousness AND excitement(...well...something in between one of those two), about the show tomorrow (tomorrow being friday)!
Just incase you, for some reason, haven't read every single one of my blogs religiously and check it every day to see if I've written another post, then you might want to know (and there is also a possibility you do not want to know, in which case, please direct your cursor to the small X in the top right hand corner of the window) about the show I'm a part of at a little stage training thingy called Stagecoach.
The show is We Will Rock You...its basically a really badly written play based around Queen songs which have been ultimately POPifyed by the beloved Ben Elton. I've got the part of Scaramouche, who's pretty much the leading character's (Galileo) sidekick/lover. Oui, I have a few solo's and I'm on stage quite a lot, so i'm pretty excited about THAT part of it...the only part I' worried about is...well....
The whole of ACT 2!!!!! =)
We've barely blocked the FINAL scene which is s'posed to be the best part of the show, the part which the whole audience are SUPPOSED to remember and leave thinking "hmm, what a fantastic show, the direction in the last scene was FABULOUS, it created a tremendous ending! I wish I could see it again!". But in fact, they will probaly be leaving thinking..."hmm...it started off pretty good....but the end ruined it. Why on earth did I waste my time on this when I could have been wrapped up in a duvet eating strawberry cheescake flavoured ice cream with a long spoon, watching Shrek 2 behind a locked door? =)".
I might just be assuming the worse...but you never know!
But in the end, at least we have fun DOING the show.
I hope it turns out okay...
By the way, the Kaz situation since yesterday is pretty good, it doesn't pain me to think about him anymore...it doesn't make me upset...which for some reason actually makes me stop thinking about him!!
That could always be because I haven't seen him in practically 2 weeks...which is slightly gay, cause I would actually like to stay friends with him...but if he doesn't want to I guess that's his choice. oh, and in school on tuesday....or monday...not really sure what day it was, I'm sure it won't really make a difference to the story...
he was standing outside our science room, and i went to say hello to him, and he seemed SO uneager to talk to me...i mean, fair enough...but he could at least try to be civil.
Anyway, i'm moving on now, I'm pretty much over him, it was a fun relationship while it lasted..well...some of it. And I learnt something extreamly important!
NEVER EVER listen to a guy when they tell you they think it's best if you tell them their faults...I think thats the main reason why we split up. Every time he upset me or pissed me off I would tell him about it in a really 'hello-I'm-going-to-suffocate-you-until-you-become-the-perfect-boyfriend-for-me" kind of way. I started getting pretty pathetic towards the end...I just got really moanie and didn't think of how that might make him feel...I allowed myself to get upset too easily.
He toughened me up a lot though, I'm don't regret our relationship now, thinking about it I really did learn a lot.
I'm gonna be a good girlfriend next time I find someone...hopefully!!! (which I wont, because I've decided to just lao guys unless they come to me....no going out of my way for any guy from now on....unless im in a relationship.)
But unfortunately..the cosmic horn is starting up again, and there's no one to take it out on. I'm SO sexually frustrated. Hmm I'll just call Kaz-.....WAIT, he'll get freaked out nd hang up. (even though he doesn't have a phone atm...)..yeah, actually, sorry to moan on at you, but is it normal to still be extremley attracted to your ex about a month after they break up with you?? Well it isn't for me, but for some reason it's happening. My imagination's getting carried away every time I see him...too much information?...I think not!!
I wonder what he'd say if I suggested being friends with benefits...not even friends...perhaps just two people who go to the same school who never talk with outside of school benefits...hmm...I know what I'd say if he asked me :D
If he wasn't oh so intimidating I would suggest it....oh well.
hahaa, I'm a pathetic freak who's turning into a pathetic geek with a very large sex drive!!
oh.....AND I'm working in school!
The only problem right now is that my cat has done a rather large poo behind the kitchen door...oh well, life's good!
Adios!!
XXXXXXXXx MMG
Tuesday 4 March 2008
Panic Attacks
Something very strange and unlike me is happening.
I'm beginning to fully concentrate in school...i'm still not completely over Kaz and I hate that, so I guess I'm just putting all my anger, depression and....depression into thought (about work) or exercise (either performance or something ridiculous like P.E or swimming). And it's paining me, it's good at the time, especially right afterwards when I realise i've spent a whole lesson not thinking bout Kaz...then of course, I realise that everything I had just achieved in the past hour has just been wasted in those few seconds where my mind switches back to Kaz.
But anyway, I went way off topic, what I was attempting to write, was that when I get home after my drama rehearsals which occur every day religiously, after school, I'm always in chronic amounts of both physical AND mental pain from working harder than any human teenager who hasn't been to a private school should.
For example, yesterday I was so caught up in forcing myself to stop thinking about Kaz, so I actually decided to do loads of homework, then go swimming. Either I'm maturing more than I would like to, I'm becoming clinically depressed/dying, or the rift between time and space has been opened, and the top left hand corner of my brain has been taken over by a small, alien wasp type creature who is controlling my every move.
I, personally, think the last explanation is the most likely by far. Don't you?
Anyway, I've got to go now, I need to go to sleep. Uhuh, at 8pm. This is what Kaz has done to me.
ACTUALLY, I've just remembered something which you readers might actually find either interesting, or disturbing.
I've been having these panic/anxiety attacks lately...not too sure whats causing them, but the first one started in maths, I'd almost completely finished the work...before anyone else...(just another example of my new wasp-operated brain's hardworkingness) and suddenly a HUGE shot of adrenaline went up me, and i got a really bad headache, honestly, it felt as if I was being used as a bulldozer (my head that is...) my lips and hands went numb, I got butterflies in my stomach (and can I just say, it was very rude of them to enter without being invited before hand) and I couldn't breath properly. So the teacher asked me if I was okay and I said can I go and get a drink of water...so he said 'no, you can go to the medical room', so I went downstairs and outside to get some fresh air, and called my mother to ask her if she could help me calm down. She could, of course, she's very good at that sort of thing. So I described my symptoms(although I'm not sure she actually heard ANYTHING I said, cause I was in such a panic), and she told me to breath slowly and blah blah I can feel this getting boring.
Basically, I went to my next lesson, almost died again, then went to the medical room, sat in there for a bit with my face in a pillow...I was in tears...but I didn't want anyone to see so I practically forced myself upon a pillow, which seemed very happy to ingest me at the time, but found it rather difficult to let go when I realised I was being suffocated and had to get out.
I was really shaky for the rest of the day, and for hours afterwards I had a really strange ringing sensation in my ears...spooky stuff.
So yeah, I've had a couple of these over that last few days, not nice at all, I need to train my antibodies to fight these horrible attacks off....but is that even possible?
Thankyou for wasting my time!!! I'm going to sleep now, BYE!!
XXXXXX MMG
I'm beginning to fully concentrate in school...i'm still not completely over Kaz and I hate that, so I guess I'm just putting all my anger, depression and....depression into thought (about work) or exercise (either performance or something ridiculous like P.E or swimming). And it's paining me, it's good at the time, especially right afterwards when I realise i've spent a whole lesson not thinking bout Kaz...then of course, I realise that everything I had just achieved in the past hour has just been wasted in those few seconds where my mind switches back to Kaz.
But anyway, I went way off topic, what I was attempting to write, was that when I get home after my drama rehearsals which occur every day religiously, after school, I'm always in chronic amounts of both physical AND mental pain from working harder than any human teenager who hasn't been to a private school should.
For example, yesterday I was so caught up in forcing myself to stop thinking about Kaz, so I actually decided to do loads of homework, then go swimming. Either I'm maturing more than I would like to, I'm becoming clinically depressed/dying, or the rift between time and space has been opened, and the top left hand corner of my brain has been taken over by a small, alien wasp type creature who is controlling my every move.
I, personally, think the last explanation is the most likely by far. Don't you?
Anyway, I've got to go now, I need to go to sleep. Uhuh, at 8pm. This is what Kaz has done to me.
ACTUALLY, I've just remembered something which you readers might actually find either interesting, or disturbing.
I've been having these panic/anxiety attacks lately...not too sure whats causing them, but the first one started in maths, I'd almost completely finished the work...before anyone else...(just another example of my new wasp-operated brain's hardworkingness) and suddenly a HUGE shot of adrenaline went up me, and i got a really bad headache, honestly, it felt as if I was being used as a bulldozer (my head that is...) my lips and hands went numb, I got butterflies in my stomach (and can I just say, it was very rude of them to enter without being invited before hand) and I couldn't breath properly. So the teacher asked me if I was okay and I said can I go and get a drink of water...so he said 'no, you can go to the medical room', so I went downstairs and outside to get some fresh air, and called my mother to ask her if she could help me calm down. She could, of course, she's very good at that sort of thing. So I described my symptoms(although I'm not sure she actually heard ANYTHING I said, cause I was in such a panic), and she told me to breath slowly and blah blah I can feel this getting boring.
Basically, I went to my next lesson, almost died again, then went to the medical room, sat in there for a bit with my face in a pillow...I was in tears...but I didn't want anyone to see so I practically forced myself upon a pillow, which seemed very happy to ingest me at the time, but found it rather difficult to let go when I realised I was being suffocated and had to get out.
I was really shaky for the rest of the day, and for hours afterwards I had a really strange ringing sensation in my ears...spooky stuff.
So yeah, I've had a couple of these over that last few days, not nice at all, I need to train my antibodies to fight these horrible attacks off....but is that even possible?
Thankyou for wasting my time!!! I'm going to sleep now, BYE!!
XXXXXX MMG
Sunday 17 February 2008
UGH.
Me+Kaz= Over
Me-Kaz= Tears
Kaz-Me= Happy, apparently...not exactly in those words, he said he still liked my but thought it would be better if we finished it before things got worse. For example, he stood me up on valentines day :) Yes, he fell asleep.
In my opinion Kaz-Me= no life
But I would prefer him to be happy, and I agree, that is SO not me. Whats also not me is the fact that im crying about breaking up with a boy, usually it's ME doing the breakup and I dont cry afterwards....I usually cry at the time...but I've been crying on and off since we split up. Everything reminds me of him....even THIS reminds me of him, WHY?! I was listening to a song called 'Now You're Gone' which reminded me of him and i broke into tears. Oh well, I know I'll get over it in a matter of days...im not sure if i actually miss HIM...i think i just miss having a boyfriend and affection on tap. My mother suggests not getting a boyfriend until summer so I can concenterate on my work, but I'm gonna start having flings....and I don't want to....wait...If i dont want to....why dont I just NOT?
Shut up now.
Bye
XXXXXXMMG
Me-Kaz= Tears
Kaz-Me= Happy, apparently...not exactly in those words, he said he still liked my but thought it would be better if we finished it before things got worse. For example, he stood me up on valentines day :) Yes, he fell asleep.
In my opinion Kaz-Me= no life
But I would prefer him to be happy, and I agree, that is SO not me. Whats also not me is the fact that im crying about breaking up with a boy, usually it's ME doing the breakup and I dont cry afterwards....I usually cry at the time...but I've been crying on and off since we split up. Everything reminds me of him....even THIS reminds me of him, WHY?! I was listening to a song called 'Now You're Gone' which reminded me of him and i broke into tears. Oh well, I know I'll get over it in a matter of days...im not sure if i actually miss HIM...i think i just miss having a boyfriend and affection on tap. My mother suggests not getting a boyfriend until summer so I can concenterate on my work, but I'm gonna start having flings....and I don't want to....wait...If i dont want to....why dont I just NOT?
Shut up now.
Bye
XXXXXXMMG
Monday 11 February 2008
Life. (Nothingness)
HELLO!!!
God it feels good to write this thing...its been about 3 weeks....maybe 4..whatever its just been a very long time for me, stop accusing me of lies.
Anyway....not much has really happened....in fact...actually nothing has happened.
Things I can remember:
1. Z and Dino are now going out....I have to say I think I might actually be happy for them..in which case I may have to punish myself severaly...no chocolate for 5 minutes.
2. It's valentine's day on thursday, and I have a boyfriend for it =]
3. I'm very sorry to say, but there really isn't anything new and significant in my life.
I need inspiration. Would anyone like to do the honers? (of giving me inspiration)
Hmm having a boyfriend makes my life boring. WHat will I do when I'm married?
Oh well
Bye
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
God it feels good to write this thing...its been about 3 weeks....maybe 4..whatever its just been a very long time for me, stop accusing me of lies.
Anyway....not much has really happened....in fact...actually nothing has happened.
Things I can remember:
1. Z and Dino are now going out....I have to say I think I might actually be happy for them..in which case I may have to punish myself severaly...no chocolate for 5 minutes.
2. It's valentine's day on thursday, and I have a boyfriend for it =]
3. I'm very sorry to say, but there really isn't anything new and significant in my life.
I need inspiration. Would anyone like to do the honers? (of giving me inspiration)
Hmm having a boyfriend makes my life boring. WHat will I do when I'm married?
Oh well
Bye
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMMG
Monday 21 January 2008
IT lessons
Are crap. And boring.
It's not that we have a bad teacher, we have a good, nice teacher...but I am just not remotely interested in computers. At all!
If we wanted a future working with computers we would have taken Digital applications for GCSE, and some people did. But most people didn't, and we should be allowed to have a maths or English lesson or something actually important!
All you need to know about computers, is how to send an email, and access the Internet.
And apparently create animations...
We don't need 6 years of IT lessons to learn THAT!
Kaz and I are getting on really well...i mean it probably wont be long until we have intense arguments...but isn't that what teenage lives are all about? No?
I beg to differ.
*Saves as Draft*
It is now 15:49
I am at Kaz's house now, I didn't have enough time to finish writing, so I decided to save, rather than just close the window.
Clever, aren't I?
UGH, can't think of anything to write about! I hate it when that happens. Does it ever happen to you?
Hmm, why would I even bother asking, you're not going to reply to the question (unless you happen to be Oscar) you're all stupid adults or intelectual people who are either aren't reading my blog, reading my blog because you want to laugh at me, or because you feel sorry for me (no offence if you're actually ENJOYING reading this).
Anyway, nothing new = nothing to write about, I was just bored in IT...OKAY!
Gawd...
Bye!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
It's not that we have a bad teacher, we have a good, nice teacher...but I am just not remotely interested in computers. At all!
If we wanted a future working with computers we would have taken Digital applications for GCSE, and some people did. But most people didn't, and we should be allowed to have a maths or English lesson or something actually important!
All you need to know about computers, is how to send an email, and access the Internet.
And apparently create animations...
We don't need 6 years of IT lessons to learn THAT!
oops...the teacher just looked over my shoulder and is now addressing me as 'Moanie Miss Groanie'. Quite right too.
Kaz and I are getting on really well...i mean it probably wont be long until we have intense arguments...but isn't that what teenage lives are all about? No?
I beg to differ.
*Saves as Draft*
It is now 15:49
I am at Kaz's house now, I didn't have enough time to finish writing, so I decided to save, rather than just close the window.
Clever, aren't I?
UGH, can't think of anything to write about! I hate it when that happens. Does it ever happen to you?
Hmm, why would I even bother asking, you're not going to reply to the question (unless you happen to be Oscar) you're all stupid adults or intelectual people who are either aren't reading my blog, reading my blog because you want to laugh at me, or because you feel sorry for me (no offence if you're actually ENJOYING reading this).
Anyway, nothing new = nothing to write about, I was just bored in IT...OKAY!
Gawd...
Bye!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Tuesday 15 January 2008
I washed my hair BEFORE school today...it was horrible. My head froze over. I usually just have one before bed, but Kaz was over til like 9:30 and I wanted sleep before the exam today so I couldn't be arsed.
Uhuh...exam. We've got a biology exam at 1:15 today, it's so depressing. If I get lower than a C i'll retake though. And what kills it is that on top of all this revision i've got to do, our teachers, who each assume THEIR subject is the most important, even if it IS citizenship (which has no importance to me whatsoever) , all are giving us homework. So I have no time for ACTUAL important things like seeing Kaz and watching TV. I also need to cook my final cook...for food tech which I really cannot be bothered to do, AND I need to do all the coursework....which is even more boring. Why did I take food tech? My teacher said:
"Josie I'm really quite concerned. If you don't cook every single lesson and assume that cooking is the only thing you're good at and what you enjoy doing most, then you might not get an A*!!!"
(Please note that the text in red, she didn't actually say, but she was thinking it, I could see it in her eyes.)
And finally, I have to kill my P.E teacher, because she said that every lesson I don't bring my football boots I'll have a lunchtime detention. Even though I don't have, and will never have a pair of football boots. It's not fair..I'm not paying like 30 quid for football boots just so I can please and happyfy my lesbian PE teacher. She can pay for it herself. Also, If I did buy them, I would only be using them for the next 2 weeks (that's 3 lessons), until we move onto gymnastics or fitness or something. There really is no point. Maybe I'll just have to endure the pain of not being able to go to G-Town for a few lunchtimes. Nope, I'll just kill her.
Me and Kaz had a little spat yesterday morning, it wasn't really a big deal, we were both just in bad moods...and he was a bastard to me.
We were walking with our usual crowd of people (ie. Naz, Z and Max, who isn't significant enough in my life for me to give him another name) And we were walking slightly ahead...and he wasn't talking, like, at all. So I asked him if he was alright...and this is how it went...
Me: Are you alright..?
Kaz: No.
Me: really?
Kaz: No.
Me: So which is it...are you okay or not?
Kaz: I'm fine, stop asking me.
Me: Oh...do you not like it when I take an interest in your feelings? (my mother pointed out that all boys despise that kind of question...oops)
Kaz: I answered you didn't I? (in a chav accent, because, sadly...he is a bit of a chav...but in a good way)
Me: ....yeah, but-
Kaz: *walks off*
This is how it was from my eyes...it might not have seemed like he was doing anything wrong to him...but I'm a girl, a fragile, soft creature...my skeleton is on my inside...maybe boys aren't like that. Maybe boys are secretly ants. If you are a boy and are reading this blog, feel free to answer anonymously telling me if you are an Ant. If you fail to do this, my curiosity might get carried away and I will be forced to experiment on you. (Boys in general).
So....after school at like 5, after I had done some revision =D , I went over to his house to explain why I had completely blanked him all day...he was on the way out of his house when I got there, and it was raining...(what a pathetic fallacy that was...) and he looked at me and came up to me and gave me a hug and said sorry...and we sorried at each other. Then we went inside his house and spoke about things.
Turned out it had just been a bit of a misunderstanding...he thought that I walked away from him..as in fell back to walk with Naz and Z...but I saw it in a different way. After all, I AM a bit of a hypochondriac. Have you noticed my spelling has gotten better lately? Is has hasn't it.
That's because I'm cheating by using the spell checker. HAHA! I'm maturing.
ANNYWAY
Going
Me and Kaz are very happy again...good. Yep, I know.
What?
Bye!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Uhuh...exam. We've got a biology exam at 1:15 today, it's so depressing. If I get lower than a C i'll retake though. And what kills it is that on top of all this revision i've got to do, our teachers, who each assume THEIR subject is the most important, even if it IS citizenship (which has no importance to me whatsoever) , all are giving us homework. So I have no time for ACTUAL important things like seeing Kaz and watching TV. I also need to cook my final cook...for food tech which I really cannot be bothered to do, AND I need to do all the coursework....which is even more boring. Why did I take food tech? My teacher said:
"Josie I'm really quite concerned. If you don't cook every single lesson and assume that cooking is the only thing you're good at and what you enjoy doing most, then you might not get an A*!!!"
(Please note that the text in red, she didn't actually say, but she was thinking it, I could see it in her eyes.)
And finally, I have to kill my P.E teacher, because she said that every lesson I don't bring my football boots I'll have a lunchtime detention. Even though I don't have, and will never have a pair of football boots. It's not fair..I'm not paying like 30 quid for football boots just so I can please and happyfy my lesbian PE teacher. She can pay for it herself. Also, If I did buy them, I would only be using them for the next 2 weeks (that's 3 lessons), until we move onto gymnastics or fitness or something. There really is no point. Maybe I'll just have to endure the pain of not being able to go to G-Town for a few lunchtimes. Nope, I'll just kill her.
Me and Kaz had a little spat yesterday morning, it wasn't really a big deal, we were both just in bad moods...and he was a bastard to me.
We were walking with our usual crowd of people (ie. Naz, Z and Max, who isn't significant enough in my life for me to give him another name) And we were walking slightly ahead...and he wasn't talking, like, at all. So I asked him if he was alright...and this is how it went...
Me: Are you alright..?
Kaz: No.
Me: really?
Kaz: No.
Me: So which is it...are you okay or not?
Kaz: I'm fine, stop asking me.
Me: Oh...do you not like it when I take an interest in your feelings? (my mother pointed out that all boys despise that kind of question...oops)
Kaz: I answered you didn't I? (in a chav accent, because, sadly...he is a bit of a chav...but in a good way)
Me: ....yeah, but-
Kaz: *walks off*
This is how it was from my eyes...it might not have seemed like he was doing anything wrong to him...but I'm a girl, a fragile, soft creature...my skeleton is on my inside...maybe boys aren't like that. Maybe boys are secretly ants. If you are a boy and are reading this blog, feel free to answer anonymously telling me if you are an Ant. If you fail to do this, my curiosity might get carried away and I will be forced to experiment on you. (Boys in general).
So....after school at like 5, after I had done some revision =D , I went over to his house to explain why I had completely blanked him all day...he was on the way out of his house when I got there, and it was raining...(what a pathetic fallacy that was...) and he looked at me and came up to me and gave me a hug and said sorry...and we sorried at each other. Then we went inside his house and spoke about things.
Turned out it had just been a bit of a misunderstanding...he thought that I walked away from him..as in fell back to walk with Naz and Z...but I saw it in a different way. After all, I AM a bit of a hypochondriac. Have you noticed my spelling has gotten better lately? Is has hasn't it.
That's because I'm cheating by using the spell checker. HAHA! I'm maturing.
ANNYWAY
Going
Me and Kaz are very happy again...good. Yep, I know.
What?
Bye!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MMG
Tuesday 8 January 2008
Cosmic horn has disintegrated!!!!
For the first time in 76854 BILLION years, I am Specifically Horned!!!
YUP! Attracted to only one person, and not every living thing. Although, I can't type on this keyboard...
I have a new bf now =) But he wont be called BF, he'll still be called Kaz. Even though its not his name.
Can't really write today, so don't flood me with insulting comments.
I get on with him well. But he can be a bit of a bastard sometimes. =) <--- I need to stop using that face.
He's standing right behind me so I will therefore not be writing about anything he might hit me with. (verbally)
Crap, I'm making him sound like a complete...horrible person. He's really not. He's ACTUALLY nice. I used to hate him though, which is cool. Also, I'm moanie miss groanie, so he MUST be nice if he's willing to put up with me.
Also, he actually ASKED me what I wanted to do on valentine's day...boys I usually go for (ie. old BF) are either too stuck up themselves to ask what someone ELSE wants to do, or they just don't make any effort of that kind until the day before valentine's day...(old BF, I've forgotten what I called him...).
Anyway, I'll stop boring you, although the subject I'm about to scratch down into the keyboard (what!?) is probably 10000 times more boring.
School.
I'm back at school now. I've only been back for 2 days and I already want to blow it up.
Hmm...nah, I'll get found out. Everything I do I always end up getting caught as my mother so kindly pointed out to Kaz at the dinner table...so no heroin for me!!!
...that was a joke...I'd never do heroin...people who take it DESERVE to get addicted and die...in the nicest possible way. =) (again with the face)
I'm reading a book called CANDY. It's SO good. I read some of it the other night, and I'm actually traumatised because I couldn't sleep because I was so desperate to find out what happened...I had to make it up in my head when I became too tired to even hold my eyes open with match sticks. That is the definition of a good book. Speaking of books...my mother's book will be coming out in the next few weeks :D
But I'm not going to say anything about it because firstly it might reveal my identity, and secondly it has hardly anything to do with moi. And if you want to read about my mother, read her blog...NOT MINE!!! I'm more interesting than her anyway...she's not a teenager and is therefore the most boring being on this planet (apart from all the other non-teenagers).
I have ACTUAL science GCSEs next week...YAY!!! I'm SO excited. -.-
(just in case you suffer from lack of sense of humor, that was sarcasm).
But what I just said in brackets was not sarcasm, if you lack a sense of humor, I seriously suggest you have one inserted.
OH GOD!...specific horn (not cosmic...) ATTACKING!! must go...
*gone*
XXXXXXXXXXX MMG
YUP! Attracted to only one person, and not every living thing. Although, I can't type on this keyboard...
I have a new bf now =) But he wont be called BF, he'll still be called Kaz. Even though its not his name.
Can't really write today, so don't flood me with insulting comments.
I get on with him well. But he can be a bit of a bastard sometimes. =) <--- I need to stop using that face.
He's standing right behind me so I will therefore not be writing about anything he might hit me with. (verbally)
Crap, I'm making him sound like a complete...horrible person. He's really not. He's ACTUALLY nice. I used to hate him though, which is cool. Also, I'm moanie miss groanie, so he MUST be nice if he's willing to put up with me.
Also, he actually ASKED me what I wanted to do on valentine's day...boys I usually go for (ie. old BF) are either too stuck up themselves to ask what someone ELSE wants to do, or they just don't make any effort of that kind until the day before valentine's day...(old BF, I've forgotten what I called him...).
Anyway, I'll stop boring you, although the subject I'm about to scratch down into the keyboard (what!?) is probably 10000 times more boring.
School.
I'm back at school now. I've only been back for 2 days and I already want to blow it up.
Hmm...nah, I'll get found out. Everything I do I always end up getting caught as my mother so kindly pointed out to Kaz at the dinner table...so no heroin for me!!!
...that was a joke...I'd never do heroin...people who take it DESERVE to get addicted and die...in the nicest possible way. =) (again with the face)
I'm reading a book called CANDY. It's SO good. I read some of it the other night, and I'm actually traumatised because I couldn't sleep because I was so desperate to find out what happened...I had to make it up in my head when I became too tired to even hold my eyes open with match sticks. That is the definition of a good book. Speaking of books...my mother's book will be coming out in the next few weeks :D
But I'm not going to say anything about it because firstly it might reveal my identity, and secondly it has hardly anything to do with moi. And if you want to read about my mother, read her blog...NOT MINE!!! I'm more interesting than her anyway...she's not a teenager and is therefore the most boring being on this planet (apart from all the other non-teenagers).
I have ACTUAL science GCSEs next week...YAY!!! I'm SO excited. -.-
(just in case you suffer from lack of sense of humor, that was sarcasm).
But what I just said in brackets was not sarcasm, if you lack a sense of humor, I seriously suggest you have one inserted.
OH GOD!...specific horn (not cosmic...) ATTACKING!! must go...
*gone*
XXXXXXXXXXX MMG
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